My bones shattered beneath
my skin.
My rib cage could no longer
hold my heart steady.
The blood rushed
through my body.
And I had to force myself
to take a deep breath
one last time.
Theres no way I could
break like this again.
I dropped to my knees
and thought to myself
"I can't possibly
do this anymore."
And I swear that night
I could have drowned myself
in the shower.

I had millions of stars
inside of me when you
first met me.
You managed to put
out every single one by
the time you left.
With your words,
broken promises,
and fists.
But did you think these
galaxies would never re-light
and burn brighter than before
when you left?
You will never fully put
out this flame.

We filled the room with
music that ran through our veins
as we sat on the floor and cried
because of all the people who dug
their claws so far into us
and then ripped them out
so fast
without any warning.
We drank straight from the
bottle of ***** like it was going to
tell us why they left when we got to
the bottom of it.
My best friend ripped all the
pictures she had of him off her
wall and threw them in the garbage.
And i thought to myself
"if only feelings were as easy to
get rid of as ripping pictures
of the people who hurt us off
the walls."
Then i thought to myself how
many times i would have ripped
your picture off the wall
if i had to do it everytime you
hurt me, but also how many times
i would be taping them back up
when you say sorry.

as much as i wanted to be wrong,
i knew i was right.
we are not meant to be.
two people cut from different cloths.
You and I.
two different branches
stemming from two different trees.
we never stood a chance.
this world couldn't handle two
huge weeping willows
put together as one.

did you think you could just take
the most vulnerable parts of me
and then leave without saying a word,
like i wouldn't rage a storm on you?
like it hasn't happened to me before?
did you think you would be so special
that i would let you ruin me?
because you got the one girl that your teammates couldn't stop talking about.
because you used her.
because she told you about the things
that made her bones ache?
and then you left,
without saying one word.
did it make you feel good?
and now you can't even pick up
the phone and answer when she asks
why.
because you are that weak.
honey, let's be real here:
you could never handle this storm
and we both knew that.

I swing my legs over yours, languid sprawl barside stoop
You light Marlboro golds your cousin brought you from North Carolina.
Or were they those ancient Belmonts
Procured from that corduroy jacket you picked up last week?
Or did you roll us two in the palm of your hand
with the kind of ease that makes me wish I was still a stoner?
We wash it down with cheap *****, or whiskey
Or was it the leftover of your mother’s brandy?
If I close my eyes I can still feel the warm in my belly
The burn on my lips, that metal flask taste on my tongue.
We stumble through cobblestoned alleyways.
Did I forget my bike?
Did you?
I want to exist somewhere in that dark before 4AM last call.
I want everything to be as easy as we believed it could be.
I want to remember how to forget like that, again.