In the corner of your eye
I see a tear

that takes me to the heart
of the ocean

the roar of the waves
shaking my ears

in a desperate cry
to be heard

darling, I hear you

your head folded into my neck
like a paper aeroplane

our lips meeting
passing nectar that restores

even the frailest, weakest of men
from the brink of

their hollow, lonely death

you are in my arms
and there is nothing left to fear

but the fear
of fearing to love

I am more than my fears, he says

but he does not know
what lurks the the recesses
of my mind,

the demons that no other
has dared to dance with,
the monsters that no other
has wanted to tame,

I am bone shivering
cold, midnight darkness
without stars,

open skies that overwhelm
without landmarks,
with no point of reference
between what was and what
might be,

how do I grow from this pile
of ashes,
that I spent years wishing
someone would scatter
across the sea

I am more than my fears, perhaps
it is a leap of faith

but I dare not jump
(arms outstretched)
into the unknown

I dare not
I dare not

I
dare
not

We picked feathers
off the ground and
saved them, hoping we
would eventually collect
enough to fly

when the frost came
and covered the streets in
white dew, we wound count
out how many we had

but it was as if we were
always in debt to the birds
who’d lost them, plucking out
the one thing that gave them
a freedom that we would
never know

These are the poems that aren't about us,
or about love, but tell stories that weave
upon skin like silk, and echo back the
whispers that are kept within

twelve times yesterday,
I called you. between coffee -
breaks and

gossip

you never answered

today, I leave messages
that make me sound like
a lost child, a shrill scream
that shakes down the
wires

did you receive
it?

did you feel the edges of my body
become the edges of your
own?

your eyes were always bright
and brilliant, blue in the way that
the ocean is

but isn't

tomorrow, it will stop
I'll take my shoes off and run
wild with the winds and roars

of a silent

sea

the fever dream of our love
curls like the smoke of a
cigarette around the
window frame,

begging to be let loose
into the wild to dance
around the sun like
a child who has no
burden

it smiles back at us
softly, as if it can
sense the sorrow
it has left
behind

we are left
without a dream
stumbling along
trying to grow
and breathe
with half
of our soul
wrapped around
the sun

FIGHT

shoes kicking at a stained carpet, ,
fingernails holding onto a
thread, my screams (echoing)
bouncing off the walls of
an empty room

FLIGHT

run, just run
my legs are lead
or jelly, neither state
in motion. I get to the
door, frantically struggle
with the lock. He turns
and grins. I am trapped.

FREEZE

lying on a stinking bed
my arms shackled tightly
above my head, my body,
tired and empty. It can give
no more. I can give no
more. I am like ice,
solid and cold, waiting
to thaw

as he leaves the room,
my body broken,
my spirit crush ,

he smiles, a half smile
like a wolf who is about
to burst into a grin

you have
the whole
universe
swirling
inside
you

you
must
be
on
fire

You can
start a fire
without knowing how
to build one

You are oxygen,
giving life to
a fire,
to a girl
who will reduce you
to
ashes

I do not want my heart to burn with longing,
for this love to be a fire that roars when our fingers touch,
our lungs shrinking, our coughs and splutters
mixing in the air

I just want to feel warm.

At some point,
I think everyone
dreams of fire

to burn bridges
down, tumbling
rubble, metal
melting back into
lava

you could start again,
then, It would be
easy enough

I’m not saying
that I like to
watch the skins
of structures peel

but who doesn't
look at a burning
building and feel
something more
than fear

something more
than loss

something more like
hope

and excitement

a racing heart
that soars above
the sirens

and sends
voices, through
pulses, into your
ear

you could run into
that, you know

you could pull
someone out

save something

you could make it
beautiful

At some point,
I think everyone
dreams of fire

to burn bridges
down, tumbling
rubble, metal
melting back into
lava

you could start again,
then, It would be
easy enough

I’m not saying
that I like to
watch the skins
of structures peel

but who doesn't
look at a burning
building and feel
something more
than fear

something more
than loss

something more like
hope

and excitement

a racing heart
that soars above
the sirens

and sends
voices, through
pulses, into your
ear

you could run into
that, you know

you could pull
someone out

save something

you could make it
beautiful

you try
with a flint
and matches
to set a fire
in his heart

but the ice
that lives there
melts it as soon
as it touches it

and she knows
she will have to
either live in the cold
loveless and cruel
or be a moth to a flame
forever

I do not ask you to stay
with my eyes
with tears and looks of desperation

I do not as you to stay
with my hands
fingers clinging to you, half possessed

I don’t even ask you to stay
with my heart
hoping beyond hope that the beat
of my pulse will guide you home

No.

I ask you to stay with the stars
to look at our names, that have long burnt
in the midnight sky

they burn inside me now
I am consumed by the blaze
and I know that you are feeling
as cold as the moon towards me
but a little ice would put the fire out

and maybe there is hope
when fire and ice collide

Fallen -
like Lucifer
we find ourselves a new home

scolding -
we toast marshmallows in the the flames
let them lick our feet

burn our hair
until the smell makes us
faint

for you,
and only you

I take tea in the fires of Hell

A kiss that stitched my lips

A touch that burnt and bruised

A fist that shattered my faith

My hope ground to dust

I put all my trust in a

Devil

So I’ll take the life you took from

Me

On my own terms this time

How can I run from your ghost

Time blurs my memories until I don’t even know

Myself

I invite you into the room of fire and Hell

That will stay in the corner of my mind

Until the day I die

**** fireworks

when I flinch at every

explosion

of my mind

scattering across the midnight

sky

my body trembling at every

blast

echoing back to the touch of

you

Fireworks sent me to you,
red and green, burning
stars and flower
crackers

I try to hold onto that.

I remember braiding hair
at the mouth of the river,
golden strings weaving
between my fingers

legs stretched roughly
across long grass, the
itch of it spreading
under our cotton
dresses

I imagine, the waves
washing over my face
as I swim down consuming
the deep black drop
of nothingness,

as I cover my ears
to the roars
of planes,

turn my guts away
from the motion
of a boat

I listen,
to the beat of
your heart as I thread

strand over strand

and pull

Turn me free from this fickle life

this reckless longing
for the things that will destroy me

(you)

my heart is a fist in your hands
turning inwards,
beating the living **** out of me

in the name of love, my dear
in the name of forever

cut me loose

I have seen enough of love

You were out wandering the
hills and valleys of my
heart

and I said you couldn’t stay, no
you had to go, I can’t bare to
see the pity in your eyes

we were driving through the woods as if God had chosen us,
with no fear in our souls for they

were already sold to the devil
in his handsome navy suit,
not a pitchfork tail in sight

and I learnt what they meant
about disguise, that night

I said leave me now, please
five miles away from home
I said, I can walk it, there are
no holes in my shoes

but you clung to me like a
long forgotten whisper, and
I knew I had no choice but

to love you

we are creatures of habit,
using the same coffee cups,
and sharing the same broken dreams
in the morning

you’ve smoked the same brand of cigarettes
for five years,
and their traces linger on my flesh
like fingerprints

routines keep us safe, you say,
but I don’t want to be safe

I want to be wild,
running barefoot under the moon

I want to be reckless,
dancing with you in a thunderstorm

I want to be passionate,
to kiss you for longer than you
can hold your breath

to **** you with a longing that’s been burning
for five years

to kiss the very life out of you

Grace diminished,

what once was a bright, shining star

is now a blown out candle

I trace your name in the smoke, in the wax

a desperate attempt to rebuild from the ruins

our love is the flames that went out

without warning

and without a match to get them going

again

I miss you in my heart
even if my mind is screaming at me
to run from the fire before
I go up in flames

I take you by the
elbow, hold onto you
like cherry blossom clings
to a tree in spring, only
to shed itself, scatter in
the wind when summer
comes

a light breeze blowing
as we sit next to the
lake, threading dandelions
into necklaces because
that yellow **** is
all we have
to pick

I am sure the face
of that deathly still
water imprinted itself
on your heart that day,
with the sky forget me -
not blue, shining down
on us,

the sun, licking our bare
arms, as if we are
the only reason for its
flames

Caged birds do not sing

Until they are given a voice

Do not fly

Until they learn to find their wings

But with patient nurturing,
they will grow from meek and timid things

From quivering chicks hiding in the shadows
Into a fledgling

Preparing to take flight into a sky of endless possibilities

This carpet is
alive

a thousand ants
scuttling
scratching
the back of
my neck

I know your tongue
is blue before it is
inside me

Cheap alchopops
topping up glasses
of cheaper *****

You don't smoke
anymore but
I am still passively

Choking in the fumes
that trigger off
those pleasure
receptors in
your brain

Is this why
you're doing
it?

Is it just
a greater
pleasure?

I am thankful
for the adults
water you gave me

Liquid lullabies
that buzz gently
in my brain

Whilst you strip

a flower doesn’t shed its petals
merely to be seen naked

it sheds them
to show the other flowers

that it is okay to be
vulnerable

I want to pour my soul into
your mouth, until you gag

it is my shame that stops me,
I am ashamed of my own longing

the still pink part of my heart
that beats for you

my water- logged lungs,
the legs that have trended water
for so long, kicked from under me

and I do not know the difference,
between riding out the waves,
or drowning

anymore

I smile and wait for the Autumn,
for the long breaths and deep pauses of Summer to fade

I sit on the porch swigging spirits, but the ghosts are within me and not
without

I swallow pills,
one blue, two white
two round, one flat

pills to stop my heart from racing
pills to stop the twitching
pills to **** the memories that lurk, like dark men in alley ways

he was not dark
it was not an alley way

there was no long grass to lick
my body, no rough wall to bruise my back

no, it was not outside at all

laying in a darkened migraine room, wrapped in a filthy sleeping bag

whilst strangers laugh in kitchens, smoking *** and drinking beer

but I still know the weight of a man leaving a bleeding, stinging, ****

and the frantic showering off of evidence

I will be asked if it was slinky and if my lips were scarlet

I will cry into the pillows I wish he'd smothered me with

every Summer, I will sit
and shake with memories

as if the very sun were to rub salt into my wounds

I will count out pills, swallowing them with lukewarm water

and I will wait

wait, wait, wait

for Autumn

forbidden fruit,
a sinful piece
quickly devoured,
the rest, now rotting -
amongst the wasps
and weeds

I was tempted
by your apple slice
- smile
your cold snake eyes
charmed me, in chaos

I knew the root to be bitter
and still took the fall


if I am ever an Eve to your Adam,
then I am the Eve of War,
leaving a trail of blood,
like breadcrumbs

to lead me back to you

If there was some amazing
force of nature
twist of fate
that could bring us back
to that night
where we held hands on an open beach
the ocean wide mouthed and hungry
devouring minutes until morning
the sand twisting like time beneath our feet
there were only secrets and whiskey
and our hands
classed so tightly
fighting off daylight

We're drinking tea
from chipped mugs
again, like we do
every morning

dropping sugar
grain by grain
until the sweetness
settles on the top
like a second
skin

we wake up before the alarm sounds
first a minute to ****
and then two

as we sleep
closer night after night
our legs wrapped up
like a song
lyric

I wispered Eliot into your ears, you would leave it
on Post It notes on
the fridge

we don't have photographs there
our love is not
visual

it is in touch
of breath against
neck at midnight

the tightening grip
of strong arms
around as I shake through another bad night

we know how we taste
and smell

the strawberry shampoo
that makes you want
to wrap my hair
around your tongue

I fit into you like
a fossa

our fingers resting
on the ucho
of our tea cups

I’m walking through a dark forest

trees caging me in
with their branches

it is the forest of my heart

beaten and bruised
until there is nothing left

but a small red *****
that anyone can hold in their hand

and destroy further

branches like bars
and trunks like locks

the forest is unforgiving

but I must walk through it
every night

in order to reach daylight

forever, they say

you will not feel this way, forever

and I try, with every breath in my lungs,
to believe them

with every fibre of skin
on my bruised and beaten body

but I realise that I have already had
my chance at breaking free from
the shackles of sadness

this is it, I think

that ship sailed before
I even knew it was possible
for me to board it

and now, there is not even
the flicker of a candle light
at the end of the tunnel

hope has been squeezed from me
like the juice from a lemon
leaving only the bitter pips
for me to spit out

I realise, too late that
I am forever

forever lives through me

the pull of the
moon

the light of the
sun

the beat of a
heart

the becoming of
one

I trace the lines on
your back

as if they are a
map

to lead me to a
hidden land

the reach of an
arm away

how long are you going
to stay with me?

forever.

forever.

forever.

Forever

I never said it, but I felt it,
with every fibre of my being,
every hair on my arm
and cell of my skin

I know you didn’t,
and that’s okay, too

we are not equals in love
nor are we meant to be

forever taught us to sing
like nightingales,
each note an echo of a heart -
beating, in unison,

we were the wild ones,
reckless with love,
spending its currency
like there was no tomorrow

and now we cling to the tomorrow
we never thought we’d share,

hands clasped tight,
our initials written
on our spines in fingerprints

we glow under the stars of
the ones that made it
through together

We spent 3am ,

tongues twisted in conversations
plucked from the depths of our souls

flicking cigarettes against the brickwork,
their ashes hitting the ground, silently

we counted and named each star,
ripping up the book of constellations
because it didn’t speak of
our love, our passion, our urgency

we wanted to be new, fresh, vital
as if we had the right to stamp our mark
on the sky, forever

but why not,
when we knew that our hearts
would not, could not, love each other

forever

You forged my heart

and stamped it
on every lover’s lips

every act of authenticity
got lost

in your haste to make
quick bucks of love

Don't worry, darling
the ocean will be only a
memory, one day,

the wild waves a footnote
in the story of your
meandering life

we will meet occasionally,
drinking espressos in
the heart of London

imagining we are somewhere
(anywhere) else

but eventually, you will
forget me, and I will

not shake my limbs
into yours, worrying
about breaking the

skin. We are not
endless and forever
is now

I walk amongst the forget-me-nots
pale blue memories strike my core
as I take each step without you
kicking the dead soil of love
off the soles of my shoes

May the space between
where I am when I’m
alone

and where I am when I’m
with you

be the ground in which
we can plant the seeds

of forgiveness

the forgotten ones move amongst us,
voiceless

shifting shapes in the sand,

faceless ghosts haunting
our early morning cigarettes,

echoing in the hollow chamber of

spite
and lunacy,

we can see them, sometimes,
out of the corner of our eye,

the shadow in the corner of the room,
that we try to blink

away

Your breath is weak
on the back of my neck
as we pretend to sleep,

my heart is heavy,
sinking, as I know
I shall be leaving
soon,

as the moonlight
fades and the tiny
specks of starlight
disappear,

we are two broken
hearts that could
not heal each other

we were always tethering
on the edge of love,
lust melting like honey
on warm bread,

don't you feel it
darling? the dull ache
of loneliness that hums
between us like
electricity,

there was a spark, once
as I looked into your eyes
and felt like I was home,

but now we are ghosts,
hollow, without substance,
empty spaces where there
should be

everything
we've ever said,
ever done,
ever tasted,

the memory of
your lips,
your mouth,
the shape
of ecstasy

and now, my love
the come down

harsh, a stripped fluorescent
light, skeletons shaking,
bonds and bones rattling,
the fossils of a
prehistoric romance

buried in the earth,
forgotten, left to be
discovered one day,

but not today.

you’re in my blood, like black ink

rewriting the next pages of my book

before I’ve closed the last chapter,

you’re in my bones, like calcium

laying the foundations for a lifetime

when I’ve only just begun

Our fingers searched

Like foxes rummaging through

Bags of trash

A cigarette packet

An empty Jack

bottle

I think we kissed in the dark

Before tonight

Our fingers searched

Like foxes rummaging through

Bags of trash

A cigarette packet

An empty Jack

bottle

I think we kissed in the dark

Before tonight

She knows her worth, now
and will no longer
sacrifice a part
of her broken heart
for someone
who does't
see the beauty
of her fractured
soul

we are free birds, they say

yet we will never forget
the cages we were once trapped in

singing between silver bars,
hoping our song would reach
the world beyond our prison

well, it reached you

but I still sing
so that you may always be reminded
that whilst you’ve found me, and released me

I am not a free bird
I am merely a caged bird, set free