It all started somewhere in the winter
I begged for a love as my anxiety grows thicker
Endless quest to fufill your soul
The sense of home, it never felt so dull
But in that winter's eve, everything is going to change
Somehow im at peace, i don't feel rage
Maybe it's time for me to start writing a new page.
I gave it my all, but i always end up rotting in a cage.
Everlasting story of my worthless days.
Where you've constantly inviting me to stay.
And those poems written about youth love,
Growing up broken hearted, feeling so ******* small.
But as time goes by,
I realized all we said are just words with no meaning, and all of this is an illusion, fraud and a lie.

Look to the sky,
And tell me what do you see?
A vast shade of blue
Or is just me?
Or maybe deep colors of the void?
Disappearing into abyss
Waiting for a new chance
To find our own internal bliss
A story untold
Spreading like star dust
Thousands of light years far away
Escaping the gravity , hoping to readjust
Lost in the echo of this endless journey
Lead by the frequencies of collapsing time
As we enter the atmosphere
We begin our quest of climbing into our eternal divine.

The hardest question to ask
To hold on or to just let it past?
To slip through my fingers?
Or am I just the one who lingers?
All my emotions just thrown away
And all of this drugs wont get me through the day.
Cuz I'm just losing my mind.
With every bittersweet memorie that i cling on
I can't let it go, i won't admit that all is gone.
Maybe I'm just so stubborn and dumb
But I'm afraid that I'm on my own.
And now I'm just losing my grip
I'm falling lower and lower into this blackness so deep.
And all those feelings never said.
Blinded by the love I'll never have.

You and me
We ll never be
What i really wanted us to be
And i dont know
If i should hold on
Or just let u go
Cuz it's breaking my soul
And u act like u dont care
I gave u my all
But as it seems im just too hard to love.

If you take my hand, i wont let you go
That is something i really want you to know
And if tomorrow brings fear in your eyes
Ill be right there, sitting by your side
Hold your hand in mine,
Grasping for this very moment, as the time is passing by
Look into my eyes with faith and hope
Giving my all, just to make a chance for us both
And believe me when i say
Next to you is a place where i want to lay
And listen to your heart beat and your breath
If u take me, ill be yours till my death
It may sound little corny, yes i know
But the feeling behind never failed to show
That i miss u with every second that passes by
You are the reason for my growth, my happiness and my smile.
You are the sun that rises at the dawn
Glimpse of joy, but i just pray it's not all that wrong
You are the moon that i gaze upon
They say home is a place, but wherever you are is where i belong

Only thing im searching for,
Hidden somewhere in my true form.
A place i can call my own,
my sanctuary and my home.
A litte peace in my head
Where i can escape from this existential dred.

I have this terrible feeling,
That im just not enough.
And no matter what i do or say
We were just a love story that never begun.

I drown myself in alcohol,
So my brain cant think at all.
I wasted most nights all alone.
Searching for a feeling i call my home.
But nothing is mine to own.
They say,
Stop feeling broken and sour.
So i drown myself in pills and liquor,
Cuz for me that's only working cure.
Even the music cant help no more,
Small wooden box, my deathwish, my final decor.

In this moment, lost and forgotten
Reconsidering atonement, but the truth never to be spoken
And ill leave, im abounded and sore
And every night, it just hurts a little more
In the end im afraid
One last step, into abyss ive created
This virus is plaguing my soul
And before u know it, im swallowed by it whole
No rest for the wicked and insane
I gave it my all, but there's not much to gain
And im not okay, im afraid
Im loosing this battle inside of my brain
It's all been said before
Buried deep within this metaphor
But this life aint what i settled for
Abstract visions of what i used to be, are never more.
But there's a hope between ocean and shore
Between our feelings locked up inside of a box ill never tore
This reality is just a trap door
And if u know how to escape it, ull appreciate life as u never did before
If u have the courage, if u have the valour
Everything will fall into place, everything u adore

And ill snap, my own neck
Hang the noose
From the ceiling to my back
Slit my wrists
With a dull of a knife
Blood spilling from my vains
Finally i feel fine

Creative imagery, of person i used to be
Just like a corps on autopsy
Waiting to be locked inside of a coffin
And thrown into the open sea
And i act impulsively
To distant myself of everything i know and see
Disturbing my own sanity
But maybe, i was born for this calamity
In a world, so dark and cold
To be ripped apart form my soul, maybe its my destiny
To be eaten by the ecstasy
Love chemical, but i admire its toxicity
Or maybe to lose my mind due to overdose on lsd
To see my final trip, that activate your brain's dmt
The spiritual molecule, that leads me through time and places i have never seen
And add just a little bit of thc
To be ripped apart once again by the effect of each drug individually

As i walk through the empty streets
With a weight of the world on my chest
Feeling the long lost love
When will i find my rest
Roaming through these dark thoughts
Consuming all the bad things
It seems im forever lost
It seems i wont be able to feel joy that life brings
And when all comes chrusing down
With the most beautiful sound
Im leving my earth body
Cos with universe im soul bound
Taken by the winter cold
I feel so lost and alone
My cosmic entity is lost
Chrushed by the weight of this empty world
Feeling the cold breeze on my skin
As cold as my heart within
My mind got blurried, i have sinned
The lost echo sending from a fiend
I cant tell who s friend or foe
These dark clouds rips my heart and soul
I rot from inside out
I wont see tomorrow, there's no doubt
Im sorry for all i did
This darknes consumes me with very fast speed
Ill leave u now, for you to live your life in peace
The time has come for me cease to exist

One, to take the edge of.
Two, to make me numb.
Three, to get rid of the pain.
Four, to make me feel like ****.
Five, to make my mind go to sleep.
Six, to make me think I'm not so weak.
Seven , to see that I'm just a fraud.
Eight , to watch my soul leave my body.
Nine, hope I'll finally see God.
Ten, it's time to say goodbye.
It's time for my eyes to close.
It's time i leave, this is not where i belong.

Most nights, I think of ways it all could be
Trying to fall asleep
But my eyes are so heavy, and I can not breath
As the night sky sings this remedy
I think of u and me
And these lofi melodies
Just remind me
Only when I close my eyes, us is what I see
And it kinda *****, the way it all seems unreal
But as the sun rises
I can finally sleep
So I run into the deep dreams
Where nothing is what it seems
The world of my imagination
So quite yet full of frustration
I leave the reality for the wake
Im not welcome there,
this escape is for my own sake
And I wanted to stay, in this world of blue and grey
But a single touch, a single voice
Pulled me out,
not by my own choice
And again, I lay here wide awake
Pretending to live a life I dont need
So that I can escape again into my world of sleep