Precise, Haha I finally decided to message you back After a couple bottles of wine Ironic A demon helped me face my demons It was sorta like the old days But yeah, after a couple minutes I was back with a cig in my mouth Visualising myself taking a stroll down the busy city street With some kind of ****** Bridget Jones soundtrack type song faintly present in the background I'd rather be alone than face you everyday I'd rather you were just a figment of my imagination Just so I could control you a little more Just so I could fight you a little more Instead of succumbing to the same thing everytime **** It takes a lot to get to me like this So I just think for a long while About What kind of creature you are Because no human has ever ruled over me
Loneliness is not about the absence of people in our lives. It is actually the people surrounding us and our lack of interest in them that makes us lonely
short, sweet, the girl you probably want to meet she, keeps, it, real, in the sheets, sometimes tall, sharp, the girl you won't meet because she won't give you the time of day she, oh she really keeps it real, you see, she, is not real, but she feels real
can you compare yourself to a train cause when you think about it life runs like a train we run like trains someone usually controls us watches us we have a set path that we choose or is chosen for us we can take lives and our paths can be altered sometimes we can go wrong or be delayed sometimes we forge friendships and sometimes we help with escapes occasionally we carry out crimes unknowingly but most of all we keep moving maybe we stop for a while but we always keep moving
my tongue my tongue melt on my tongue melting on my tongue dissolving on my tongue disappearing on my tongue you disappear on my tongue i disappear when i feel your tongue on m... i feel you in my bloodstream i feel you in my gasp when you hit me when you enter me when you take control i feel you around me why are you around me like a thin mist you're not here **** who is around me
10:18 scrolls through phone 10:21 sighs 10:22 forcefully unbuttons jeans angrily pulls them off winces in pain 10:25 grabs laptop in determination 10:29 my mind is drifting....i think of you, i see you around me, i touch you, i breathe your name, i'm surrounded by a manifestation of you i can't take you i want you away from me i can't take you i want you near me 10:48 time sure fly's when you come across my mind in my mind you are my mind 10:49 foc...us us focusing on us 10:51 i played with caution but you and time teamed up together and aimed to tease me, to torture me, to bring me pleasure where i see distress a sick sense of satisfaction flows unto my vice it's a two way street or maybe a 6 way street maybe a city with all these vices collectively linked i detach reminiscent of us focus fo...*** **** us 11:10 **** us 11:15 **** us again 11:30 **** me 11:31 i wonder what he wants from me? i wonder what he feels for me what he see's in me what he really thinks of me does he see inside me or does he just want to be inside me whatever 11:40 hah..the feelings faded back to you being nothing until the next time 11:41 i think of you and smile, gently,appreciating in mock admiration
impatience screams in my ear so loud my eyes plead with impatience to have mercy impatience is a beast, arrogant and fearless impatience always triumphs now it's time to tame the beast into submission
actually bringing in a sudden twist of thought when you don't look at things fully then they brighten your mood but when you see everything bared well that's a different story in itself
Hospitals scare me aside from having watched somebody pass away they scare me
embedded in my chest is the weight of seeing extreme happiness to complete isolation why should both events co-exist with each other which one does my heart warm up to more? a small child who has a better chance at life or an abandoned soul who is believed to have overstayed his welcome in this ******* planet
does this bring us on to the topic of privilege or ignorance
Die Straßen zu seinem Herzen führen, sind mit Gold gepflastert , aber wenn man in der es fertig zu bekommen, alles, was Sie sehen, ist kalt und hart Stein, und nicht die kostbare Art .
Seien Sie vorsichtig, mein kleines süßes Mädchen , wir gehen Sie zu verletzen
on my route to success somewhere along the line i changed and i began to find myself i never realized how or why ? ---- i learnt that success will show you all the faces you have and it'll break every single one of them until you don't have one so when you find yourself cherish it because as fast as it appears it disappears i mean you would have never thought it'd be this way but it is
sought after because she's a bad little girl because she has perfect brunette hair that you want to wrap around your wrist because she likes it when you call her a coke ***** she hates it when you abandon her so just glance at her play it safe stare when you can interact when you can she's wearing that hella **** outfit she's laying on carpet her eyes are turning you on....**** that direct stare don't look at me like that she gets going after 4 she makes you wait so if you got it, give to her give it to me
in the depths of my mind you do not exist at the forefront of my mind you exist...occasionally in my subconscious I feel your presence and when I am unconscious, we are one
Just remember that when all goes right in your life and a fire has ignited, sure for a while the warmth is roaring and energetic but it'll consume you, burn you and those around you . Then you'll go to sleep wake up to another day you notice it's a little colder and that you're outside because the fire burnt your house down and then you notice you feel a little emptier
yep, just gotta wait it out till the next ignition
what do you do when you begin to dream of somebody not just anybody...him more than once not just a spontaneous occurrence anymore but now a regular visitor in the chamber that is my mind
everything i desire is so shockingly clear and electric so much so that when i wake up my body is lifeless and drained i used up my body's reserves to ******* dream about you and whether it was voluntary or involuntary i'm not sure and really i'm not sure whether i want to be sure
i can't bear to have you with me in the flesh but i can cope with you flowing through me
i crave that skin on skin contact with you but i'm afraid baby boy that it won't feel as real as it did in my mind
i could go on forever about absolutely nothing because that's what you are
ugh social networks, i'm on nearly all of them i like them and heavily dislike them they annoy me because they change people they change me at times they're pointless we spend so much time being our internet selves that we side line what is real when what's real matters so much more we're destroying ourselves with something virtual that we have control over i hate that i'm aware of my control yet i'm still ****** in to this virtual void
Language is unrealistically beautiful, Its captivating, the way only certain things can be expressed in one language and not the other This means of communication, so much so like the concrete slab that you place over the gap to save yourself, revives the most insane parts of your mind. You begin to access your own psyche in such a way that is uncomprehendable because your perspective is so widely spread that the possibilities for anything is infinitely limitless. Language, communication, creation and our thoughts are the first and foremost foundations of our outlets, which without, we would cease to exist
i could compare us to two glasses smashing against each other, i mean before we collided we were just beside each other but it happened and **** it caused the loudest noise **** it cut through the air like a ******* **** there was glass everywhere we were beautiful pure, but tainted clear you were almost a like a heuristic to my desires ---------- i think maybe someone swept us i mean, the glass up and discarded it i mean, us but oddly enough we were thrown away, yet a few pieces of you remained with me but i'm not sure if you have any pieces of me or if you even care to you might do but that's just a waiting game for me right? you're still somewhere, with me, in me glass cuts like a ******* so i'm gonna **** it up and drink this ******* blood
you know, this is something that has really...let's say 'dawned' on me. It may seem obvious but it's something that is practiced with such fluency. The facades we all project, such ease and such guilt-free fun. It's like a sweet lie that you can run alongside in sunny fields with. it's satisfying,highly. we put on these facades so easily and all it takes is small but effective 'entrances' into your so called life. a little glimpse here and there never did anyone any harm, i mean it's not like it's real. it's trickery, carried out by the every-man. i'm not who you think i am and you're not who i think you are. we are not multifaceted, we are plain, stripped and devoid of this
I drifted as you once did that night When you felt nothing but you felt everything I sat there in mute understanding. Now you're not here I guess I should drift? Who's going to save me? I drifted, I was so close to the edge. Your truck barely staying on land, tipping away every so often. The tipping increased My eyes shot open, suddenly drifting wasn't so good or was it. I was in your place. Did you stop me that night? Did you watch me in mute panic and understanding? Did you achieve your goal of turning me into you?
I can feel his teeth on the inside of my wrist, I can hear his voice in my ear, I can feel his magic keeping me alive, I can feel myself slipping away into realms unknown
The heart speaks volumes But no one hears its barely audible whispers The heart grows frustrated It isn't just a vessel that feels
It's neglected It's lonely And it deserves love
It's used to find love But it's tired of not being loved
So it shouts and screams And pounds the walls of your body that trap it Because it is tortured
And it will always be unhappy Because we are Selfish We forget that it lives We forget that it feels We abuse it and blame it We threaten to rip it out of its home While it's still beating and begging for mercy
But we do it anyways We ****** our hearts in cold blood
and your heart in its last dying breath whispers to you "Never forget the first time that we met" and despite the fondest memories that you see in that moment You **** it And you spend the rest of your life as an empty shell But one lone thought circles around your retched mind
i know why sin feels good we all do why wouldn't something bad feel good it's just how life goes but it gets repetitive and addictive maybe not so nice after all you almost try to break through the surface but get bored when you break through so you just immerse yourself deeper because contentment is boring
He's the type of boy you see in the hallways with a cigarette dangling from his lips though smoking isn't allowed on school property. If you look over his shoulder and see his sloppy handwriting making up notes for English class the only words repeated would be something along the lines of the afterlife. I promise that if you look at his veins and if you bother to realize that they climb his hands like trees you'd notice that all the deoxygenated blood has yet to care. If you walk past him in the hallway and you see him leaning against a wall say 'hi', not because he's broken and he needs your fixing but because it might be fascinating to know someone as twisted as you so why walk by the boy that smells of death and cigarettes and not attempt to be friends with him when you know his mind is just another dark variation of the rabbit hole. You see, you could fall in love with him, but really, would it be any different from falling in love with yourself?
You sit in math writing dark poems, attempting to make something physical out of the acting in your heart but does it even matter. He's doing the same thing in science class except maybe his are a little more twisted than yours and maybe that's what makes you jealous perhaps he's dipped his fingers into the bowl of life and you've dipped yours into the fountain of death but morbidity seems to ache for him in a way that will never yearn for you and maybe it's silly to romanticize these thoughts but darling, I can't seem to picture blood running down a knife and not bring a sort of sweet satisfaction from it and maybe I'm twisted perhaps my mind is not a place for the faint hearted but my love, who ever said I was strong
trying to stay optimistic is hard why can't i just let my anxiety eat me alive? - but i fight it because i can't let myself take the easy way out God it's so hard -
I'm so excited though for change not just any change...the change i've been thirsting after for years but i let self doubt ruin it - i get confused am i confident or not? - regardless of my confidence I suppose the show has to go on i'm sure i'll find myself again soon
We'll dance like they did in old London Curled hair and elegant dresses you'll take my arm, twirl me around, then we'll stumble outside remove your suit jacket and set it aside you'll show me a world of rough hair and adventures. You rip off your suit and don a large jacket, you take my arm and twirl me around,whispering in my ear, "there's so much to see..just you and me, come with me I'll take the lead" and off he goes leading me into a love hate life. He twirled me around and the world and now I can't breathe.He's gone. Oh what a life he showed me.
distractions imagine going through a day with no distractions or you distracting yourself i don't think it's possible no level of determination can break the foundations of distraction i'm caught up in a vast cloud of nothing i can't seem to make sense of my thoughts pathetic how i control my mind but instead i let it control me i am the main character in my story no this is not me being depressed or sad or anything like that since i don't believe in any of that i'm just confused as to why i succumb to distraction when power is a second nature to me i let it derail and sidetrack me all i crave right now is to take control of my life