Depression is an unwelcome guest,
here to stay.
Taking over his brain
And stealing his happiness,
His smile,
His words.
Depression is a flood
Filling our house with sadness
As he slowly drowns yet we stay afloat.
I began to feel his pain and sadness,
As if it were my own.
Anxiety is the pouring rain that feeds the flood.
Will I be the next to drown?

Wanted: the perfect dad
I want a dad who will say "I love you".  
A dad who will meet up for a beer just to chat.
I want a dad who can accept me for who I am.  
Someone who greets me with a hug when I visit for dinner.
Who gives me a safe place to work through my ED one meal at a time.
I want a dad who will watch football with me and help me understand the game.
Someone I can call to help me with anything.
Who is proud to call me his daughter.
I want a dad who I will never have.

Compliments are just words
that turn into lies as they reach my ears.
Afraid to hear them as they are,
telling me that I am enough.
But I can be better.
I am not enough.
Perfection is just a few steps away,
from a few steps away.
Never close enough to reach
But I will keep reaching.

I knew it was wrong,
the way you tickled me
in places that shouldn’t be touched.

I knew it was wrong,
seeing you in nothing but your tight underwear
as I tried to walk away and you said, “come here”

I knew it was wrong,
the way you made me sit on your lap
as you held me so tight against your body.

I knew it was wrong.
But I was just a kid,
and no one believes the kid.

Before you tell me I was, "asking for it"

Tell the family whose house was robbed that they too were, "asking for it"
Tell the boy in the hospital that the drunk driver, "didn't mean it"
Tell the grandmother whose car was stolen that she is, "overreacting"
Tell the school that the shooter, "wouldn't do that, he's too nice"
Tell the kindergartener who is being bullied to, "get over it"
Tell the survivor of a hate crime they're lucky because, "it could have been worse"

**** is a crime too.
Start treating it like one.

All is well in the light of day
but as she sleeps...

screams of terror
as she relives the force of his naked body against hers

tears of sadness
as she relives the first cut she made to her smooth wrist

cries of help
as she relives the night she held a bottle of pills in her hand

She wakes
and all is well in the light of day