NO WAIT, BUT BUT, WHERE ARE YOU MOVING TO?*

WELL SEE, I AM GOING TO LIVE IN THE MOMENT.
-
**ARE YOU COMING?

I'm out of ideas.

And I want to tell her that I understand
what it feels like to be fake, insignificant,
and a shadow on the sidewalk of society.

And I want to tell her that I also borrow
the experiences of others --
that I, too, learn feelings
by stopping and staring at personal wreckage,
like a tourist of emotions,
like an inevitable wish of a human being.

Was this what you meant when you said
that you wanted me to feel something?
Because now i’m sitting on the bathroom floor and my
hands are shaking while hot water pours from my eyes.

What did you mean when you said
that you had nobody?
   Because as you said that, I was standing next to you
in the same hole,
the only difference was
that I was covered in cuts and bruises
while you were suffering from
your very first cut.
A nick from your own razor.

While i watched you bawl on the ground,
i felt grateful in some kind of way.
Grateful for the fact that life never
gave me a chance to be so
naive and unguarded,
the blades become a sort of release to remind you that you can still feel.

Who did you want then?
When I stayed.. and you refused my help?
And why did you hate me when I left?

Just another reason to drink
and be miserable.

Like, oh great,
I was ******* born
however many years ago.

I dont remember exiting
my mother's womb,
so I'll make sure I do my best
to forget the anniversary of it.

*******.

Wind up that music box
Listen to it ****** away
Pass me a mink blanket
And all night I will stay
Play with my hair
What little I have of it
You don't need to do much
Just hold me, come, sit
Pass me a pen and paper
You know the deal
Listen to the music box
It teaches me to feel
Kiss my forehead soft
And stroke my arm slow
For these are the comforters
That help me when I'm **low