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3.0k · Sep 2013
S Sep 2013
Treading carefully
Moving with caution and unfamiliarity
Yet moving so in sync
The dance of mistrust.
S May 2014
It always intrigues me how things change
change no matter how big or small is significant
change starts off small and builds itself up till it's unrecognizable
change can make or break anything
sometimes when someone changes it's because of you
you've made them into this monster
how do you turn them back?
1.6k · Apr 2015
S Apr 2015
i write for writings sake
S Apr 2014
i want to achieve something
i want to make something of myself but i don't want that to happen by me cutting myself off from my distractions
i want to achieve with self discipline by my side the entire time
why is self discipline so hard? or should i say why is it so hard for me?
i keep myself awake till the early hours of the morning because i can't sleep with all these regrets of what I've not achieved taunting me
so i'll feel bad about myself every night and promise and tell myself things that i will definitely do to change and achieve but that never puts my mind at ease because i never do it or i never stick to it
i stick to these bad habits like superglue but i can't seem to form the habits that i crave
constantly circulating around my head will be saying's like : 'those who do,get' or 'wake up feeling determined and go to sleep satisfied'
every day i ask myself how do i stick to self discipline
the worst thing is i know that no one else can do things for me and they need to be done so i have to do it aswell as wanting to do it
but why can't i just do it
this sounds very irrational and overly dramatic but it's so frustrating to discipline yourself i can't describe it or put it in to words easily
i guess i'll just have to **** it up and get on with things otherwise i'll never move forwards because backwards is never an option even though that's all i seem to be doing at the moment
everything is like a chore to me these days and writing as an outlet seems to be helping but it's not really so much writing that i'm doing it's more like an impulsive 'splurge' of feelings? emotions? thoughts? i'm not sure
everything just seems to be pouring out of me at a rate that i will never be able to handle and i just want things to change desperately.
everyday to me is a waste currently as that's what i'm doing i'm just wasting my days away
every day is an opportunity that i'm not seizing which makes me want to grab myself by the shoulders and shake me forcing me to give a rational explanation as to why i'm wasting every day away.
hopefully what I've just written has gotten rid of all my frustration and might actually help me overcome this  
i hate blowing things out of proportion and creating problems but this is just a massive part of my life and if i don't take action the regret i will feel will be enough to destroy me
i can't help but feel that everything is slipping out of my control and i'm at fault
i am the main character in my story and i choose what happens.
i felt like a massive weight has been lifted off my shoulders after this
1.4k · Sep 2013
S Sep 2013
Twirl of shyness
Going closer than recoiling back harsher than ever
Leaving the aftermath of a tangled heart
So now you become like this after all that?
We twisted and twirled so perfectly together
Delicate tendrils of belonging entwined around us
You cut the tendrils like you would ****
But weeds grow back again
And grow they did.
1.1k · Apr 2015
S Apr 2015
is it Halloween
she's on your doorstep
on all fours
blood stained lips, cat eyes, *** hair
blood stained teeth
snarl on her face
pout on her lips
is she breathing
this is ******* creepy
i must be tripping hard or she's really *****
994 · Sep 2013
S Sep 2013
Always being backed into a corner by yourself
Always stopping yourself
For what reason?
Am I over thinking?
I see you with others
It makes me feel confined
Confined into accepting the love you give me
For you won't let me fight
So you leave me confined
S Jan 2019
it's's always been you
865 · Apr 2015
S Apr 2015
rub your teeth
rub your gums
make sure no one see's
that you've not been very good lately
it's a secret
766 · Sep 2013
S Sep 2013
Diverse coming together
Falling in to piece
Clashing so wonderfully
Explosions of everything
This is it
725 · Apr 2015
S Apr 2015
Everyday in English class, she'd walk in, sit down and open a book. The Teacher in silent understanding allowed her to.
He handed her the work wordlessly and within a few minutes she returned the fully completed work back to him. These A*'s meant nothing to her.
I sighed in contempt, this enigma of a girl, what was she? I see her around school a lot more, I noticed that she was the most popular girl but one would not associate her with that, for her persona was not that of one. Everyone fought to talk to her but she just looked at them with empty eyes, seen as full, but I saw through her guise. Her eyes....nothing was in them.
She intrigued me, I couldn't help it, and worst of all, now I can't let her go.
Everyday I am a soldier, constantly fighting for eye contact, yet those bottomless pits of icy brown avoided my searching eyes like the plague.

As usual, she walked into class and opened her book, her precious book was coming apart at the seams, almost a few seconds away from crumbling into pieces for she had used the book as a lifeline.
I cautiously made my way over to her desk that was nestled in the back, she stiffened at my looming presence,sigh.
I stared at her, waiting, with the patience of a saint, a devilish saint.
She failed to look up once, 10 minutes had was like she was frozen...had winter come early?
was she even breathing?
you see, I had bought a book for her, but this game was tiring and I couldn't abandon my responsibilities for my new-found muse.
I set the book down on her desk and walked away after what felt like eternity crossed with purgatory.
This book was from my personal library at home, I secretly hoped in mock amusement that we shared the same taste in literature although I had an inkling that my assumption would naturally be correct.

From the corner of my eye I gleaned that she was taken aback and that her curiosity was about to override her passive responses. I watched her pick up the book like a predator sets his gaze upon his prey.
My heart felt like it was beating at the speed of light when her elegant fingers caressed the spine and brushed the pages that moaned at her touch.
My breath hitched as her lips parted in thought, ****, she looked up.
God, the realization hit me that she was my own book that I read every English lesson.

The years went by, two years and four days, to be exact, since I first gave her my book. Nothing changed, every week she'd return my book to me after she'd read it, expression, unchanged.
It has been 740 days, 17,760 hours, 1,065,600 minutes since the day she became my muse, and not once did she ever escape my mind.

She started coming into class with punctuality out of sight and much to my  shock, empty handed. Her book was not in sight, my mind was reeling. To compensate she completed her work then stared, enthralled at her desk for the duration of the lesson.
Reminiscent of the first time that I approached her, I took the plunge again, opened my mouth and firmly asked "is everything okay?"
I hoped that the deep baritones of my voice would not get her shook but little did I know how familiar they were to  her, instead she shut her eyes and inhaled deeply. I sighed, walking away, I felt nothing, this was completely expected. crazy.
**** it, I craved to hear her voice, directed at me and me only, something a little less casual then yes or no or even answering for the register.

I knew the that the next time she was to walk in, something will have changed within her.
Correct, I win, hah.
but it wasn't so funny when I noticed the red around her eyes or the lilac blush of feint bruising underneath her eyes or that she kept sniffing or that she couldn't sit still or that she grinded her teeth.
Welcome to coke 101.

That ******* phone of hers that she was glued to all of a sudden just made the anger within me rise further up.
Who was getting her this excited, she was jittery and oddly enough her face looked brighter and less torn...did she almost look happy?

All my questions were answered when class ended and I walked behind her glancing at the screen of her phone to discover that a girl who was my property was engaged in a conversation with a 'J <3'
I saw red, I don't share my property unless I condone it
who was this devil who changed my little mystery?

scanning...scanning...scanning...who was she running to...ah
a group that resembled something fresh off the saint Laurent runway
and within that group, with his tight grip on her shoulder, I assumed was J.
They all wore ripped jeans, shirts that appeared as a second skin and overly large jackets...typical
but they seemed to be teetering on the edge of life, like they lived for adrenaline rushes to make them feel whole. perhaps they'd lost their way and found it again in an instant.
she fit in well and I cherished the smile on her face.

Months went on, the same thing happened every lesson, she'd stumble in after doing a few lines, struggle to breathe or even stay awake. this was all just a waiting game for her.
the day she walked in, stained with blood was the day my being snapped in two. The whole class sat shell shocked as they looked upon a fallen angel adorned with crimson.

2 weeks passed without her, left on edge until my craving to see her was satiated.
Monday came and she walked in, holding a note that she dropped upon my desk.
She stood waiting for me to read it, i did, but in a state of elated confusion.
scrawled in her elegant yet spidery identity "I miss you and I miss your books, I miss the way you gave them to me and I missed the anticipation that came alongside it"

Exterior I was authoritative and powerful, interior i was a ******* mess. I silently handed her a novel with an oxblood colored cover. I looked up and for a split second I could swear that our eyes met.

A week later on Friday, she came to me, with the book in her hands and set it aside.
She looked up at me, directly at me, biting her lip
this devil was not innocent or so God help me.

She guided my hands to rest on her unnaturally thin waist  and just stared at me. Engaged in an internal battle, I could see, she was choosing what to say
but she just whispered my name and left.
I overdosed on the way she said my name, left in euphoria over what could have been.
I grabbed the book in an attempt to make sense of all that has occurred and saw that in the front cover where I had written my name, her name had been placed next to mine.
Just a waiting game...a really ******* long waiting game.
S Apr 2015
The Master said, “ He who rules by moral force is like the pole star, which remains in its place while all the lesser stars do homage to it.”
699 · Jun 2014
S Jun 2014
it's just something. something about old pictures, something about the way the streets look different and the way those wrinkles on your face now aren't alive yet just waiting to be born,
the way the hues of the image before me are washed out but still shine with the memories you infused into every droplet of ink printed onto the page.
mother and daughter crouched onto the broken cobbled stones.
frilly summer dresses and messy hair for you and for your mother, timeless elegance.
the narrowed streets swallowing you, bring you closer, but closer to what?
the  faded corner shop with the grumbling old man resided in the small city streets.
take a look around, do you remember? tell me about why you took this? when you took this? how did it feel taking this? what had happened before you took this picture?
the small limbed entity crouched cheekily next to her mother, oh i look at you and wonder just how fast time goes.
the time ticks on and so does my heart, that's a second gone, now a minute, suddenly an hour. wait how did 14 years go by.

they trigger something inside of me
not finished and a spontaneous error filled piece, forgive my sins
S Jul 2015
i feel alone. truly alone, even though i know i'm not, i mean before i used to be enough for myself but these days i'm isolated from myself. numb, disjointed , just not all here. i can party as much as i want, intoxicate myself until my eyes don't open ever again, i can submerge myself into massive crowds of people just to feel like i'm around SOMEBODY, i can ******* appreciate nature and walk for hours on end, **** it let me find a new hobby
all this **** is repetitive
trying to entertain ourselves just to feel content, it;s kinda like we're reliant on life. **** it man at times i don't give a ****, **** life i don't wanna live it
. i'm not talking about suicide here because i don't believe in that ****, i don't believe death is an escape no matter how much it calls your name , anyways, i'm talking about life ******* itself
i don't care much for these activities
that we created just so we don't go ******* crazy
but then again i want to be a slave to this so called life
go be a model
go make some clothes
maybe fight a couple cases in court
appreciate friends
love my family

how do you survive when two extremes exist within you
do you shoot someone one day then become a priest
do you stop talking then launch into a ******* lecture
when you want to stop but you want to run
what do you do?
i could do both
but then time would come and **** me over
**** it i'll keep all this in a special place within my mind
and use it drive what I've selected to waste my time doing in this world
i'll bend everything to my ******* will
just watch
661 · Jun 2014
love you not the internet
S Jun 2014
We really are a superficial generation, we rely on the amount of Facebook likes on our profile pictures as a determiner of how popular or pretty we are.
Today I got asked 'How many likes did you get on your profile picture?' Does it matter? My beauty is NOT and never will be indicated by the amount of likes I get. Even if I upload a picture of myself on Facebook and no one 'likes' it, what does that mean? that i'm ugly? that no one likes me?
S May 2017
I'm trying not to focus on this feeling but my mind can't resist temptation
I keep coming back
601 · Jan 2019
why can't i quit?
S Jan 2019
is this why i can't find happiness in someone else?
are you the reason why i'm so deprived?

has my heart belonged to you this whole time?
i just...I don't know

you make me feel so strongly that i can't even tell what emotion i'm feeling

every part of me is telling me to ignore you

but i don't want
I really don't want to
571 · Apr 2014
S Apr 2014
are we all but one
559 · May 2015
S May 2015
scarily too good to be true
i see through it
it feels good
to see it
to read it
S Apr 2014
Erik Satie - Gymnopédie No.1
547 · May 2015
S May 2015
silver is just a darker shade of white
528 · Apr 2015
S Apr 2015
what's in a name
the ones who just convince themselves to watch days pass by
i guess it's just a waiting game
passive or active
life goes on
524 · Sep 2015
S Sep 2015
i have him
but i want you
you have me
and you want me
S Aug 2018
but i'd miss you
and as cliche as it sounds
i'd cross those oceans even if it meant i dissolved in them somewhere along the way
and thats the sad reality of life
500 · Mar 2015
All she really wants
S Mar 2015
what do we all really want? do we know? is it the unknown? is it familiar to strangers or loved ones and just unbeknownst to us?
an odd thought...well not really but you know
I hold myself in my own self proclaimed aura of power by holding my secrets close to my heart and letting others know, that i know, just exactly what i want. I mean i'm sure that's what we associate with power, right? who wants or even needs someone who has no singular recollection of controlling what the mind sporadically desires. I know what i want but that cancels itself out and leaves me thinking in a disjointed manner, just what do i want? and stemming off that, why? and stemming off that how? and stemming off that, does this ever stop?
careful calculation, artistic determination, a 'so called' higher thought process, and lastly, an urge or a will. the ingredients to creation,success and maybe self fulfillment are so substandard, the faux, as I once lovingly called it. The faux, a careful concealment and fluorescent indicator to all around us. It's absolute ******* but so much fun
488 · Oct 2013
S Oct 2013
As fast as it left
it came back
here i am
sitting in the dark
feeling like a warped jigsaw piece
never seeing
please lull me to infinite sleep
with your raspy death filled voice
485 · Feb 2014
S Feb 2014
My suit is ripped
deep slashes across my ribs
I'm bleeding in to you
don't patch up the wound
480 · Jul 2023
When you know, you know
S Jul 2023
As the night closes in I think about how  loneliness is not about the absence of people in our lives, rather it is the people around us and our lack of interest in them that makes us feel lonely
479 · Mar 2021
S Mar 2021
\ i could really use a friend
just this once
478 · Jun 2015
S Jun 2015
nearly 3am
i'm inside
but i was just outside
for so long
i'm excited
jumping internally
immersed in clarity
breathing so loud
its sounds like a silent scream
my eyes are wide
i see my own eyes
stare into them baby
they're shutting
act fast
476 · Jan 2019
Never mind
S Jan 2019
I've found so much peace in silence
but inside it tears me apart
I have a voice
I want to use it
but my words stutter and fail
474 · Nov 2015
S Nov 2015
Come to me, my dear child
You haven't got long left with me, dear child
I'm leaving home in 10 minutes
But life is not my home
Until we meet again, my dear child
463 · Apr 2014
S Apr 2014
drag your teeth across my lips and bite me
454 · Sep 2013
S Sep 2013
When I rub my eyes with a multitude of feelings
I grit my teeth
     As my mind grows fuller and blanker by the second
Everything pours out
     But nothing is felt or heard...or seen
It's there.....It's always there.
S Jul 2015
my voice is the soundtrack to my life
433 · Sep 2013
S Sep 2013
Floating numbness
Whispers and rich baritones of your voice that I so rarely hear
Floating pain
Shrieks and screams of your voice that I so rarely forget
Sinking thoughts
Pleas for help and final breaths that encompass me
430 · Jul 2023
S Jul 2023
Life has a light that never fades but we just keep closing our eyes for too long
428 · Apr 2014
S Apr 2014
I've always wondered about the scenarios the play out in my head without fail several times a day, mostly at night
it's what we want? right?
so why don't we go ahead and make that 'scenario' a reality
we always want to get what we want
so why do we hesitate now?
428 · Mar 2021
S Mar 2021
The most beautiful moment in life
424 · Aug 2015
feeling of impotence
S Aug 2015
look back at the scattered virtual ink that was pre-determined to be a mastery of the intricate structure you saw with him
420 · Jul 2015
S Jul 2015
I am in mourning
because you have not died
411 · Oct 2021
Lone wolf / no club
S Oct 2021
Am I alone or just lonely?
411 · Nov 2013
S Nov 2013
Poetic heartthrobs
      steal your soul
with line      
402 · Jul 2015
fire weed
S Jul 2015
I've disappeared from your list
and I live in hope,
that maybe,
I won't be missed
402 · Sep 2013
S Sep 2013
Is it wrong to give up
Why do you crush me
Everything's just why you ,leave everything a frustrating mystery
Do you even care about the aftermath?
I look at you almost everyday with a heavy heart
Wishing just wishing things turned out differently
Understand, please
401 · Feb 2022
I’m sorry
S Feb 2022
I just feel really sorry
S Apr 2015
I was a little girl, once, blissfully unaware
Hanging on to my fathers leg, wearing a tiara just knowing that life could only be viewed with a rosy hue. And that belief I had as a child has stuck with me to this day but it developed with me as i grew. The pink hue met more people, saw more, felt less and got distorted but still recognisable.
I learnt that happiness could not exist without an opposition and the opposition is the most beautiful thing in existence because it Spurs you on to expand the stretch of your own rosy hue. I'm happy with inconsistent contentment because it represents balance, a fair balance that is neither here nor there, only where it can be when it needs to be and it must be followed through
376 · Oct 2013
S Oct 2013
whispers and silhouettes ddance out me
i cvan barely type
shivers over come me
i cant do this
any     m
376 · Feb 2014
S Feb 2014
The power of youth
Radiated from the eyes of young James
Dressed in his finest suit
Looking sharper than the edge of his knife that he stole
He ventured out into the young night to find the many others that could be mistaken as his twin, all unique copies of each other.
Soon enough he was drunk
Drunk to the point of no return
Drunk to the point that he couldn't help but feel
He, the ringleader lead on his army of youths
Running, Running to anywhere
Anywhere is better than being with the coppers
They loved to wind the coppers up without a care
All fun was over when they were caught
But the power of youth never fails to kick in
Cheered on by his friends,  young James is spurred on to wind up the grumpy copper that roughly held his shoulder
The copper looked at the boy with pity in his eyes and asked
"Have you been drinking son?, you don't look old enough to me"
"I'm sorry officer is there a certain age you're s'posed to be?, no one told me"
The coppers eyes become littered with mirth at the response he wished he could keep hearing
Only one thought appeared in the mind of the copper, The power of youth.
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