~flickering~

like love. like time. like her.

little flame quivers and sighs
she glows a warm amber,
and her light is welcome;
it awakens plumes of dust,
casts shadows on the
walls and floors
where memories forever sleep.

the table is piled high with boxes bearing
clothes she had sewn and hemmed
for growing legs,
broken and mended china,
and boxes filled with
a volume of aged letters –
written in last year's bleeding ink
and sealed with a memory.

and her last syllables form words in mind:

~“we will all burn away,
but I will be with you until morning arrives,
on its withering arms of gold,
and I will be standing there,
rose in hand,

and I will give to you in death
what I could not in life.”~

you say mental illness is a big deal until
i am sitting surrounded by trash in my car because its the only place i feel safe
until
i am crying when i wake up because i don't want to wake up
until
i am searching through pictures trying to find a scrap of light
until
i am sitting on the bathroom floor drinking the half empty beer i found in the recycling
until
i get attached to the drawings on my legs and cry when they go away
until
my plants all die because i cant water them
until
my pets die because i cant feed them
until
i starve myself on accident
until
my room has to be heavy or i cant breathe
until
i block everyone on my contacts list because i feel like they are watching me
until
i cant run anymore
until
i cant walk anymore
until
there is nothing left but you still want more

The demons are real
They whisper to me
The monsters are here
Don’t try to flee
I try not listen
To block out the noise
To keep my composure
And act with good poise
But every so often
Just now and then
I might hear whisper
That does make some sense
Then ever so slightly the mask gives a slip
The madness exposed
My sanity stripped
Just for a moment the monsters are free
Until I I can cage them
And return to be me

Life is change
The seasons
The years
All you can do
Is change with them
Lives are taken
New lives are created
Mourning, rejoicing
An eternal conflict
That brings us all
To the inevitable

With the loss of a love
That was sent from above
Grief is a hole
That appears in your soul
That can never be filled
No matter your will
To try and replace
The familiar face
That was sent from above
To fill you with love