average is all i’ve ever known. i have average looks average grades average relationships with average people and it was all very black and white for me until you came around with all your ****** up colors and made me doubt everything i thought i knew because there was nothing average or expected about your bright eyes or the way you reach for my trembling hands when you think you can give me what i want

you thought that i was going to let you in regardless of everything that i’ve been through and i couldn’t blame you because i wanted more and i made it clear but when your fingertips brushed my skin for the first time and i felt that deep ache in my chest i swore to god i wouldn’t watch you breathe anymore because you were a mistake waiting to happen

but your darkness gripped me in every single ******* way possible and i can’t breathe unless i feel the warmth of your body beside me and i’m addicted to the pain you’re always trying to spread around

and now my loneliness should be a synonym for suffocation because being without you has blown all of the air out of my lungs but knowing you was like someone painting my irises in colors that nobody ever thought existed and i can’t see anything the way it was before

i’ve reached the drowning stage
it’s when i realise how deeply in love i am with your darkness
it’s when it completely takes me over and dims all of my lights
it’s that moment of complete suffocation when i think of how i can’t sit in a dark car alone anymore because the image of you using me to numb out your emotions keeps replaying in my head
it’s when i realise that your flaws are all i’m going to look for in everyone i ever care for
it’s when i think of how the stars sparkle and how they never matched your dead beat eyes
it’s when i can’t stand the brightness of anyone’s soul because your gloominess sneaked its way into me
its when i always think of you at dusk and crave your emptiness
it's you, it's always going to be you.