Can’t you see it’s me not everything that’s in our way
Can’t you see it’s me not everything in our way

You can build yourself an empire then watch it all fall apart
That’s basically what I do
With everything because I’m so inconsistent can’t finish anything through
Because I always feel so incompetent

Can’t you see it’s me not everything in our way
Explosive anger, stuttered words, attacking anxiety
That’s what I have to show for all my years of existence
Yeah and also a collection of broken hearts, college, a series of indifferent jobs, and books filled with sappy love and sad poems
Can’t you see it’s me not everything in our way

They say it’s always calm before the storm
Well that’s what it’s like when you first meet me
I’m smooth, calm, and cool
Then time goes by and I turn into a hurricane
My personality pours onto you like lightning, wind, and rain
The anger, insults, and mood swings hits you all at once
And like the speed of lightning you don’t know what hit you

So I’ll take my collection of broken hearts and whatever knowledge I got out of college, and my experiences of indifferent jobs, and books filled with sappy love and sad poems
And I’ll just go
No
Don’t try to stop me
Because if this were to work it would have been worked
And we’re standing still, we’re not going anywhere
Because it would be hard to move on with us still here…together
And I know it’s hard and it hurts, but our love wasn’t meant to last forever
I’m not being rude, mean, or insensitive
This misery and torment we put ourselves through when we’re together isn’t what is should be like to live
Can’t you see it’s not everything that’s in our way
Can’t you see it’s me not everything in our way

I thought it was the bipolar side of me
But it's the borderline personality in me
That makes me so ****** up
And that's why all my relationships have ******
Because I'm no good at making friends or keeping them

You might as well through my number away
You promised you always be there for me
But I just can't stay
Here in this place anymore
Everything just seems like such a bore
And you, you like to call me a drama *****
But I guess I do everything on my time
And that's fine
If you wanna yell at me and tell me that I'm ****** up
But what's ****** up
Is you
You never know what to do
When I'm down and blue
So I curse and yell at you
But I really don't mean to
It's just a test to see if you'll always be there

Because I'm no good at making friends or keeping them
I guess it's the beginning overidealizing's with the bitter ends
I'm no good at making friends or keeping them
It must be the I love you's followed with ******* I never wanna see you again

And I'm this distinct person living with borderline personality
Along with social anxiety
Who's not on meds or in any kind of therapy
All though some people think that I should be
And how could this be
That me
A person with such anxieties has a job dealing with people, having to talk, associate, mingle, and pretend to be happy
You know, not let any of that depression show
So no one would dare know
Because depression is a sign of weakness
And quietness is a sign of weirdness
And shyness is cute, well if you're a guy
And makes a person nonexistent if you're a tomboy, girl like I
So I guess I gotta talk to make friends
But where would I begin
Because I have nothing in common with a lot of people I come across
So I'll just be stuck here looking so sad, lonely, and loss
Because I'm no good at making friends or keeping them

Are you bi
I can't decide
The way you look at and flirt with guys
It seems to be so natural
Not naturalize

Straight
You know I was fine, doing great
When I thought that was what you were
But even though it seem to occur
That way
You were in fact so gay
Lesbian
Is what you came out as
And a lipstick one might I add
Bi
Could that possibly what you might be considering your femininity
And your way with guys

Are you bi
Can you decide
Just because you're in a lesbian relationship doesn't mean you still can't like guys
Are you bi
I can't decide
The way you look at and flirt with guys
It seems so natural
Not naturalize

Dear Mom,

I want to thank you for being by my side
Always being there for me, even when you caught me in a lie
There is so many ways I want to thank and tell you how much I love you
But understand it’s hard for me to
I know lately I haven’t been the daughter you could ever dream of
The one hanging out late nights, doing drugs
Being miss attitude
Disrespecting you, being rude
Getting all these tattoos and piercings but I don’t do it to disrespect you and make you angry
I do it because this is the way I express myself, what I want people to see
Yeah and also liking chicks but it wasn’t a choice I want you to understand that
That’s why I liked being around the group I hung out with, because I could be myself, and that’s a fact
I want to let you know all the craziness that happened that year was me being scared to grow up, graduate
To go out into the real world and escalate
I know I hurt the family and was being selfish
But if I had a wish
I would take most of it back
But some of it I’ve learned from it
Grown from it
But I’m happy this we got through
And this poem is for you
To show and tell you how much I love you

This is from your sincere daughter
Who appreciates everything you’ve done and bought her

She so perfect
And I’m not even perfect at all
She so perfect
And she doesn’t even mind my many flaws

I feel my shyness and quietness makes me an outcast everywhere I go
But when she’s around none of that seems to matter though

Your perfection is flawed
Just a misrepresentation of you, that’s all
You let me in, let me in
Just to shut me out, shut me out

I’m still sad from the days that you went away

I’m over you but I still have some feelings lingering on for you, it’s mostly amorous which every time I see you it seems to be getting stronger
And I know whatever you felt for me is no longer
Your hugs are short and you don’t even have that look in your eyes for me anymore which causes me to act petulant whenever you say something to me
You don’t even talk to me about HIM anymore
But I think you know it’s best not to
You found love
And I found heartache
You found happiness
And I found sadness
I knew in my heart we were never meant to be
I even knew more so that day I kissed your lips and felt nothing
I always thought we would have a deep something
I mean we had partially, but all is left now is a deep nothing
But I’m still sad from the day he stole you away

It’s been a while since you were you
Now you’re like this happy in love chick that always talks of him and buys him ****
It’s not like I ever wanted or expected ****
But it would have been nice, thoughtful of you for all the **** I ******* bought, wrote, and said to you for you to get me or write me something as a little, maybe just a little appreciation, gratitude
But nothing, nothing, all I get is nothing
So *******, all I give you now is an attitude
I guess I wasn’t nothing, nothing, not even a real friend to you
I was just some quirky queer chick who admired you and you loved that because you loved that I loved you and gave you excessive attention
****, now I see what you are, pretentious
But now I regret every stupid poem or gift I ever gave to you
So throw it, throw it all away
And leave no trace that I was a monomaniac for you
You
What makes you so special, the one I was so obsequious for
Do you remember that poem I wrote you and I said somewhere in it that my heart was indebted to you
Well it was just flummery *******
Throw it away, throw it all away
And leave no trace of my vulnerability
**** me for making myself so vulnerable to you
So no longer will I
But I really am happy for you
And sorry about the attitude
And I will no longer act like a bitter heartbroken *****
I am over it, so through
Because I still love you

When all else is lost
What is the meaning
What is the cause
Keep writing to relieve
Needing something to retrieve
Never giving up, still holding up, to believe
And achieve the ultimate in me

Oh beautiful eyes
You’re the reason to which sometimes I cry at night
Because sometimes I wake up with such vivid dreams of you and all I want to do is hold you tight

These thoughts don’t come easy
These moods don’t come steady
Feelings at unease
Even this cool humid breeze
Won’t bring my soul back to peace

Lacking the skills of conversation
Causing me so much frustration
There is no sensation

You let me in, let me in
Just to shut me out, shut me out
*******
I’m through
I miss you
You know the old you
The non-fat, skinny fitting into your jeans you
The angry sad but sweet you
The you that texted or called me every once in a blue moon you
The you that every once in a while confided in me and let me hold you when you were upset you
The you that used to talk to me, now all I get is the unspoken awkwardness you
I miss you
The before him you

Staring into your glamorous amorous light eyes
You got me all goggle-eyed and tongue tied
Is it a no surprise    
That you give me butterflies
Making me feel all warm and fuzzy on the inside
I am an irascible monomaniac thanks to beautiful eyes

Three words uttered
Soft yet bellow
I relinquish into your radiant smile and eye shine
You shout out so I follow you now
My love can’t suffice when I’m so cold and down

For the torture you put me through
What my heart had to go through just being around you
You get an eternity of my everlasting tortured soul

I remember back when I first met you and around the time I was really getting to know you
I thought then, these feelings are just gonna get stronger
Well and they did
And I warned you that you shouldn’t tease a leech like me unless you want me always hanging on
I’ve been waiting here what seems like forever, holding on for a “bi” potential breakthrough
But you held your ground, until this very day straight is what you still proclaim is true
But when I’m gone will you hold on and remember me through all the gifts, poems, and dedicated love songs
The anxiety you intensified,  I claim temporary insanity
Now I’m capable of doing anything
So now I’m coming back undead
Avenging my wounded soul
Taking back the disenchanted life I lead
Taking back the heart you stole

Are connection got a little deeper and I became opened but still we never got that far
Leaving me with apprehensive yet lecherous thoughts all through the nights
But this time around I won’t let the temporary insanity thing **** me now
I gotta find a way to desensitize somehow
Because I’m still feeling like how I felt when I was alive
And I know you and I would never be
So just my lonely, wounded, undead soul remains

And you said the most beautiful thing to me and it eased my pain, semi-healed my wounds
Sometimes it’s just the things you say to me, it was like you saw me, saw through to me
And I’m a sucker for you
And it’s okay that you’re mean to me
And it’s okay that you take advantage of my generosity
And it’s okay that you ignore me some days just as long as you see me when you’re finished going through whatever it was you were going through
And how this passion and love is my everlasting suicide
Because I needed to coincide with my desire to end my emotional pain that seemed to never end
And it wasn’t like some stunt for attention
Just an expression of extreme distress that needed to be addressed
But now coinciding and annihilating an undead soul might be so hard to do
Or maybe not because it’s no fun having these feelings for you
The anger and jealousy
It’s running through all over inside of me
Because I’m just so ******* empty
Sometimes in things I could just lose myself
Even lose myself deep within you
Especially when were connected, you're focused, aware, and for me so there
But just like that, you’re gone
And I have to move on
But not without the intensified anxiety and temporary insanity

I will avenge my soul with every ******* breath and word, a painful story will be told
I’m coming back undead
Avenging my wounded soul
Taking back the disenchanted life I lead
Taking back the heart you stole
This ditch you put me in
I don’t think was deep enough
Well I’m coming out right now
You’re running out of love for me
When I go I just hope you will remember me
Because living was the hardest part
But in the end our deep connection and everything else just falls apart
Oh, I just wanted to be with you
The ******* torture I put myself through
But when I go I just hope you will remember me
Because living was so hard to do
But even when I’m not here my soul would be there to be your savior
Because within our shortcoming my pilfered heart was indebted to you and so pure
When I go will you forget to remember me
I lost my fear of negligence which had caused me great sadness, loneliness, and tenseness
Because it’s so rare unconditional acceptance
And when more distressed I’m empty and depersonalized
Now suddenly realized, I just need to desensitize
Because no one ever sees the soul inside, always worried about the ******* outside
People could be so ******* materialized
But for our shortcoming, you saw through
So for that just know that no matter what, my soul will be with you
Will be with you

Torn
Oh, torn
Me, I, who would of thought
Thought I’d be torn between two chicks
The one Dani I did love and the other Lynn I’m so passionate about
Dani cares so much about me and is having a hard time just being friends
And Lynn, well she was there for me in a time of need but now I’m not of that need she doesn’t want nothing to do with me
I say torn
Because they both torn me apart
Dani can’t get over what we had and the more she dwells on it, it just tears me up inside seeing how she hurts
Lynn, well I tell her how I feel and try to keep in contact with her but it seems like nothing works for me to get close to her and that just tears me up inside
But if I could see her face to face again
I would be the happiest chick alive

This is what would happen…
And I look in her eyes and sing to her what she would want to say to me
“Don’t try to make you win me
Because I know you hate your life
And you and your stupid lies”

This is what I don’t get about these chicks
Because right after I tell her that I need her and that she inspires me
She pushes me off to some other chick
I’m sorry but I’m not a mushy mushy type of person
So for me to open up to you, spill my guts out, tell you how I feel
It’s something that will take you by surprise
Something rare and unappreciated

Oh man it’s just so hard to be friends after a relationship gone bad
Why can’t we just be friends without all the bickering and arguing
Without the hatred and jealousy
And the competition
Oh the competition
To see who can ******* who first
Or who will hook up with someone first
All you gotta do is mention some other chick
And the other is bound to get jealous and mad then start to act outrageous
It’s hilarious
It’s like a friendship on the rocks
But hey I didn’t order that

And I need a prescription of some kind because these chicks are driving me crazy
How can a chick look you in your eyes like that and tell you opposite of what she is feeling
And how I can look a chick in her eyes and not say anything
And she can fall in love with me
I don’t get it
Where do I fit in
I guess between these chicks
Because I’m either feeling and telling her how I’m feeling and she’s not feeling me
Or she’s feeling me but I’m not feeling her in that way

And I think to myself…
Shy and refrained
Why can’t I be tamed
Quiet and reserved
I get what I deserve
Angry and defensive
Why
Because no one listens
Empty and feeling alone
Just wanna sleep and stay at home
Anxious and jittery
Causing a bitter me
Jealous and demanding
The weak girls I always wound up commanding

And this is what she says to me…
“I don’t understand why you gotta be so mean
I’m just trying to be your friend
Isn’t that what friends do
Be there for you
But how can I when you won’t let me in
I just don’t understand
Baby, I mean buddy, no I mean friend
You
You just gotta let me in
I am someone you could depend on, you just gotta let me in
Because whether you wanna be with me or not I’m here until the end”

Well I wish it was that easy to be her friend and let her in
But there are feelings I’m trying to protect of hers
And she just doesn’t understand
I just can’t be her friend, I just can’t let her in
And she doesn’t understand that it’s not that simple to just be happy…

They say it gets better but it seems like it would never
I’m just so tired of
Tired of feeling this way
And you
You shouldn’t be so self-absorbent
Everything is not always because of you
  
In reality
I care about the one I’ve been with and the other for which I’m deeply passionate about
But it’s no doubt
It’s just that I need to move on
And no longer for these chicks will I be torn