You are my vacation
You’re eyes are my blue ocean
Hair the sand
Smile the sunshine
And lips the cool needed breeze

Enchantingly beautiful
Magnificent
Inspiring
Loving
Youthful

I play this twisted game when I start to question why people talk to me. I call it “Are you paying attention”. Usually it’s not in person.

I’ll send a Snapchat that if you actually looked at it you would notice my glossy eyes and my red nose from crying.

But you won’t notice

I’ll smile when you tell a joke or I’ll nod in a agreement but you don’t watch my smile fade when I look away.

But you won’t notice

I’ll ask you if you’re ok to see if you ask me back. If you do respond you’ll believe me when I say I’m ok.

But you won’t notice

I’ll stay quiet and not as happy as I like to think I am. Hoping you notice and ask what’s wrong.

But you won’t notice

I want to think that you understand me. That you get me. I want to believe you listen when I’m upset. I want you to care. But when you don’t notice I know you don’t.

It’s a twisted game because you tell me you do care. And sometimes you show me you notice. Or when I’m crying you’re there for me. But if I don’t tell you something is wrong

You won’t notice

I don’t want you to tell me that I’m awesome
I don’t want you to tell me that I can do this
I don’t want you to tell me that I’m not fat
I don’t want you to tell me that I’m beautiful
I don’t want you to tell me I want ydon’t want you to tell me any of that

I want you to tell me you are here for me. That you won’t ever leave me. That you want to here what’s going on and you’ll stay until I can figure out what is going on. Tell me it is going to be ok and you will stay with me until it gets better.

A.) Wrong
B.) False
C.) Incorrect
D.) All of the above

It always goes the same way. You going a million miles a minute running around your room doing stuff. I'll catch every other word you say with the sound cutting in and out. I am either looking at the ceiling or it is paused because of the connection. But none of that bothers me. I don't mind not being able to hear everything you say so know what you are doing or what you are saying because I know you are there. I know if the connection cuts out you will call right back and apologize. All of your stories and comments not necessarily talking to me or seeing if I am listening but I am. So I find myself keeping busy with coloring, puzzles, writing, or just adoring you. We never really talk just the occasional what are you doing. but I like it. It's our thing. We don't have to talk to each to know we are there for each other. I would much rather be with you like this. You always end up making me laugh or smile and I don't get a lot of that so thank you for all of our casual FaceTimes.

You give happy a new meaning. I have never smiled so truly. People talk about smiling with your eyes but I can feel it in my whole body. Holding nothing back. Everything in my bones forcing me to smile. Even at the slightest thought of you I can't help but crack a smile. I'm in love with you. I want to be with you every second of every minute of every hour of every day. When you're in pain, ******, happy or when you can't decide what you are going to do with your life. I want to be there for you no matter what. I don't know how I got so lucky. you are indescribable in the best way. When I see you my mind goes blank. I get so flustered around you the only thing I can say is what do you want to do or I don't know. Even when you get mad at me for not deciding what to do I still love you. You could do the worst thing in the world and I would forgive you immediately. Because I love you.