I have spent far too long scavenging for the little quirks of myself that he could learn to love
Suddenly, I'm 19, begging my mother to tell me how special I am
I beg her to tell me I'm beautiful, but hearing her say it reminds me of him, before he left
I pleaded her to get him to come back, to come home
After all, parents can do anything, right?
But she didn't get him to come back, she didn't even try
She assured me he was undeserving of my heart,
but that went in one ear and out the other
I remember collapsing to the ground
and banging my fists upon the floor
All while screaming out, hating the universe for allowing our souls to depart ways
Then, I buried all the love in me
I pronounced it dead, lifeless, gone
I put my love on a shelf

light your cigarette again
i'll try to breathe toxic air like im the one addicted.
i found myself in the flicker of your lighter,
only warm when your fingers were on me
i used to be forest fires
volcanoes
heat waves
now i am the dying ember in your ash bowl.
forgive me for wanting to feel your lips against my skin
ice melts in the presence of heat,
and you could never be less then me.
cigarette breaks are temporary
but the black in your lung is permanent.
you lit me with the intentions of putting me out
but I promise my flame will kindle every time you try to exhale me out

the rain began and she fell in love with it
it came in waves like the ocean
sounding loud on the tin roof above her head
it calmed her shaking nerves
the thought of its cool fingerprints on her skin 
diminished the pain in her head
the burning sensation was swiftly put out