jumping off of a tall building

that feeling watching the ground inch closer
and closer

knowing that the moment you hit that brown and gray pavement, 

it will be the end of you,

but never hitting it. 

that’s what loving you was like

Do you remember the way you told me that you knew you were my weakness?
That was my black tar ******.

And do you remember the way you smiled at me?

That was my MDMA. 

I remember the way you made my nerve endings fire off all at once. 

That was my marlboro light. 

And I remember the way you left me. 
That was my loaded gun. 

But the one thing you and I will never forget is what you stole from me. 

That was my soul.

Maybe I crave these destructive things with such furious intensity because I’m hoping they’ll destroy me so I won’t have to do it myself

like a cop out, if you may, so in the end my hands will be clean

and it’ll be the drugs who are to blame. 
My hands will be clean 
but my wrist won’t be,
and my veins will be filled with 60 MPH winds and toxic venom
and the longer they stay hidden,
the more I crave these destructive things.

and i'm not sure what's worse;
to be lonely with someone, or to be lonely without.