Sometimes I feel like I'm not really here.
Whether it be the lack of self assurance or the constant fear.
I feel like I don't really matter.
To help myself not shatter.
I remember.
Those lovely, lonely nights in December.
I reminisce.
In how I used to enjoy this.
In how I used to be.
I used to be me.
I used to be me loving you.
And at some point that became so untrue.

These memories are not perfect.
Yet they are mine.
Things of the past made me feel like ****,
I was never fine.
But these memories belong to me.
They make me who I am.
I just need to remember who I am.

I wonder if he ever thinks about me
I wonder if I ever appear in his dreams
I wonder if he knows my love is true
I wonder if he wonders about me too

His smile warms me, as I melt into his embrace...
Leaning into him, my head on his chest,
Drifting to the lull of his heartbeat as he caresses my hand...
His head on mine... Jumbling my thoughts...
He sings in choir, his voice lulling my mind into a peaceful sleep ...