I can't get up
The struggle is too real
Should go take a shower
Wash my hair
And it'll be fine.
But the thoughts in my head
Do not agree
Stay here,
inside you're dead.
Stay in the couch
It's safer here.
But I wanna get up
And do something useful
'cause I already am
so cruel to myself.
Haven't showered in days
But why should I care about that
anyways?
Thinking about
Sliding the knife across my skin
Would it then
be better within?
No, yes, I don't know
The thoughts in my head
make me feel like I'll explode
Help me, help me
I want control.
I wanna take a shower
get out of this hole.

I can't do this
Not alone
But waiting for you
to get back
makes me feel bad even more.
I wanna do it for you
So we can go to the store
Go shopping together
I want even more

I want to lay here with you,
actually smelling nice
Because I feel so useless.
Couldn't even do the dishes
Couldn't even clean the house
It's so hard for me
Don't have the energy
But I know that I should
I just have to get up,
but see,
there's that problem again..

I feel night whispering  
My hot bath looses it's heat slowly
My tea waits patiently
I can't sleep
There is nothing more I need, only rest
My spirit won't let me
I hear it's whining
A toddler in full tantrum yelling, "I'm hungry, feed me"
There is no food to satisfy the hunger
It still wants everything  
Taming the feast
A tug of war with my spirit and rationality  
Circumstances are an excuse
I'm to tired to argue
Please god, let me sleep
I will try to have courage in the morning
Tonight let me be

I see the tears well up in the corner of your eyes
I see your soul wants to go
More dedicated but no place to climb

Tell me please
What is the difference between us and them?

Fear

It seems to be king over many

But I would rather be horizontal.
I am not a tree with my root in the soil
******* up minerals and motherly love
So that each March I may gleam into leaf,
Nor am I the beauty of a garden bed
Attracting my share of Ahs and spectacularly painted,
Unknowing I must soon unpetal.
Compared with me, a tree is immortal
And a flower-head not tall, but more startling,
And I want the one's longevity and the other's daring.

Tonight, in the infinitesimal light of the stars,
The trees and flowers have been strewing their cool odors.
I walk among them, but none of them are noticing.
Sometimes I think that when I am sleeping
I must most perfectly resemble them--
Thoughts gone dim.
It is more natural to me, lying down.
Then the sky and I are in open conversation,
And I shall be useful when I lie down finally:
The the trees may touch me for once, and the flowers have time for me.

We yell self righteous notes
When we peek within everyone is dying of sin
Broken is the helping hand
Let's pretend to be complete

A Truth is better
than hundred lies
If one is living like a Dead
**then it's better he dies

Neither standing on any pillar;
Nor fastened with any rope;
But this world is hanging;
On delicate strings of hope.