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Passing through the days in a sort of stream
Walking through the hallways like a movie
friends on either side
People to smile with at lunch
A person or two to send a wink.
A club and sport to participate in.

Its a delicate balance isn't it?
Like the average teenager,
nothing special at, almost boring.
But it's still a little gem of this thing called life.
Filled with all of those experiences that help us grow
and learn
and become
I have to be strong, smile through the tears
Everything is fine, don't worry I'll take care of it

I have to walk with confidence
even though I want to curl up in a corner
and fade from existence

Don't worry about me I just need a day to reset
Ill be fine I'm strong, I have to be
A warrior

Gotta take care of others time for me later
Doesn't matter that I didn't eat for a week
That didn't show enough self control

It will never be enough
I can't cut parts of me out
I can't rid my hatred of myself
I can't stop becoming what I don't want to
I can't just get away from everyone

There's no escaping
I'm trapped

But I'm a warrior, a fighter.
There's nothing wrong with me, I'm fine

Even though I'm not healing fast enough
I hate everyone because I hate myself
my mind in in contortion
thoughts swirl and dance
in endless random currents
there is no head nor tail to the madness

as i trying to grab hold of these thoughts
they flit away
and I am driven insane
trying to clasp onto thoughts
that cannot be caught
He used to be in the center of it all
always living in the moment,
Enjoying life in its very essence

Then he got a camera
changed himself and his name

Now he takes pictures if those in the center of attention
Taking amazing photos of those living life in its essence

Now he can't be found as he is hiding behind the camera
Disappearing into someone that is invited to parties for the photos

He has grown small and secluded into a view frame
One sees what he sees and does but not who he is

He is the boy behind the camera
Stormy blue eyes search the horizon from atop a parking garage
The storm despritely rages around the pupil as it searches for the sea
But alas, even eight stories up, endless towers block distant waves from the mixed blue
Yet they still search on, darting back and forth
Trying to find something tht matches the wavy blue eyes
I don't even know, lol
I never realized I carried this little shadow
That awful mistakes from the past actually have consequences

I thought I was invincible before
that I could act and feel
and actually be above someone else

When in reality I was far below.

Thanks to these times when I had hurt others
with no immediate punishment

I suffer now
By being closed off
to all those wonderful people
That I broke apart for pleasure
Karma takes her time
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