I'm done
With hatred and anger and pain
I'm done
With feeling stuck in a never-ending rain
I'm done
With watching my friends make wrong choices
I'm done
With people who don't use their voices
I'm done
Watching the world spin into a chaotic mess
I'm done
With the lies and the muffled "I guess"
I'm done
Feeling anxious and panicked and sad
I'm done
But wait-

I'm done with the hatred but I'm too scared to stand
I'm done passively watching but it's all I've got planned
I'm done with the liars but I'm the worst of them all
I'm done with emotions, but I still let myself fall

I'm much too afraid
And I don't know how
To use the numbness as fire
Or to yield flames from my frown

It's all just a mess
Like the wreckage of nature
But this disaster is different
This disaster's been planned
Oh, this catastrophic nightmare-
It's the wreckage of man

And suddenly
I knew that my world was about to change
I knew I'd have a week to do what I've been forcing everyone else to do for months
And suddenly
I broke

The room was silent but I heard noise
The sound of every persons voice
I knew the floor was solid but it shook
My legs just trembled, I was an open book

My head collapsed, each neuron failing
But did I really have the right to be ailing?
I couldn't eat, I choked on liquid
And if anything controlled me, anxiety did

I wanted to run but I panicked instead
My legs felt like they were made of lead
The room just spun like a merry go round
I did everything I could to find solid ground

And slowly
I knew there was nothing but facts.
Nothing but the cold hard truth of responsibility
And slowly
I let myself cry

Depression is not feeling sad
Or thinking your decisions are bad
It's having this cloud go over your head
It's lying at night awake in your bed
It's coloring shapes to make yourself see
Something, anything for which you could become free
It's shaking and pausing and pretending to sleep
For being numb is much better than taking the leap
And depression is strange for it makes you think faster
Your thoughts speed around til you make them your master
So you paint on a smile and go out to be
The person your family and friends think they should see
They don't need to know about the hurt you can't feel
For to them, you're just fine, though this sensation is real
And the emptiness consumes you until you feel small
For depression is feeling everything and nothing at all.

"You should be happy" you say
As though you think your words will make me okay
So I pull out my sharpie and draw on a grin
No one wants to see that endless pain that I'm in

But I should be happy, so I smile and wave
And I go even further on this path that I pave
You're none the wiser, you buy what I sell
"I am happy." I say, and you think all is well.