tw// homophobia (especially due to religion)

a small, clumsy child
in a room full of glass
is told to look, but never to touch
and it's the child's fearful obedience
that makes the parent revel in their victory

a naïve, desperate teen
is admonished for looking at someone
they never should've touched
(for a bible verse told them so. even kissing was a sin for them)
and it's the teen's desolate silence
that helps the parent sleep at night

don't worry, parent
now i know not to look or touch
please rest easy
my life will not be broken glass

how do i reconcile my warmth with my machinery?
mechanical contraption checking the boxes
poet longing to form a beating heart with only words

the colder parts of me suggest i have some sort of surgery
creativity can be threaded to the bone with stitches

the softer places whisper in my ear a cure of sugar and cinnamon
logic is only an imagined intention

but i feel the pendulum swing
and it stops not for compromise

I hate writing.

But I love the idea,
And more importantly,
The image
Of being a writer.

What's cooler
Than a glass
Of brandy,
Beside an ashtray.

With a full pack
Of marlboro lights,
And a mechanical keyboard
Clacking away the night.

I want to be a writer
For all the wrong reasons.
I want to convince you,
Dear reader,
That I'm a phony.

Maybe you already knew.
Maybe it doesn't matter why
I want to be a writer.
Maybe all that matters
Is writing about it.

i take my coffee in the form of hard candy

because if i drank it
the warmth would remind me too much of you

what my english teacher tells me is
logical fallacy

i've held on to for as long as my blood was blue
it's as close to a religion as i will ever come
and maybe i don't see wings in my reflection

but i'm done being told that i'm going to fall when i jump

lover is a day
by cuco

time changed
we're different
but my mind still says redundant things
can i not think?
will you love this part of me?
my lover is
the day i can't forget

furthering my distance from you
realistically i can't leave now
but i'm okay as long as you
keep me from going crazy
keep me from going crazy

straight up ahead
you'll find a sign that says you can't get by with a lie
but if i stayed away by a thread from the glory path
and made my life harder lying 'bout the stupid **** i say
then you wouldn't know a single thing about how i feel about you
and those really dumb things people feel
i'll take the bumpy road
it'll probably break my legs
as long as i don't show you what's ruining my head
funny thing about you is you read me pretty well
but you haven't found me yet
at the bottom of the well

annoying you with smoke signals
asking you for help
cause your immediate presence lifts me straight away from hell
me and mr. heart, we say the cutest things about you
how you seem unreal and we'd probably die so quick without you
suffocated from the radiated air around us
full of happiness
we don't have brightness
got so dark without you girl

time changed
we're different
but my mind still says redundant things
can i not think?
will you love this part of me?
my lover is
the day i can't forget

furthering my distance from you
realistically i can't leave now
but i'm okay as long as you
keep me from going crazy
keep me from going crazy

family calls me crazy
and my friends say i'm degenerate
but you tell me i'm so generous
and my self worth isn't hideous
this psychedelic canvas of the person i'm becoming
went from horror movie on tv to happy ending princess me
processing the information
transferred from your mind to me
at light speed like the falcon from the original star wars trilogy
feelin' like a free ol' me when i was 6
and no worries would stop me from reaching the stars a million miles from me
sick in the head for ya and no cure has been discovered
like a plague hitting my body
except if i fall i'm just fallin for ya
conscious beyond knowledge
alterations are acknowledged
and the beauty you've inflicted is always in it's action
lovely day today
perfect time to open up to you
but i know you're having fun
wouldn't wanna mess this up for you
but i'm happy that your happy
at least i do that much for you
always glad you're with me
this emotion will be gone before you know

time changed
we're different
but my mind still says redundant things
can i not think?
will you love this part of me?
my lover is
the day i can't forget

furthering my distance from you
realistically i can't leave now
but i'm okay as long as you
keep me from going crazy
keep me from going crazy

time changed
we're different
but my mind still says redundant things
can i not think?
will you love this part of me?
my lover is
the day i can't forget

furthering my distance from you
realistically i can't leave now
but i'm okay as long as you
keep me from going crazy
keep me from going crazy

tw// language. self hate.

do something, do something, do something
*******, waste of space
what are you even doing with your life?

please please just get up
i'll leave you alone if you do something
anything

brush your teeth, please, you smell like death

do something, do something, do something
******* just get up

fourteen missing assignments, and that's just one class
you dumb ******* i hate you

get up
you're the reason for every bad thing that has ever happened

y'know what?
don't do anything
sit there
you're gonna mess up anything you try anyway

are you going to cry now?
of course not. that's doing something.

don't go to sleep

your lungs could collapse right now
you could die
no one promised you forever
you only get a now
and you're spending it on your twin sized bed
might as well be in a coffin
you ******* waste of decomposable matter

do something, do something, do something