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  Aug 2017 Megan Foster
honey
it's 5am & im having trouble sleeping tonight
since you aren't here.
so i'm just listening to cigarettes after ***
& all my favorite moody songs in our room,
in the dark, with my headphones pushed into my ears.
it's kind of peaceful & beautiful & dark,
but it's not the same as when you're here.

i can feel your soft, smooth skin still slightly lingering on my fingertips,
yearning to feel your warmth against my body.
i can smell your fragrance next to my flushed cheek
as i press my face into my teddy bear,
he's wearing your cologne sprayed shirt.
i slowly scroll through the few photographs i've claimed of you
& with a steady smile on my lips,
i dream of a day you could finally see yourself as beautiful as i perceive you.
my heart is with you, doing all the things i'm unable to do here.
i'm unable to hear you say "i love you too" & "goodnight" in your sleepy deep voice,
unable to adore you as i stroke your forehead
& nuzzle into the curve of your neck,
unable to giggle & kiss your cheek
as your hand searches for me in your sleep,
unable to turn over & feel you pull me in tightly, close to your chest,
unable to awaken to see your sleepy morning face
& watch your lips slowly curl into a half-smile as i tease you by mocking your morning caveman grunts,
unable to see your beautiful bright blue eyes staring back into mine
as you finally open them
& i hear you say "good morning" softly...
but my heart is there, holding you, kissing you, cherishing you, protecting you.
although it's so difficult to sleep without you
& it pains me to see your side of the bed, empty,
i swallow my sadness & breathe deeply for the moment i get to see you again.
for the moment i will hold you tight in my arms, kiss your soft loving lips
& see your lighthearted smile once more.
& when i can't sleep, i just write poems
about how i miss you & love you & how breath-taking you are to me.
you know i've always had a way with words,
always been able to write pages describing anything & everything
so it touches the mind or the heart.
& now, here they are, all my words,
inspired but clumsily strung together
for you.
even your absence inspires the best of my words to come forth
like an endless love song
& i'm blessed that you are in my life.
i'm blessed & honored to belong to you.

it's 5:30am & it's difficult to sleep without you.
so i write about you, to keep your essence here with me long enough for me to sleep.
Megan Foster Aug 2017
I can't wait to see you
and ask you about your day
as we sit on the sofa
watching TV.

Eventually I'll start to fall asleep
on your shoulder
(my favourite place
to fall asleep)

And you'll stay there,
long after your shoulder
has started to numb.

And I will wake up and
realise that in this moment
I have fallen deeper in love
with you.

And when you kiss my forehead,
as your eyelids soften,
I'll know you've fallen deeper too
Megan Foster Aug 2017
Isn't it just the worst
when anxiety rears her ugly head and
tears through your chest mercilessly,


Fully aware that it is getting harder and harder for your lungs to refill themselves,
harder and harder for your heart to just keep pumping ,
Harder and harder to get back up.


So a word of advice,
You should probably lie down,
No one will see you anyway
and the impact won't be as hard if you curl up in the corner and give up.
Trust me.
Megan Foster Aug 2017
To let go or hold on?
I remeber when your fists would grip like a cobra, totally instinctively -
but I saw your grip loosen,  
As if you're fighting your instincts instead of fighting to survive
Megan Foster Aug 2017
Love me the way I love you and don't leave.

Embrace the butterfly heartbeats and the waves upon waves of raw emotion,
Let them pick you up and throw you against my rocks

Don't worry I've got you, you're safe with me and
I'm safe with you.
  Aug 2017 Megan Foster
JAC
Here's to
sad songs
and dancing
through the kitchen
in our sweaters and underwear
when we should most certainly be asleep.
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