i’m tired of you leaving and coming back
and me accepting you like nothing happened
i’m tired of starting again and breaking again
and collecting pieces again and starting over and over again
i’m tired of investing then detaching
then boom it’s a ******* **** cycle
i’m tired yet i still go back and back and again and again
and forget and forgive again
i’m tired of you changing your mind
and me not even changing a heart
i’m tired, i’m so ******* tired
but I love you, i love you still
i love you with every ache of this heart
i love you with every stain and scar
i love you with every fiber of my existence
yeah i’m tired, but i said i love
and when i say i love you, i mean it forever

there’s a little light
peeking through
the small crack
enough to create
a spark, a fire
that will finally
set her free
and make her shine

the answers we seek
in history, has been taught
time and time again

I had my first dream last night that you weren't in.
not even a minor character,
your ****** name wasn't even in the credits,
let alone plastered across the sky in flashing lights
like you want it to be.
my first reality that you didn't belong in,
and it was the most blissful peace that I can remember since we bathed in pools of cloud.

I heard the first song that didn't make me think of you yesterday.
the lyrics, for once, were just lyrics,
not an embodiment of you and the things you do.
guess what?
it was coldplay.
you always hated coldplay.

this morning, I basked in the sun and didn't picture you coated in gold light beside me.
I didn't look at the leaves adorning the trees and picture your face laughing beneath it.

I didn't trace the plate lines of my palm and imagine the earthquake we used to create when yours collided with mine.

I didn't eat new food that I wanted you to try and I didn't want to share the smallest details of my day with you.

you may have won this poem, loverboy,
but don't be too triumphant.
your victory won't last long.
it's the era of my new beginnings without you and I'm going to be just fine.

This is me
and too bad
i am no Cupid
to shoot an arrow
into your **** heart
to make you fall in love
with nothing but all of me

you make me melt and burn
i don’t even know how is that possible
until you touched my soul
you say all the right words
and everything that comes out
of your beautiful mouth
makes me tremble with love and lust

what we had is beautiful
too beautiful that it seems like an illusion,
a dream, a fantasy, a conceit
too beautiful that it scares my existence
as if I don’t deserve this
too beautiful that it hurts so bad
knowing that everything
— even beautiful things
must come to a ******* end