I'm surrounded by a sea
of people who do not see the hurt in me
who do not believe in my ways of expression

and I sit here trying to contain myself
trying to make myself less of me
to fit the forms they expect me to come in

I never can
I always fail..
And I am learning to be okay with it.

But everyday is something new
another part of me I must conceal
and i am coming to the point

where soon there will be nothing of me left
for them to take way

and i think only then will they be satisfied

Absolute destruction
Is believing
In fairy tales
For so long
That you expect
Others to
Be able to
See the magic
In you
When they can't
even see it
in themselves

I let myself do this
get swept up
in the whirlwind
of chaotic emotions

Let waves of hope
crash over me
and pull me out
with the tides

I always end up
too far out
to be able to find
my way back to the sand

And so I drown
gallons of love songs
fill up my lungs
until I'm done for

One of these days
I know i will not
wash back up on shore
and this cycle will destroy me

It is okay to hurt
It is okay to fall
like a pile of ashes
to the ground

but my dear

in the morning
you must rise
you must open
your walls again

you must never
give up on you
and above all else
you must remember

it doesn't have to be tomorrow
not even the day after
or the next after that

and you must remember
that these things
take time

it is okay to
open up to people
right away
it is okay
to be cautious
since you have
known this hurt before

but don't let that
stop you from
living beautifully

and it is okay
to fall in love
with hands that are
no longer his

but don't let that
make you afraid
to give your all

and it is okay
for these things
to take time..

your ruins
may leave you
feeling empty

but my dear

there is so much
life left in that
Colosseum crumble
he left abandoned

rebuilding will come
but please remember

           -Rome wasn't built in a day

I have this tendency to break
To write myself into stories
I was never meant to be a part of
Paint myself the burning book
Light myself on fire just to keep you warm

Sometimes I forget how to just exist
Without emptying myself out
Into someone else's cup
Letting them drink my everything beautiful
I always regret it in the morning

But I always do it again
Chaotic upheaval
Everyday I pluck my heart from my rib cage
I scatter it in gardens
whose soil will never reap the full harvest
of my love

I wonder how long i can do this
Until there is nothing left

lady of ashes
more ember than human
flame engulfed flesh
burning down bridges
no longer safe to cross
eating up houses
no longer homes
just hollowed out hearts
with out inhabitants

son of the ocean
no soft flowing stream
hurricane hands
uprooting whatever he can
drowning those who dare
to swim too deep
without being invited

colliding catastrophes
steam, crack, sizzle
of hand against hand
canceling out the
destruction in each other
chaotic contrast
evaporating into clouds of grey
docile identities
formed out of destructive behavior

It's becoming easier
to picture myself
with someone better
even if it's just me

-loneliness doesn't scare me