forgive me for the sound of your name rushing through my veins instead of blood it seems my minds only purpose is making sure i dont forget and im sorry if the constant ding of my below average words on your phone causes migraines, i am known for attaching myself to the nearest being with a beating heart and i have long since forgotten how to let go. i was always taught that being too dependent will get me nowhere in life but i still find my hands reaching for yours in the dark and i am sorry if you are repulsed by the thought of my inferior self lying next to yours but those thoughts occupy my head more often than not and i know that at the end of the day i will only have myself but pleasing you before pleasing me has become daily routine and when you said you felt pain, i apologized and even though i had not caused the ache i still felt it necessary to clean your wounds and stitch up your being. from thousands of miles i felt you sitting beside me and when i looked up you smiled and goodbye seemed so far away from us. please dont say goodbye. ive always been a fan of space and in your smile I see something more beautiful than the stars and space is terrifying but id gladly venture into the unknown just to see you smile, i know you have always liked adventures. sometimes i wonder what would happen during farewell but you’ve slipped under my skin, invaded my blood and seized my heart and my stomach rejects the thought. goodbye is a word that falls from my lips too often and my god when you say it my eyes cannot help but miss your presence and my ears hear your voice like the sweetest melody and i know i have nothing to fear for youve never been one for goodbyes. save goodbye for the end, because god i hope thats far away.

3 am
you are responding slowly. i say i love you. you do not respond.

5 am
i say have a nice day you say you too.

7 am
i write you a poem of words i barely knew before google and thesauri i tell you you are beautiful. read at 7 17

11 am
i am in class biting my fingers you have not said a word i have sent you fifteen messages all left unread i am worried

2 pm
you have said nothing my head is shaking my hands are spinning you usually respond so quickly

3 pm
i saw that you were typing as i exited my messages. i never got a message.

5 pm
i sent a simple hi and was sent an automatic response that you had been offline for too long my message would be delivered when you came back online

7 pm
i sent you messages to see when you came back. you didnt come back.

1 month
its been 31 days youre still offline

2 months
i got a message today and i saw your name and my stomach flipped you said only hi and i said hello back. you did not reply.

1 year
i do not think of you, you left.

2 years
i saw you on the street you looked like a new person. i waved but you assumed i was acknowledging someone else. you walked away.

2.5 years
i got a message from an unsaved number that you killed yourself today and my number was in your phone and i might like to be informed. i didnt reply.

a three part guide to getting over her

i. do not write. writing poems about the purple crescent moons that adorn the underside of her eyes like stars will not bring her back. describing the way her lips curl when she hears the name of her favorite singer will not cause her to think you are a majestic poet observing your surroundings and writing with such powerful words that do not fit with her.

ii. do not call. fifteen calls, seven voice mails, and forty three text messages will not make her miss you. it will place your name at the top of her blocked numbers list throwing your words into the garbage like broken glass, like your broken heart that you thought she would take back.

iii. reminisce. walk to the park where she first held your hand, to the restaurant where she kissed your lips like a winters breeze. slip into the dressing room where she pinned you against the wall and proved her love for you. remember. go to the tree you were in front of when she first kicked you, look at your nails you began to bite because of the stress she placed upon your shoulders like weights. do not let the bad things slide away like week old rainwater, leaving you to remember the cherished  kisses and breathless nights. reminisce. let go.