No one told me how much it could hurt. No one told me how I could so easily I could fall back down after picking myself up. No one told me that even though it's bad to keep everything inside you, it's even worse to tell it to someone who doesn't care. No one told me how hard it would be to find someone who does care. No one told me that you could get so sad that you could actually feel your heart breaking. No one told me how hard this could be.

Recently life has been nothing more,
Than fleeting moments dragging me under.
And you're what my thoughts turn to
When I'm sad,
Do you bring this downcast or a small glimmer of hope,
Simply enough to keep me from burning down?
But.
I love you, maybe I just love the thought of you.
No I love you.
But I can't say it.
That's why,
I'm putting it in this pathetic poem that no one's gonna read,
That's why,
I'm a pathetic person that no one's gonna need.
I look at you but you can't see me,
Try a little harder,
I simply need a favor
Can you keep this between you and me?
Because I'm just a pathetic person that no one's gonna need.
This was my attempt to get it all out on paper,
But this is just a screen.

For the past couple of months, I have been staying-up way too late and have been sleeping-in way too much.
      My days have been consistent of waking up just to wish that I could go back to bed.
          How ridiculous is that?

At one point in time,
I could've sworn that things would be different right now...

But not too much has changed...

       Just my attitude.
           And the long list of failure's that continues to grow.

3-14-2014

I don't want to be like Plath, Woolfe, Bishop or Dickinson who confess depression on paper. I want to describes objectively and subjectively my experiences and reality as I perceive it, painful and aching, beautiful and healing--and what makes such moments so.

I want to record my observations and arrange them into a work of art. I want to create something heinous and beautiful, , and interpretation of the shards of my life collected where my true self is reflected and others who feel the same can relate and also feel sane.