"We'll talk to you when you're better."
"You're too much stress right now."
"I'm sorry that happened, but-"
Better?
What the hell does that mean?
Does depression just disappear?
Does it sink into the ground,
never again rearing it's ugly head?
If so, when does it leave?
Because 8 years is a pretty long time.
A pretty long time
to always be watching your back.
To feel like there's a pressure,
a sickening weight
sitting on your chest.
8 years feels like a ******* eternity
when you can't sleep at night.
When you cry over anything
and everything.
When your anxiety gets so **** bad
you can't leave your bed.
But no,
I am the one causing the stress.
Because I ask for help?
For mercy when I **** up?
All I ever asked was for you
to see me through the horrible,
wretched, gut-punching sadness.
To hold my hand while I cry,
and to laugh when my day is good.
Instead I got pushed away.
Told I was "too much drama"
So instead,
I'm losing friends who meant the world
to my aching heart.
Instead,
I'm sitting alone,
watching as they become best friends.
How is that fair?
Why should I sit back and watch
as they love their lives?
Because what's really wrong in their lives?
3 years of friendship down in the gutter.
Memories, laughs, tears.
Random drives, haunted houses.
Gone
I'm just left with the pictures
forcing myself to relive the moments;
now forever lost in time.
"We'll talk to you when you're better."
*there is no getting better