I never told you
                              that I loved you
     or about the magnitude of that emotion.

because for the longest time
     you weren't mine
          and then I
               was someone else's.

And now
     my heart doesn't break
     every single time I see you.
     It shatters.

So I carry a hundred shards
     of this shattered heart
          but they cut into my hands

And so desperately I want to show you these wounds
but you wouldn't understand.

Because you know me
in a way I don't think anyone else even could.
But these wounds aren't for the unknown pieces of myself
     they are for the misery
     painted on your eyes.

I'm not stupid, I know I couldn't make you happy.

It's been a ******* year and I still cry
                                                                 because I lost you
                                                                 because I never had you
                                                                 because these shattered shards
                                                                 belong to you

One day the fire between us went out
     and you never told me why.
And now I can't speak to you
                  I can't look at you
     I run away grasping my shards and cry
     for the love I can't tell you about.

What would you even do with my love?
It would be of no use to you.

Something broken
          can be taped or glued or stitched
               back together
                    but once something shatters
                                                                      it is shattered forever.

Sometimes I think
it would be so nice
to be a
Ghost.

Because then when I stand
to the side of a group
uninvolved
untalking

It will be normal.

Because what can a ghost do
except for watch others interact?

But now
I am flesh
that hides from other flesh
that avoids social interactions
that whispers
                     when she wants to scream.

We've had one night
And the better part of a morning
But already I can feel
That some piece of me is gone
And now it lives with you.

And it is too soon
For me to be yours
But...
I am.

I wonder if you feel
The electricity
From across this city;
I can.

Who am I today?
Sore muscles, sore heart
Because of exercise
and his brown-gray eyes.
And we don't have the time
for him to be mine
and for us to be we.

     And a piece of me wants to stay
     to test out this spark;
     see if we can light something in the dark.
     Can we use this desire
     to start a forest fire?
     or is it just a match
     the breeze will blow out before we get the chance?

          Do you want to stay ignorant?
          Or do you want to learn?
          Do you wanna try?
               Or are you afraid of the burn?

There's a secret garden in my mind
Here are the keys
Dreams and nightmares lined with silver
Enter with caution, please

We walked the laurel floral covered fast lanes that were once meant for ships and planes
Lifetime friendships forged over baggage claims

Blessed to live the life live that was once only Pay-Per-View televised
Ive memorized moves made by ghosts that left me mesmerized

This is privileged private property I'll share with you not for publicity
Although this is a part of my recipe to leave a legacy
A high density dose of tranquility
Dream of me Mzanzi
Dream of me 3thirty