I just want to feel loved
I just want to feel loved
I just want to feel loved
I just want to feel loved
I just want to feel loved
Please just let me feel loved

Hmm... these words bring tears to me
What pitiful thoughts to come from the depths of my heart

Worthless
         useless, fat idiot
ha... isn’t that cute how you mean nothing to anyone?
           you’re just so **** stupid
                             please just ******* die already
     90 days? You really haven’t deserved to bleed in 90 days??
                don’t fool yourself, no one will ever love you

All this ****
It’s all inside me
It hasn’t gone anywhere
Maybe the medication hides it
But only for a week or so
It will always return
It’s the only version of me I know

I don’t want to live
I don’t want to be alive
I don’t want to suffer this existence
I don’t want to watch everyone else turn out fine
I don’t want them to watch me wither and fall...

But here I am
Falling, fading, failing
Dying slowly
Day after day
As the hope I once had fails me
And all I see is darkness
Death is inviting
Oh, Merciful God, won’t you let me die?
This is cruel
To leave me like this
Damaged, wounded, suffering
AND YOU WONT EVEN ******* SAY WHY

God, you don’t hear me

Ugh, what raw pleasure I feel
To contradict my upbringing
To scream at what I’ve always believed in
No... I don’t quite mean it...
But I feel it
And I will say absolutely anything
If it gets me to feel


Mm... how exquisite...

All will perish
Under the seething,
callous fright.
The insanity within.

A relentless force,
Though cunning and quiet.
A shadow lies
Awaiting its time

Seethe.
         Seethe.
                 Seethe.

Adrenaline
Excitement
A shiver of thrill.

Ignition
           Ignition
                     Ignition

An ember catches
And sets the world ablaze
But the shadows...
The shadows remain

Destruction
            Destruction
                        Destruction

Everything will fall
As the end draws ever close
None can hide
And none are spared

Wail my name in anguish,
cry out in desperate agony,
shriek through silenced mouths,
and I shall burn your spirit to cinders.

The chasm in my chest won’t fill
It just aches and grows
As more and more of me is lost
In the abyss

And tonight the emptiness is so deep
It’s so strong that nothing feels right
Consistently disappointed
Everything within is lacking
I need something
I can’t say precisely what
But it’s likely it got lost somewhere
Within the chasm

I might pour alcohol into it
See if I can find the bottom somewhere...
I’ll probably end up feeling like ****
But that’s a price I’m glad to pay
If I can be genuinely happy for a few hours
Where I can feel my smiles in my heart
And they aren’t just painted on my face

If I can’t fill it with alcohol
I’ll fill it with blood
Doesn’t really matter how long it’s been
I can cut again
Shock myself into reality
Drag myself out of the fog
I’m not so used to it anymore
It probably won’t take much
Just a few wild slices
A few drops of blood
And a sharp wince
As I realize what I’ve done

I don't really trust anyone
I don't know if I love anyone
My heart is cold and dead
Black and hard
What am I doing??
I'm not getting anywhere
Just falling further behind
Further below
Further away

Show me my demise
And I'll embrace it
With a great sigh of relief

I really don't write poetry
I just let my messy ******* head bleed out
And I guess it produces words

I really don't wanna deal with the hassle
of having to tell my therapist
I cut myself because I got bored