before we met,
i was living my death:
you became my valkyrie.
(if only i could say this
and know it as reality.)

One day I realized
That the earth is just
One big computer

Non-action is required

It spins and spins
Around the sun

Is this the real life
Or just a fantasy?

And then I was in my car
Listening to the dogs bark
And the crickets

And the car lights went off
Up the street

As I inserted my key
In and out
The blue light
Of the dashboard

Hold fast to the center

And I pictured myself
In various places
At various times
Picturing
My future life

And thinking how
I'll always feel the same

Blahhhhhhhhh

The suffering saints
Are tired of waiting Jesus
Tired of waiting for your return

Two times and one half
Three years of tribulation
Before the return

I won't ever have a family

And you know what

I'm just going to watch comedy
Again

Hitchhiker's Guide
To The Galaxy

And I got some clothes at Sears
Wandering through the store

Like I wander through the world

I need to eat a bit more
And run a bit less

Because at 6 feet 167
With about a 31 inch waist

The bands on those elastic shorts
Well the small fit a bit better
But the small shorts fit too tightly
Around the quads

And the medium could be a bit tighter
At waist level

So I guess I could gain a few pounds

Bleh
Human Life

These people
I live with
Are completely oblivious
To the danger
This country is in

Completely oblivious

But that's how most Americans are
These days

And when the system is down

Then the real trials will come
No facebook or instagram

Or stupid celebrity news shoes

Maybe our country will be attacked
Who knows

Gotta plan ahead
Buy tighter clothing

In case I drop down in weight
Food may become scarce

I think a difficult time might
Be coming to America

the gods spoke to me
from the depths of my
shower drain.

choking on
old soap and
blood,

their echoed whispers
soaked my hair
and stained my skin

seeping beneath
the cloudy film of
my ever weary eyes.

Life's a big joke
You've gotta learn when to laugh and smile at it,
try not to take things so seriously.
Sometimes, "like a joke"
it's pushed too far and you don't find it funny anymore
although, when's it really too far?
not everyone will be happy
because, someone's always offended.
So try to laugh out loud when things get rough,
bring an impression with those dimples
show'em all that you're tough!
So who's the one here really looking like a fool?
When you're the one enjoying life
by following this simple rule.

on the curtains
watching a sunset
I knew

all of my should haves and what ifs
crawl into bed with me
at 6:30
on a wednesday
morning.

some days
are worse
than others.

at 6:45 i reach
deep
into my throat
and pull out the
sleep
that waits there
like a
sick dog
throwing it over my
shoulder
and leaving it
panting
just beneath my pillow
waiting for me
to return home
at the end of another
very
long
day

some of which
are worse
than others.

the sunlight
reaching
its fingers
through my bedroom
curtains is no longer
gold and beautiful
but muted blue and grey-
i know this feeling.

briefly i think
i can hear an alarm
clock clock down the street
or maybe it’s mine
i’m not sure i can’t think

but i realize
eventually
it’s just my ears ringing
like they do
at the start of
another
unwanted
morning
so
i pull together
all the worn
stitches
at all my exhausted
seams
just enough
to make it
downstairs.

this is how it always
starts

but some days
are worse
than others.

Monday was terrible.
Horrific.
I spent the day sulking on my lonesome and went home ready to erupt.
I could feel the slight tingle of tears threatening their way through my eyelids
Ready to pour over the second they perched open
But due to my lack of sleep last night
I doubt I could even build up the strength to open my glossy eyes
Even if I wanted to

In a weird sense
I enjoyed the mere thought of Monday being able to make me cry
I almost laughed
Or screamed
Or both

A year ago today
Everyday was a Monday to me
Everyday went horribly
Everyday made me come home crying and lock myself in my room
I was so used to that constant repetitive torture
That Monday appeared to be no different than any other day
Monday was just... It.
Tuesday was "it"
Wednesday was "it"
Thursday was "it"
Friday was "it"
Even Saturday and Sunday were "it"

But now, today
Monday is distinct
In a horrifyingly gruesome way
And this tear-jerking unsatisfying Monday gave me hope

Monday made me cry
Tuesday did not
Wednesday did not
Thursday did not
Friday did not
Not even Saturday or Sunday made me cry
Only Monday made me cry
Only Monday

Just as Monday made 7 billion other humans cry
On this torturous inescapable earth
It also made me cry

And that gave me hope that maybe I really am normal
Or I can be
Or I will be

Because Monday is unbearable for everyone
And Monday is unbearable for me
And the rest of the week is alright for most people
And it was alright for me
And Saturday and Sunday are fun for most people
And Saturday and Sunday were fun for me

Somewhere
Deep inside my clouded, muddy mind
I caught a glimpse of hope
That maybe
There is hope for me
Maybe I am cured
Maybe I can be
Maybe I will be