Why am i so far
away
constantly?

I cannot
always breathe
or always think
or always feel

and I am not
one to disassociate
when there's still something worth
associating with.

but I ask why,
why am I like this?
why do I hide
curl into a ball
sob incoherently.

when I know perfectly well
why.

you curl into a ball to protect your face
to hide your vulnerable parts
loud noises make me flinch
loud voices make it worse.

conflict sends me spiraling
I can see my carefully
constructed
sanity
slipping away.

I'm a fraud.
I construct fallacies.
falsehoods about being sane
and good
and kind.

about having a moral compass
that always points north of wrong.

I am cruel within my judgments
I am jealous and snarky.

I am quick to jump
to conclusions
and assumptions.

I cry too easy,
I anger too quickly.

I am an unstable inferno,
either constantly burning at a calm lull
or blazing and consuming
all in my path.

I am a storm siren,
and within the rain and winds
that bring the fall of man,
watch the chaos
descend.

and if only/
if only/
the woodpecker sang
the bark on this tree
was just a little bit softer

if only/ if only
sang the wolf from below.

I would like
the rain
to stop.

Knelt not like candles
lit for celebration but
driven like needles
into pine by
hammer.

Time is ticking away for him.
Those days when he's in the awake will slip out of his fingers like grains of sand on the beach.
The rushing tide will weaken him until he is yearning for sleep.

Storms are inevitable.
Tiredness is inevitable.
We must all rest to calm those raging waves,
but when he lays down to let his mind slumber,
he knows he'll never wake up again.

What do i say?
Im utterly speechless with her.
I eyes are locked but i don'tknow what i should do.
My heart races at the shear thoughtof telling her.
Tell her how i think she is amazing?
What about how i cannot sleep without thinking of her?
Should i dare to say what i truly feel?
I open my mouth but i cannot speak those words.
The words that would set me free and release me of this hold.
Oh how i urn to tell her those exact words that make me weak inside.
I really want to tell you your beautiful, smart and amazing.
Tell you everything you truly are, but most of all,
Tell you i love you more than words could ever describe

Life is dull
Days drag on like a rocket in the sky
A trail of smoke left behind as a reminder of its linear trajectory

Life is thrilling
Picking up speed as it approaches the intended target
Exploding on impact with a brilliant display of fire

Life is over
Nothing remains but charred debris scattered and unrecognizable
Another rocket is fired into the sky