Never had I imagined
that the feelings that
came along with him
coming back, would be
greater than those of when
he left.

"You aren't going to change your life forever because of me."
He said
But it is he who changed my life forever
I thought
"Because of me"
He said
Because at once you loved me, you mean
I thought
Key word being "loved"
because you don't anymore
"You aren't"
He said
As if you have control over me anymore
I thought
But he knows that still remains true
"Change *your life"
He said
Darling my sad excuse of a life was changed long ago
When I first met you
And got lost in your destructive eyes
That ripped apart my heart, tore it
"Forever"
He said
As if he truly does believe he will have an impact
F o r e v e r
I thought
Though he may be right, he cannot
Speak to me of forever
For it is not something he knows the meaning of...*

This is not a poem of shame,
nor a poem of depression
Just simply a poem I wrote
For him to learn a lesson.

H
   E

        S
           A
               I
                 D
                       *but I thought

Dry and clinging to the walls of my empty suspicion
I crawl without moving
And move towards the hollow calls of foolish lies,

Whose meat feeds my need to feel numb,
Dumb and distracted,
I repeatedly re-enact the play that is my life,
A satire of piecemealing the whole,
Living on the gratification of stealing being,
Not certain of actual feeling
Persisting as a pretend order amongst the chaos
That permeates the holes within the hollow
Constantly doubting.

Scraping and scarring the cold surface
I’ve molded to seal my fading warmth
Within the progressive advances of a lost purgatory unseen.

Those three words have two meanings;
One is a promise,
and the other is the secret that lies in it:
Will I or will I not leave?

Those three words have two endings;
One is forever,
and the other is the pain that lies beneath it:
Will this or will this not end?