Sometimes I would hold the hand that broke me, expecting it to be a barricade between me and a vehicle.

Sometimes I got so scared of the monsters under my bed,
but I didn't realize that I crawled into bed with one, expecting it to stop the nightmares it caused in the first place.

Sometimes it kissed my finger when I got a paper cut,
but never once did it cool the tobacco kissed burns on my arm.
Sometimes it whispered "I love you" with the same lips that screamed "You're worthless!"

I remember when I hated everything about it but I still craved it to stay.
I remember when it left, but its presence still breaks my bones and cuts my skin.

I find my mind drifting back to you
Wondering what you're doing right now
Wondering if you're thinking of me
It happens from time to time
Especially when something happens
Good, bad, mediocre--I find myself wanting to tell you about it
What's happening to me?
Am I turning into this lovesick fool?
When did this minor crush turn into something this strong?
I'm not sure if I like it--
The vulnerability like a shy kid on his first day of high school
You literally have a part of me that no one else can take
I don’t know when it happened, when you claimed that part of me
But you did
And now here I am
Thinking about you
*And wanting to tell you everything about me

You said I look at you different now,
Something in my eyes...
I don't think I do.
I don't feel strange
Or out of my norm.

I enjoyed you.
The long talks we shared,
The unexpected laughter we found there,
The pull.
The comfortable embraces that overtook us,
Into the middle of the night...

Though...
As days passed on,
And months grew.
I realized what you said was true.
And I had been looking at you.
Not just stopping there but,
I had been feeling too.

That isn't something that I do.
Feel...
Animated...come to life like.
Looking forward and looking new.
Growing out from myself.

But that is exactly what I was doing.
All while looking at you.
While you said I was amazing and inspiring.
You seemed to think as I did.
For those were thing I would describe in you.

So I have to wonder.
For how long has this been stirring in me.
And why do I just recognize it now?
And maybe...
Just maybe,
You have been looking at me too.....



*© NDHK

Five blankets rumbling winds
and me
Mind humming like a bee
I didn't ask for it
(It didn't ask for me)
Unwinding the coils
at 4a.m.
And I feel
free

days like this, gray sky
over coastal grandeur,
I sit and look out across
the rubble of a city,
the rubble of our souls;
what a ******* mess
we have made.

the gulls loop and dive,
screaming, into the
winter lake, and all
the classical music
in the world couldn't compare
to the dull sorrow
of this moment;
such a beautiful contrast
of trash and gold.

we are all, every one,
searching for something
beautiful, something
to hold that won't turn
to stone.

I tried,
So hard
To make it work.

I tried so hard because  I hoped,
I hoped that you still loved me.
But you didn't
No matter what I did,
No matter how much I changed my self,
You couldn't love me any more.
It broke my heart when you left me,
And you know you did it
Though,
You never tried to fix it,
Just left me there like a broken doll
No one wanted to love.

************
He tried way to hard,
Couldn't he see,
I didn't love him anymore?
It was almost ridicules,
How much he tried to change.
It almost made me feel bad
when I broke it off,
Almost.

Now when I see you,
I think of how you look,
And act,
And sound.
You sound broken,
Like I was all you had to live for,
And you will never be happy with out me.

Well I have news for you,
There are plenty of fish in the sea,
Go catch one

You're an hour ahead of me,
so when I think good morning now,
did you feel it a while ago?

Did it settle in your pulse?
A warm sudden second?
Anything?

My heart is dead with missing you.
This is not a poem-
but calling it so
is the polish that makes pain
speakable.

Weak and feeble
Falling fast
Hot and Freezing
Not built to last

Slowly dying
Quickly reborn
Body aching
Heart full of scorn

I see darkness
Through and through
Is this an illness
Or am i thinking of you