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I'm not so sure
Who you think I am
I'm dark
Lonely
And hidden from everyone
There's only a part of me that shows
My small smile
My light bright brown skin
And my shyish charm
That's what shows
But my suicidal thoughts
And my thoughts of hurting myself
They never show
They never emerge from the dark well of my heart
No one ever sees it now
And they never will
They'll never mistake my smile for falsehood
They'll never know the thoughts in my mind
Or any of my true feelings or opinions
So I'm not so sure you know who I am
You only know what I want you to
And that was never me, not the real me
No one truly knows who I am. I only let them see what I want them to. Including my family.
I am fine again
I fake smile again
You may think I'm ok again,
but I cry again
Not where you can see
When I cry it's invisible,
it's on the inside of me
no one ever really sees the storm raging inside of me,
or the war that makes it go on
I am fine again
I lie again
I cry again
I am not afraid,
but at the same time I am
I accept it
I reject it
and accept it all over again
It goes right through me and it hits me hard
I know I'm not fine
Deep down I know I'll never be fine again
I don't think I ever was
You can buy it
And I will sell it
I'll say I'm fine, I'm just a bit tired
and you'll say you should get more rest
and I'll say ok, I will and smile to make you relax a bit
But you'll never know what's inside
The storm that's raging and the war that's causing it
I'm not even sure what the war's about
I don't even know what or how it started
I don't even remember when it happened
But it's still happening now
And I'm not even sure who's winning
My angels or my demons
I just hope that the angels are going to win soon,
because if not
It might be too late
And my demons might win the war...
My angels...
*-whispers- please win...
I feel like this a lot. I'm hoping my angels win this war. And I'm hoping I'll at least be a bit normal afterwards. This poem was also inspired by a song. It's my favorite song called fine again by seether. I love them. They're my favorite.
Do you think you can revive me, when I'm half dead?
No
I'm just half full of life
So I can not be revived when I'm technically still half alive
You might **** me with your electricity
Doesn't matter I'll be the same
Never noticed
And half dead
Always ashamed of my half life
Always waiting for my half death to become full
Or maybe for my half life to become full
if at all possible
And live it till it's gone
My brain's been half gone
It's waiting to either be brought back or for me to come with it
I'm not sure what happened to it
It just was never there
So can I be revived, when I'm half alive?
No don't try it
Your electricity might **** me
But either way
I'll be the same
Unnoticed
And half dead
While I lay in bed
Just something i thought up. Hope you liked it. But I am sorry if it was weird
My thoughts invisible
My words invisible until I put ink to paper
And even then they're still invisible
They're invisible to the people who can't read the meaning between the lines and the space between the words and letters
Sometimes they're invisible to me
Until after I read it myself
I can feel what other people mean when they write a poem or a story
I can imagine the imaginary happenings of a poem or story
I can hear the silent screams and see the useless scratches and crawls
I can see the darkness or the brightness of everything imagined
Everything invisible
The words you really want to say invisible
The actions you really want to take invisible
Everything invisible
Everything you don't do invisible to everyone except you
Everything I won't write burned into my mind until it hits pen to paper
Until it visible to everyone
You will never forget the visible nothings you did
You will never forget the invisible somethings you should have done
Just something I thought of. I'm not sure where all of it came from
a whisper of familiarity
a hint of deja vu
and undetectable scent
in a room full of roses
this is how i know you

at the bottom of every breath
at the end of every heartbeat
miniscule moments
of absolute serenity
this is how i know you

faceless throughout a dream
the tune i can't quite place
the lingering warmth
after an unexpected nap
this is how i know you

the peace underlying chaos
the hope that pushes despair
the truth that hides
in misconception
this is how i know you

the thread that ties the then to now
the link between before and after
the love that makes me
who i am meant to be
This,  is how i know you
4314
My broken glass rose
I collected all the petals
But someone took them away from me
Why?
Why did she take them away?
It wasn't even bothering her
And now I just have one left
But it's more broken than the others I had
She doesn't want me
not like I care anymore
But I am your kid and you are my mother
And not a good one either
You hate me cause I like guys
Threw a knife at me and told me to **** myself
bleed yourself dry you said
But I'm still here and you hate me
You've taken all my glass petals and only left me one
One that was more broken than the others
Just like you you said
And left the room
My broken glass rose is all gone
Cause you've now taken the last piece of it
and me along with it
And she's thrown them all away
This poem is not about me. It's about this guy I met. His name is Bo.
Knowing is always better than not knowing.
                                                        ­                                               Every
                                                           ­                                                      single
                                                          ­                                                                 time.
Do you think ignorance is truly bliss?
**
 Apr 2014 Evelynn Hohenbrink
E
Promise me adventures.
Promise me we'll be okay.
I need that promise, the kind
the fisherman tells to the sea,
the kind you'll tell to me.

And when the wind blows
the shingles off our tiny, little house,
promise we'll take me to that sea.
I think we'll be okay
with a day by the sea,
where the wind will push us onward
and sometimes further than we imagined,
into the gray
and murky green.

Promise me with a map
and the road
and the static in the radio
Help me find the promise
in the static in the radio.
I'll see the promise and the ocean
and in the hands clasps together
at my knee.

And when we find hope inside the clouds,
promise me the rain
will cascade
diamonds
into the sea,
onto the shore,
and onto you
and even me.
Written on a difficult April day.
He tapped me on the shoulder
Before he had to go
Said I'll be your Guardian Angel
I just wanted you to know

He said he knows no one who went
That came back and then complained
So he guessed the place was pretty nice
And was sure he'd want to stay

He knew he'd see my grandma
Who had went three years before
She'd been waiting for him patiently
To walk him through God's door

Then he asked us not to worry
Said he knows what is in store
He was pleased with the life he lived
And knew God would show him more

Spent his last three weeks with family
Where he said his sweet goodbyes
My final memory of this man
Was the brave ending to his life

He would give to me this passion
But to the world he gave much more
The life he lived was one of love
He was the gift I most adored

In Memory
Sgt. Harold Addison Yates
My Grandfather

*Carl Joseph Roberts
A true story written with tears.  I miss this man who fought in two wars, was a prisoner in World War 2 then came home and served as a Sergeant with the Columbus Police Dept.  My Grandfather gave to me my Love for poetry. He passed several years ago but is missed every day.
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