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I laugh in the face of love
      I cringe thinking of the passion
              I bathe in the hate I now feel
if it takes away
         what you once were
                  what you once meant.
Every love song a beautiful lie
           Every poem an empty cry
I could scrub my skin
     Until the blood seeps through
           If it meant forgetting you.
 Nov 2014 Grace Graham
ratgirl
I am me. I am the girl crying on the bathroom floor wishing she never existed. I am the boring sister, the unwanted daughter, and the distant friend. I am the bitter insults from my mothers mouth. I am the guilt from my chest when I bite back too hard. I am the music I rely on to survive. I am the dull foggy days and the long lonely nights I love so much. I am the one no one can hate and the one no one can love. I am the the broken but the not broken enough. I am the tangled collection of thoughts, weaving through one another in my mess of a mind. I am the hopeless future, I am the high expectancies. I am the too-pretty-to-be-ugly and the too-ugly-to-be-pretty. I am the 3am figure stuck to the couch. I am the weight in my chest. I am the hard mornings. I am the restless nights. I am the lost humour, the lost smiles, the lost joy. I am the lost cause.
Never let yourself find home in a
person
People are not
permanent
and they don't have to
stay
They can walk away at any
moment
Find home in
places
silence
the sun and the moon
music
yourself
but god
whatever you do don't find home in a
person
because what'll you do when they're
gone
and your home's gone
too
Trust me, I know how it feels
I know exactly how it feels to cry in the shower
So no one can hear you
And waiting for everyone to fall asleep
So you can fall apart
For everything to hurt so bad
You just want it all to end
I know exactly how it feels
I don't blame anyone, I did this to myself
Its my fault, everything is my fault
I feel this tiredness that sleep can't fix
And please stop asking if I'm okay
I'm tired of lying
I'm tired of living
I'm tired of trying
I'm tired of coping
I'm tired of hoping
I'm tired of existing
I'm tired of breathing
I'm just done
Because I'm never truly happy
Some days I'm just a little less sad than the rest
When you reach the point of being so sad you're numb
You're going to miss the ability to cry
Because depression is like drowning
And seeing everyone around you breathing
Because depression is not a choice
Its a deep hole you cannot climb out of
Trust me, I know how it feels
To beg God to just take it all away
 Jul 2014 Grace Graham
Christine
Poets show their naked pain

And this, I think
Pouring yourself onto pages
Is the greatest art of all

— The End —