You took me and changed me
gave me life and love
kissed my every vein
until they formed crystals
I was beautiful

You then let me go
and I was flying without wings
and I realized
I wasn't the first you touched
as beauty tumbled around me

I hit the ground
like a speck of dust
and I melted, and I died
without truly leaving
or truly living

And after all that
what I'm trying to say
is that I didn't matter
in the best possible way.

You were far away.
Farther than halfway across the room,
A glass in your hand and that crooked smile
Rising like the sun on your face.
I was swimming-
Maybe drowning in a sea of people.
He was trying to talk to me-
About the every days that composed of
Almost nothings.
I swear I felt my skin wrinkle in my
Little black dress
And my toes pinch in
My high heels.
I told myself it was worth it.
He said I was beautiful
But I look across the room
And your eyes don't meet mine.
Each time I look at you and
You don’t notice me,
I feel myself taking a step into
The inevitable stairs of
Heartbreak.
I danced all night with him-
He taught me how to waltz in squares
And spin in turns.
His hands fit into my curves
Like those plastic cylinders
That build towers and cities.
But I still felt it didn’t belong there.
Your hands
I bet would fit like roots into
My earth
And this would beat any hundred story
Building because it was natural.
He might have disagreed with that
And at one point through that night
So did I.
If my heart was beating a thousand times
Per second and
My palms rained over my knees
And my cheeks were apples ready to
Be picked every time you passed by,
Surely that isn’t natural.

Slowly, I was pummeling
As the night neared its end.
I had not danced with you.
I had not talked to you.
I had not even walked by you
And yet I could have.
But with a heart beating as loud as mine
I didn’t want to risk you hearing it.
One thing for sure though,
I know was completely natural,
Was goodbye.
It was going to happen
And most say that it's the worst moment
Of any night
But honestly,
I had fallen in love with our goodbye.
Good night wasn’t enough but your
Tan rays of light blooming the roses
In my cheeks,
Proved you to be a source of life.

I could never write proper poetry
my words flow from my fingers
in calculated movement
stiff and jointed
like a rusted wheel
trying to turn smoothly
and I tell myself that I'll get there soon
that my words will fit together
less than forcibly

I don't speak in metaphors
or in paradoxes
I find Irony to be less of poetry
and more of tragedy
and people see this romantically
but i see it passively
because these stories do not open
they are stuck in a moment
preserving a feeling already passed
that is poetry
it's complete and utter crap

what use are words if not in prose
if it doesn't let a story be told
a moment cannot speak a lifetime
yet we use up a thousand words
to convey a single emotion lasting less than a second

I hate poetry
for the tears i have shed in useless agony
for the time i have spent deciphering the codes
that lead to humanity
however locked they may be
deep in the heart of some philosophers poetry

dumb
useless
poetry

How do you get chosen
is it a process of faith
or elimination

how fast can I rip off my labels?
They feel like my scarlet letter
warding off what I want
because they think I'm not what I am.

because it's not easy
it's not easy to be told "not today"
it's not easy to be denied
it's not easy to turn away

and I've told myself that I am the lucky one
I'll be accepted one day
and someday
but days are numbered for a reason
and sometimes a name
is branded too deep
into the flesh
that no amount of friction can ever rub it off
and I
will never be accepted
and I
will be waiting in line
to be told
"not today"