I have been awfully fed a spoon full of insecurities due to unsteady thoughts and feelings. I'm overwhelmed with a tender feeling I have towards you..But I wonder if the love I'm willing to give will make you as pleased as the memory of her. Will I have to worry if I stared through your eyes and read her name instead of mine? Or If you accidentally saw her in a crowd and dazed into your imagination and slowly slipped your fingers out of mine? excuse me while my deepest fears come dominating every inch of confidence I had or us. Deep down we both know its a one in a life time type of love that ******* me and it would never be me. It must be a curse for me to continuously fall for someone who has not completely let go of a memory or past. There is something so tragic and magnetic towards me that I have to face. What would it take me for you to believe that I am a free spirit and I can drive you crazy?I just long and pray that after all this.. your thoughts would never compare me to what you had and what you have, cause in my mind.. these thoughts are chasing me like a figure eight.

I’m finally writing this to say this is not about you anymore, this not about your memory, your glory, or silhouette. This is not about the way you made me feel grace in ways I never thought existed. This is not about the way you held me close and gave me promises that were burned out with your lovely lies. This is not about the way your eyes looked beyond this exterior of mine, and this is definitely not about the way you held me close to your heavenly arms and made shelter for me out of them. This is not about the way I see you in every little detail I come across in my life anymore. It is not about the way every song that caught me reminded me of how things used to be from our side, or your name appearing throughout these lines. You have to believe me when I say this is not about you, because I believe in everything you do. If you can believe in me, you can believe in these words that are persuading me that It’s not you.  Deep down we both know what this is about, and some things are better left unknown.

The difference between wanting someone and needing someone is that once you've met that one person, and you have similar interests.. Thats the starting point of wanting to know more about a person, growing fond of them and learning more about the depth of their souls. Wanting someone is kind of like when you lay your feet by the see and you walk some steps deeper to feel the other side of the deeper see and how the sand feels different. Its a matter of wanting but knowing your distance and limits and control. Needing is something else, needing is when you wake up everyday having to know whether that person is breathing the same second you are right now. Needing is when you know a persons darkness and ray of light and you need that in your life.. For your mornings and nights. So basically needing is when you know you cant leave a person behind because their peaces fit perfectly into yours, their atoms were made to fit yours and you kinda cant change that in a persons making.

She lived for the thrill and she loved what she was. She made sure she walked past everyone turning hearts before turning heads. She was a riddle walking down with chiller eyes and a killer with delicate hands. She made sure she would touch peoples lives with her warm aurora but left a mark once left. Many around her don't know the depth of her imagination and her soul as much as she did, and even she did not know how it kept getting deeper by the day. She would talk to you for years and warm your cold day with her velvety soul, but if she left you for a second, you would misplace all the puzzles you put together of her. She was the split second of the understanding of life, and if she left, it was as if your eyes shut off to the darkness. She was that close soul that lives in you but the furthest you can ever try to hold on to. She was the thrill to your long blue depressing days and the light after a thousand rainy days. She would take care of you long after you did her wrong because she longed the feeling of care for herself. She was the ray of light thats flaming far away from the tunnel yet, every time you came closer to it, it seems to gloom away. She's the furthest inspiration you can see and the closest lose you could feel.

I bet you're wondering what A weird thing to be spoken about, touch? we all know what touch is. We all know how touch is one of the multitude 5 senses a human can have, we all know how it can make us or break us, but they don't know about your touch. They don't know that once you decide to touch anything around you, life appears from it. They don't know how once you touch any living and non living thing around you, the world glooms up and throws bliss into everyones souls. The day you brushed your hands into mine.. I knew how god created rainbows and how every shade gradually shifted to the other simply taking our breaths away. The day you brushed your hands on my face, I knew why god put the stars in the sky. How could one possible touch of yours bring back life to a person who is already living? Have I been living the wrong kind of feels before you? How could a touch of yours let me doubt all my years before you.. is this some kind of sorcery? I know that if I live by your touch forever, I will have that rainbow that gradually shifts into breathtaking colours in my everyday life. I know that if You let me by your side forever holding your hands, I will forever remember why god put those stars in our sky and appreciate every reason for it. It's your touch that brought me sane, hope, compassion and warmth within my life.

I've always connected my soul to materialistic things that can not hurt me back. I felt like as long as it doesn't feel..I'll be safer, see how afraid of emotion I was? I built fences to conserve my heart from any danger and distress. I saw how people would talk about love and desire like they are the most wonderful yet difficult things to go through in life.. I never truly believed and understood until I attached my soul to you. I never truly believed until you unleashed the most conserved ***** in my body.. my heart. Your voice slowly climbed up my lungs and knocked on my hearts door, Your voice was so calming my heart had to open all its gates for you. I admire your energy and I admire your presence, live as long as you want in my heart, It;s your home and most certainly made for you.

As I sit here listening to Coldplay and remembering the lost memory of you, I realize what a great fault i've made to let you go without a second thought. I do not believe in regret but I do believe in great loss and greater longing for the presence and thought of you in my life.
1. You were there through my mornings and nights shifting my moods through your meaningful music
2. You shared every happy thing going on in your life with me and I was selfish enough not to appreciate your effort
3. We would not usually talk everyday, but when you do, you remind me why the stars were put in the sky for people to appreciate its significance once gone in the morning, just like that star.. Your presence was appreciated once the night came, and just like the sun rose the next morning.. i lost you in the depth of my selfishness to the not of my messy life.

she radiates of mystery but i have her figured out
her hands told me everything
they told me how she’s the way she is because the world wasn’t kind to her
her shoulders told me that they’re getting tired of carrying the weight of her past around
her lungs told me how they’re growing weaker and weaker every time she tries to exhale her stress out of her system
her bones told me they’ve become brittle from trying to hold her pieces together
her mind told me that it keeps getting darker in there, it’s begging me to save it
her eyes scold me for getting too close and trying to look into them, telling me to look away before i become another thing they have to watch her destroy
her legs are begging for forgiveness for all the times they made her walk away when all she wanted to do was stay
her heart doesn’t make sense anymore, i’ve been trying to understand it
her soul is the quietest of all, merely existing but not living, caring but not loving, just short of having the strength of taking her where she needs to be
i hear all of her speak to all of me in ways i’ve never imagined and every part of me is begging her to let me in to reassure hers
i’ll tell her hands that i’ll be kind to her from now on, i’ll give her all the love she deserved but didn’t get
i’ll tell her lungs to hang in there, i’ll take her stress from her and i’ll make it my own
i’ll tell her bones that i’ll hold her pieces together for her, they need a break anyway
i’ll tell her mind that i’ll be her light if she lets me, please let me
i’ll look into her eyes and tell them i’m not afraid of her destruction
i’ll tell her legs that i’ll forgive them for her, i’ll forgive her on behalf of everyone, i’ll have faith in her in behalf of everyone
i’ll tell her heart to take a break, it’s been through enough
and her soul, i’ll give it a reason to want to come alive again
to want to love again
i’ll be her strength when all she wants to do is be weak
i’ll hold her together when all she wants to do is fall apart
i’ll make the mess in her head clear up enough for her to feel the way she used to again
i’ll help her fall for every part of her, the exact same way i did

Your voice calmed every urging vein in me today, tuesday 17th of November. Baby I dont think I love you anymore. I think its the matter of need in my life, in the matter of you in every single picture that I've been doing in my life. I dont even know what good I did in my life to have someone like you. Your morphine voice  cured  every pain within me.

When she sees him
it feels as if she has fallen down the rabbit hole
her heart pounds out of her chest at the sound of his voice.
overwhelmed
emotions overtake all logic
day is night and night is day
two souls were never so star crossed
he was the darkness
she was the light
one could not be without the other
and together they created beautiful masterpieces in the sky
but their togetherness was always so fleeting
moments that could not fully be captured
one always hoping to catch the other
always wishing their time together could last longer
but time never stood still long enough.