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 Aug 2014 Gigi Tiji
Deanna
I am foolish
to expect
an us
to emerge
out of us

and I am
too stupid
to be able to
express
what I want
as anything less vague than
you

and I am
an idiot
to hope
that you
are foolish too.
#m
 Aug 2014 Gigi Tiji
PrttyBrd
Write with me a thing of beauty
For everyone to see
To gaze upon our very souls
Together, you and me
Words that dance upon the heart
Like a feather on the skin
Feelings painted honestly
In hues from deep within
Write with me a thing so lovely
That everyone will know
The purest of emotions
In two hearts at once betrothed
81214
 Aug 2014 Gigi Tiji
Deanna
Reaching
Across a Canyon
is Easy,
when I'm too drunk to see the distance.

And sometimes I find myself
Drunk enough
to Fly across
to the other Side.

But in the sober morning
I look across
at you,
my arms tucked into my sides,
my wings disappeared,

and I wonder
if you'll Ever
reach across
for Me.
 Aug 2014 Gigi Tiji
Deanna
Maybe today I feel
More like ****** rap lyrics than art;
Like talking from my ******
Rather than my heart.

You told me
You'd **** me again when we got back.
We've been back for days,
Where's your **** at?
 Aug 2014 Gigi Tiji
Deanna
Green
 Aug 2014 Gigi Tiji
Deanna
Sometimes I picture us
In a little yard.
A little girl with blond curls and bright eyes,
Her laughter fills the sky.

I can't picture
All of the steps in between there and here.
But that little girl has a swing set,
And toy dinosaurs,
But her favorite toy will be her baby brother.
He'll look just like you
And he'll probably have your gentleness too.

I can't see myself in a white dress
With our mothers both crying.
But I can see the four of us in art museums
And seeing shows on Broadway.

****, I can barely picture us together during finals week.
But I can picture you trying to intimidate her first date,
And it won't work because your heart is too big.

Sometimes I can't picture us tomorrow.
But I can picture us in a little yard.
 Aug 2014 Gigi Tiji
Deanna
Sometimes I try to rhyme
When I have free time
To spare on little details
And leaving behind art trails*
Evidence that I exist
That'll last longer than a fist
In the face of the things I hate.
I'm always running late
(A bit of a common trait)

I could dig a hole to change the world,
But what good would that do?
So instead maybe I'll just try
To have a lasting impact on you.
 Aug 2014 Gigi Tiji
Deanna
Stray
 Aug 2014 Gigi Tiji
Deanna
I don't know how to trust
Your handsome good intentions.
To be honest,
     they scare my bones.

You must be patient.
If you come too close
     Hiss.    Scratch.     Run.

I hide in the bush,
while you put out a can of food.
And I will wait
     until you are safely inside
          before I eat it.

You must play this game with me for weeks.
Slowly trick me into trusting you.
Move too fast and I will never come back.
But if you go slowly, one day
     I may eat out of your hand.

I do not claim to be worth the effort.
 Aug 2014 Gigi Tiji
Deanna
you don't know me
but you won't speak to me
for whatever reason
          it's been decided
     we aren't friends
     we aren't friendly

Why?

Am I so easy to hate?
     to ignore?

Why am I so easy to not want?

you're laughing with your friends
     and something
          about the sound
               pierces through me
I think you're laughing at me

I don't know why
     but it bothers me

I pretend
     not to care

about what people
     people like you
          think
               about people like me
If there are other people like me

I guess I don't get a chance
to show you that your judgment is wrong

shouldn't I dismiss you as an *******?
     for dismissing me so easily?
          but my heart is aching
               for an answer
                    why
               what I've done

the people here don't like me
but they won't just say it to my face
they'll whisper it to each other
     as I walk past
they'll laugh it through my chest

I am craving being known
     I guess I don't get that option
no one wants
     to know
          me
no one
     wants
          me

and maybe I could sleep tonight
     if at least
          I knew why.
written 14-7-11.
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