naive kid
thinking that it would work
"if there's a will, there's a way"
but you burned half of that will to nothing
and the other half starved to death when you abandoned it

there is a man in my dreams.
he is tall
with hair like gold,
and his eyes that are the colour of a raging ocean
and when i touch his face
it reminds me of worn down sandpaper
- a tad prickily, but it is home.
with broad shoulders that make him look like he knows exactly where he's going
he just grins like he knows the secrets to the universe.
i hope one day im as confident and comfortable in the universe as he is.

i am scared of alot of things.
the unknown things lurking in the darkness.
the depth of the ocean.
the haunting monsters that live in every corner i encounter.
but my biggest fear by far,
is losing you.

i want you to say that you love me.
not out of reflex or habit.
i want you to say that you love me,
with everything you are,
everything you once were,
and everything that you will become.

my lips are chapped,
my head is throbbing,
my vision has blurred,
i am starving myself,
to rid of these demons that haunt me,
but it is not a pretty sight.
i dont think out been outside for a few days now,
what did i used to do all the time?
my book collection is gathering dust,
and my art supplies are packed away somewhere.
i have successfully starved myself,
but not of the demons,
they still reside here,
but of my happiness.

bright lights sting my eyes,
my hand and wrists are stained crimson red,
i've lost track of time,
and i'm losing track of myself,
i can feel the caffeine pumping through my veins,
i hope i can survive this night,
praying that sleep doesn't take me,
because my nightmares hold scarier demons than hell.

i am flawed

i care too deeply for the small, irrelevant things. i procrastinate my responsibilities more than i care to admit. i get obsessive over bands and tv shows. i am way too vain. i poison my body, not with pills or cigarettes, but with food. i hunch my back when i sit down. razors are my best friends, and they show their love for me with kisses all down my thighs and up my arms.

i am deeply flawed.

you, however, are perfect.

you are made up of so many stars, and they are all beautiful. you are the smell of freshly baked cookies. your soul is the sunset, no one wants to miss it, but like the leaves on the ground, the wind will sweep you up and out of this place.

you are so handsome. and i when you are gone, i will mourn the presence of your soul that radiates so much light.