tonight
we drink the stars
toasting the moon
bodies entwined
like barbed wire
in the darkness
eager hands
striking out
there's hate now
where there once
was love
but a spark of
kindness remains
and a spark is
all it takes to
ignite a fire
and our love
will explode
like a supernova
into the infinite
universe of
nothingness

I wanted you the way that
January leaves need the
snow to water out
their dry, cracked
veins

but now you're in my
blood, the way that
an infection crawls
into an open wound,
plants it's seeds and
grows there

every lungful of
air is mixed with
sand, sticking like
dust to the back of
my throat

sandbagging
our voices, forcing them
to be content with
the odd restless
word that slips
through our lips
whilst we're sleeping

silence is our
live in and she
runs a tight ship

tight enough
to keeps us touching
no matter how hard
our limbs try to fight
their way to
freedom

the promises
were too high
the cost of failing
to meet them
will show
in due time

in the shade of the Autumn trees

we twisted fallen leaves
between our fingers

pulled their veins apart
as if they could bleed

shredded brittle bits
of orange leaf until
there was nothing

nothing

but dust

You stand
one foot outside the door
expecting me to pull you back
by my heartstrings

but I am tired,
and no longer beat
in time to your

movements

so, go

and I shall burn
myself to ashes
to rise again

and your memory
shall be dust

I wake up eager for that first coffee
that early morning cigarette
and that smile across the table
hidden behind a book
but I can still see it, my love
through those off-white pages
words swirling about your face
I can still see that smile that melts my heart
like syrup on a summer’s day

I am a child of the Earth,
sun soaked, soil clinging
to my bleeding fingernails,

breathing out the fires of desperation
and temptation,
breathing in the flame of purification
and damnation,

I am Earth child,
covered in mud and blood,
singing with the weeds,
dancing between the lilac lilies

and in a second
I realised
that it was not love
I craved

but a deep
understanding
of my soul

for someone
to take the time
to navigate my wounded
heart

dare I say?
take steps to repair it

no. It is not love I want
but salvation in the arms
of an Earthly God

we thought our love was bullet proof

like the glass of the prisons
we have put ourselves in

uncaged- we roam
the streets of passion and consequence

darting between fear and love
so easily, as if it were our natural state

our natural form, now alien
to our bitter bones

we carve our niche
sit on the anchor of our own
intolerance to change

we are not bullet proof
we are a paper house

caught in the chaos of the
earthquake

As a child, I believed in
April, in nights that
drew way from winter,
and pulled sharply into
Spring

the smell of polish
soaking into old oak
furniture

my fingers playing
lightly with the
wind

and daffodils

now, I dread
the frequent showers,
the Easter eggs planted
like mines,

surrounding me

in that moment of
unkowingness, I am a child
again, checking flower beds
for clues and seeking sweetness
in neglected corners
of earth

I was never interested
in hunting until I lost
myself

It's an echo of war

a battle no-one can
remember fighting

or winning

but we know that
we are the
losers

somehow

even if we can't
see it

It's an echo of war

a battle no-one can
remember fighting

or winning

but we know that
we are the
losers

somehow

even if we can't
see it

hearts beating,
black blood

limbs twisted together wildly,
like contortionists

fingers gripping onto fingers,
like icicles

something beautiful,
made obscene

we are a mere echo of love

We are all humans,
eating sweets from the
palms of our enemies

we are greedy, lustful,
animals. Swallowing air by
the gallon because it's free

our lungs turn black as
coal, black as a starless
night sky

in the garden of discontent,
before Eve tainted the taste
of apples

before Adam bit through the rubbery red skin, down to
the white flesh

taking hope into his mouth
and spitting it straight
back out

the trick is in your eyes
love and lies
that twist like a knife
in my spine

a deep blue ocean
that I have drowned in
a thousand times

why do I even try?

cut loose, cut free
unshackle my hands
from your tortuous
"I love you"

that is never meant
to server anything
except you own
ego

Wild colours of rage
stir in my heart
when our lips
meet

months back
we were neutral
blue

slowly
the yellow of me
wrapped

around the green
Earth of
you

& now brown
live wire wraps
around my tongue

& I can taste
the electricity
of love

I remember the first time we met;
you were a lightning bolt that
stricked a fire in my heart

they were dark days,
I was resting on the shoulders of
hopelessness, dancing with a two
left footed devil

it took me less than a heartbeat
to trust you, to test the water,
the wild white waves of my madness

nuzzled into my neck, as if
God himself had designed for
our spines to lock

man of the stars, wandering
the skies to find me, a held out
hand pushing though the galaxies
that tie us to reality, to longing

roaming far from my chest. An
empty cage where fishbones
rattle,

I pray for rain, for thunder,
for the slightest sign of you.
I am not soft and warm,

I am calamity, child of the
night, woman of the Earth
holding an entire universe
between my teeth

and waiting, wild eyed and hungry
for your electric

kiss

we ran screaming from the sea
because we saw the crest of a wave
and could scarecely imagine what else
the ocean had to offer

we ran screaming form the burning house
because we saw the flame of the candle
and could not see our place
standing next to the unimaginably powerful fire

we felt so small against the elements
until we realised that we, too, were elements
and that the fire and the water may indeed
one day, run from us

Hunger made you sink
to your knees,

sifting through the earth for
red berries that have fallen
from a blackbird's beak,

I bring water to quench
your thirst. How simple
an act and how
magnificent,

to think myself stronger
than famine,

strong enough to tame  
war torn cities into
sleeping dogs,

I am fire, light and air

the very elements of
existence

a supernova, burning up
a planet

I am the begining and
the end

of everything

I am told to grow a
backbone -

thicken my skin.

I forget about the burns
on my wrists,

branded by childhood fears
that never fade.

But you took my hands
into yours, stared into my eyes

at the witching hour. 4am is
when the ropes start to

bind. Black dust that fills my
lungs, like tar,

my rib cage shakes when
you circle my heart with

your finger. I was warned not
to give in too easily,

that head over feet, that heat
fizzled out and left you cold.

I do not need to be strong,
when I am held in

your arms, soft and
safe wrapped in the blanket of

your kiss

I will find you
in the darkest corner of
my heart,

wrap you in red wine
silk, amongst my secrets
and guilt,

I have crawled on broken grass
to get here. I will not stop until
each molecule of you is absorbed
into my flesh,

I will drink your sweat as if it
were an elixir for eternal life,

for I am eternal
in your arms

Violet skies like Elizabeth’s eyes

we are children of midnight

skipping through moondust

the stars, our breadcrumbs

littered behind us, leading us

home

to the constellation’s root

the beating, burning heart of

the sun

empathy

our hearts twist in torment
over who is most deserving of it

the child washed up on a beach
or the bleeding teenager carrying
a secret that can never be told

it seems impossible to us
that we can give our kindness

to more than our arms can reach
to more than our eyes can see

but we are all ticking time bombs
of love, the explosion will come

and darkness cannot outlast a sun
as ferocious as a bleeding, human

heart

My eyes scan the empty night

stars burn my soul,
exposing the core of me

the darkness and light
that contrast in an infinite paradox,
that my mind cannot always bare

the moon picks my heart, like a flower
and treats it with a fragility it isn’t used too

my heart and soul now belong
to the endless night

and I feel a calmness I have not felt in years
knowing I am now a child of the universe

Once again
the sound of magpies
hunting fills my head with
images of daylight

and picnics we took
under ash trees
on top of itchy
blankets

I know you only read
those books for me

to make me feel
safe in having something
to say when the conversations
turned to salaries and
mortgages

or maybe that's
unkind. Maybe you
just wanted to understand
me better

when the four ninety-nine
red wine reaches me
I taking about the poems
I'm writing

grape glazed eyes
stare, squinting through
the sun, trying not to
smile. They move on

when we are alone
again we still pretend
I lie about the friends
I met for coffee and
you tell me that I look
beautiful

I wonder if you know
the way we sleep

I hope not

and that you'll never ask
why I crawl out of the
sheets when sleep has
taken you

I sleep on the floor
and slip back beside you
just before you
wake

we never mention doctors or pills
and you know not to hug me
too tight

I make tea for both of us
even though we don't drink
it. It's hard to shake
off the words our mothers said
about a cup curing
everything

when the birds are
still, I open the window
and think of flying,
to have a body light enough
to break free of
the mind

I take my first
lungful of air
but you reach out
and hold me
where my wings
should be

(they're broken now)

and I realise I'm not the
only one who pretends
to be asleep

you wrap me up
like old glass
in soft blankets

slip another book
off my bedside table
into your bag

and don't cry
until you've
shut the door

Once again
the sound of magpies
hunting fill my head with
images of daylight

and picnics we took
under ash trees
on top of itchy
blankets

I know you only read
those books for me

to make me feel
safe in having something
to say when the conversations
turned to salaries and
mortgages

or maybe that's
unkind. Maybe you
just wanted to understand
me better

when the four ninety-nine
red wine reaches me
I taking about the poems
I'm writing

grape glazed eyes
stare, squinting through
the sun, trying not to
smile. They move on

when we are alone
again we still pretend
I lie about the friends
I met for coffee and
you tell me I look
beautiful

I wonder if you know
the way we sleep

I hope not

and you've never asked
why I crawl out of the
sheets when sleep has
taken you

I sleep on the floor
and slip back beside you
just before you
wake

we never mention doctors or pills
and you know not to hug me
too tight

I make tea for both of us
even though we don't drink
it. It's hard to shake
off the words our mothers said
about a cup curing
anything

when the birds are
still I open the window
and think of flying
to have a body light enough
to break free of
the mind

I take my first
lungful if air
but you reach out
and hold me
where my wings
should be

(they're broken now)

and I realise I'm not the
only one who pretends
to be asleep

you wrap me up
like old glass
in soft blankets

slip another book
off my bedside table
into your bag

and don't cry
until you've
shut the door

perhaps the poem was deleted

in a frenzy of regret and rage

but words, once written

can never be truly

erased

Like ancient Greeks
crafting words onto patched
papyrus, we are the split
at the bottom of a
kalamos with enough
ink to sign our names

We were born of
water reeds. Our salt-wrapped
hearts still float amongst
the long leaves

in the river where we drowned

Like ancient Greeks
crafting words onto patched
papyrus, we are the split
at the bottom of a
kalamos with enough
ink to sign our names

We were born of
water reeds. Our salt-wrapped
hearts still float amongst
the long leaves

in the river where we drowned

I can taste
the metal
of the sky,
steel stars and
aluminium moons,
iron gates,
shielding hearts like
a rib cage, but ribs
break
and the iodine smell
of broken skin
seeps into the
floor, like a blood
stain
bright red at first,
but dulling to
a ***** brown
I am Eve
before the apple,
my snake
merely butter-
fly and I can
see Adam, reach
his hand towards
me, lips smirking
as he feels me
twist, like tin
foil, away
from his
waist

A candy striped knitted blanket covers were frail thighs,
resting underneath her hands that have baked bread, dug earth and planted tulips.
Hands that have stroked the head of a new born baby, still glistening and ******.
Hands that have crawled out thirties Jewish ghettos.
I reached out to touch them and she turned to me and said,
'Even my wrinkles have wrinkles'

Come down,
from the dizzying heights
of passion

and tell me that
you love me in
the ordinary

the day to day dust
the rising of the sun
without the promise of a
breathtaking sunset

I love you
in the every day
my morning coffee
my midnight wine

please tell me that
you feel the same
because passion cannot
sustain my heart
forever

we kissed, like young lovers do
on bridges, in the pouring rain
finding beauty in each teardrop,

making promises we believed
with our whole hearts
we would keep,

now the relentless turning calendar
has rendered us old,

our hands wrinkled
but still clutched tightly
together,

knowing that promises mean nothing

(and everything)

we lived in a fantasy
that if we saved
each other

then we would
somehow heal the
brokenness that sat heavy
in our hearts

not realising that we were
losing ourselves
by fighting so hard
for each other’s

existence

I have tried to tame the universe,
as it's fabric teared into violent
mornings, racing towards ******
afternoons,

messages left in smudged
fingerprints across sheets
of time,

licking the sky gray

Suicide, I thought,
would be my stage exit

(left)

until the pills got stuck in my throat, the doctors got stuck into my heart

pounding, their television screens bleeping

bringing me back
to Hell

when I was just a
step away

from Heaven

I hated him for denying me
a fight

leaving in the morning
like a dream

through the slightly open window
and rippling curtains

There is a comfort in shouting
words bouncing off the walls
like bullets

I wanted to give him
an exit wound

but I turned over to find
an empty pillow

If we lie here long enough
we will feel the curve of
the Earth moulding into
the curve of our spines,

the universe expanding above
us, relentless and racing as
our hands weave together,
pulled tight at the fingers
like shoe laces,

we watch paper aeroplanes
fly like comets, brilliant
against the carpet of night,

cloudless, we imagine faces
that we know, white stars
growing like flowers,
time passing in seconds,
speeding into hours as

our hearts beat against
our bones, the air wrapping
around our skin  as we fit,
piece by piece,

into each other

A hook
an eye for an eye
hanging helpless
at the end of
your line

Your gaze burns into
the back of my skull

intensity that I dare not
look away from

daring to ask questions
that speech cannot

a fire inside the heart
of your eyes

yet they are as empty as
a snakes

heartbreak cutting through
your irises

your pupils shining black
with grief

am I really responsible
for the death of such beauty?

for the death of a sacred look
a sacred wink

can we not go back to the beginning?

brown eyes that I fell in love with
and mine, blue

that you said were as deep
as the ocean

and yet more beautiful

and yet, and yet,
at the end of the day

more deadly

Dreaming
With eyes wide
Open

Is the same
As running
Blind

A risk
Worth taking
Instead

Of the chocking
Confinements
Of this

God
****
Cage

I look at his face
and try to read
the crimes that
live in the lines
of his skin,
the murders
that ripple
in the air
between us
and the love
that sits like
a forrest fire
inside me

Of the million faces I have seen
I remember every line and crack
of yours,

ocean blue eyes,
those gentle waves
that swirl around
your ink black
pupils

I can paint from memory
the freckles on your cheeks,
a dot to dot map
that leads me home
when I am lost,

Of all the million faces I have seen
I would give up the rest of my life
to see yours, one more time

I leave the lights on,
it's better that way

I tear my heart in two,
hoping it will make you stay

your fingerprints singe my skin,
evidence that we once were

together

I wrap my arms around myself.
pretending they're yours

and

f a d e a w a y

without you

Heart bursting

like spring blooms

I am not sentimental

but your touch is the Devil’s finger

your lips, soaked in Holy Wine

and when they meet mine

I believe in a God I have denied

with all my heart

now bursting with life

I see your eyes
false stars in a faithless sky
begging us to try again

but luck runs dry, like water
and dull sparks cannot reignite a fire
the burnt out, long ago

I miss your touch
but it no loner warms me
or reaches my heart

farewell, faithless sky
I have to say goodbye

A fall

(in love)

comes after

(losing)

all resemblance of pride

you cannot be

(proud)

and

(in love)

love strips you

(bare)

and leaves you

(childlike)

innocent and raw

now I have

(fallen)

and I am a hundred times

(stronger)

for it

It was the cruelest thing,
to be told you had to fall

(in love)

to hear that anything would do it,
that it was needless to be picky.

Do not wait for an animal
breath on your neck,

warm and wild
with freedom,

to be a stray woman, abandoned
on the shores of

unrequited lust. To be Godless,
yet pray, as you crawl

between sheets, his heat
rising like yeast beside you

beg, let me stay fearless
and upright,

as my teeth unhook, as I
once was

looking, looking, looking

(love)

They are trawling
the sea bed for
clues, as if we are
simply a plane
to fall out of
the sky. Our
last kiss, spread
on meat trays,
our clasped hands
in body bags.

the fire that started
at our wingless
shoulder blades

proved fatal