if only you knew what we were before.

the scars that have been healing
behind closed doors

i won't hand you the key
because you'll see a different person

inside all of our souls.

We're destined to doom anyway
So at the end of today,
                                         let's run away?

I want to see the world,
and explore all the caves and floors...

I want to swim and dance
and laugh and sing

But the one thing I'd have to bring?

you.

I got lost one day,
Lost in my own head.
It was full of old memories, and stories.
Like walking down memory lane,
Watching smile after smile pass.
I saw a memory when i was little laughing and playing with the flowers.
Being a child, not a care in the world, no pain on my shoulder, no sadness on my face, just a child. Laughing and smelling the roses.
Then i saw myself and i was sitting on the edge of a grave stone,
Pulling on a cigarette.
I looked older less like myself,
Like grief has aged me in places that took away my youth.
I walked a little closer and saw that i was sitting on my own grave,
Taking one last drag of my cigarette.

dad left
for his second tour of duty
on my third birthday

mom kept
a jar full of jelly beans
on the living room coffee table

every night
she gave me one to eat, saying
"when these jelly beans
are all eaten up,
dad will come back home"

sometimes
i would sneak another,
to help dad come home sooner

one night
the phone rang
and i watched mom
wipe away a tear
as she filled
the jar
back
up

you run through my head
like drips of coffee
run down my cup
i can see you there
and i know you shouldn't
really be there.
but i encourage you to move faster
and you sometimes make me dizzy
not will all of the running
but with your beautiful words
that you whisper to me late at night
i believe these more than anything
because you're almost always half asleep
and you don't really realize what you're saying
so you speak your mind
and all of your thoughts
then run out of your mouth
like that very first drip of coffee

A lone drop of coffee
Running down the side
Of my cup
Escaping the terror
Of teeth and tongue

Black gold in the morning
A precious liquid
Awakes me from a slumber
And brightens my day
Sip by sip

Rejuvenates the body,
Mind and soul
Caffeine flows
Through my veins

Motivation in a mug
Brewing is an art
Coffee so dark
It can wake the dead
But instead
Wakes me
Every morning

She wasn't the kind of girl to wear lipstick or paint the town red.
She would ask me to kiss her and bite her lip instead.

I can feel your delicate hands
slide up and down my spine
just the way I like.

You kiss my neck
and **** on my ear
waiting until I give in a little.

I pull at your hip
and grind while you moan
I'm just so **** happy that you're home.

You lay me on my back
and take off my shirt
and I finally see that smile and I no longer hurt.

I love the way you kiss me,
As your frigid hands caress my *******,
I yearn for your nakedness to be closely nestled.
Your voice is raspy and deep, yet calming and smooth;
"Let your guard down, I want to see all of you."
Honestly, I felt weak in my knees, hearing the truth.
The delicacy of your lips pressed against my body,
Makes me able to barely whisper, "I'm ready, baby."
Unzipping my jeans,
I hear them drop to the floor.
I can feel my airways grow tight,
While I'm spread open.
I need you to stay overnight.