its 3:30 am
and my mind
has once again
found its way to you
and my bed
is starting to feel
like your arms
and my teeth
are aching
for your lips
and my neck
is begging
for your breath
and my *******
hands are
searching for
your back
and i
swear to god
my entire *******
existence
is depending
on the rhythm
of your
breathing

Heart thumping
Face on the desk
We're talking about suicide
And I know what comes next

She tells us not to look
We have to close our eyes
She says it's an anonymous survey
And I wonder if I should lie

Raising our hands is a yes
And everything inside me
Screams no while I
Try to calm my bouncing knee

I raise a tentative hand
When she asks if we've considered suicide
That tentative hand raise is the largest step I've taken
And part of me feels peace deep down inside

I must be a *******
For falling in love with you
And you must also be a *******
For loving me too

Of all the types of self harm
You were the sweetest
And when I wanted to shut everyone out
You were my one weakness

And you must be a *******
For trying to pick up broken glass
But I am not a sadist and I won't let you
Hurt yourself whenever I crash

I met someone like you
In a sense that he possessed the same
Spirit as you,
With old passion that boils for the written word
See, he had the fire you had
The kind that enflames the heart,
Engulfs every part of the body,
The bright yellow that means destruction for those who dare to
Envision what lies behind the concrete walls

But he, better.
With a soul that lusted for the truth in things, only to find the truth couldn't be found in things we saw but in what we felt
But you wanted to see what could only be felt

I did meet someone like you,
Only he had a tenderness your hands couldn't have ever known,
Your heart wouldn't have bothered to attempt to give, or attempt to accept
Your mind wouldn't have fathomed-it goes against your illogical logic
(Narcissists aren't emotional when it doesn't concern them)
And your eyes couldn't see though wide open, because your heart is closed

He looked at me like the astronomers had conspired with the stars for me to find him,
For him to find me
And they aligned perfectly
As if the ancestors had boiled our blood in a clay *** to forge an unbreakable bond,
And like the 10 rules of life, written on stone and sealed with the love of Him

I guess what I'm saying is,
I met someone better than you

We're all stuck
In this panopticon
They promise us
Work will make us free
But they've lied about everything
So far
In the ***** ghettoes
Death was a fickle friend
My mom held me tight
And told me that everything
Would be just fine
But her last intake of breath
Was a poison
That overtook her lungs
And everything
Is not fine
And I'm starting to wonder
What freedom are they promising
It's ironic that our work should not
Make us free from these camps
But make us free from life

I'm so done
with the lies
ignorance
the avoidance of reality.

Wake up, seriously.
None of this will matter years from now
not even a month from now.

I don't want to play the games
nor fight against something superficial

I just want to go where life takes me
and join or be joined by others on the way.

Not get caught up in this tangle
and become trapped trying to straighten it all.

Let me live on my own
If you want to join me, fine.

Just don't **** up my life.

But that's the thing:
You don't have to
worry about me.
I am completely
capable of handling
every **** thing
that goes wrong
in my life and
I would really
just appreciate it
if you would
shut the **** up.

There are just
Some things
That shouldn't be
Written down
Or made into a poem
Because the
Thoughts inside
My head are too
Complex
For the language
Settings on my computer
Or for the lead
In my pencil to have
Enough force
Behind it
To make the words.