DANCE ON DADDYS ASHES CAUSE HE LEFT ME A *******,
THE ONLY LESSON HE TAUGHT ME
IS  THAT THERES MORE TO GO AFTER
THAN BEIN COOL WITH UR PASTOR AND LOVIN COLLEGE LIKE ASHER, YOU GOTTA TAKE CHARGE AND CHANGE THE WORLD CAUSE NOBODY GONE ASK YA,
AND DONT WASTE YOUR DAYS AWAY BECAUSE TIME WONT WAIT TO PASS YA,
DUMP YOUR PASSION INTO YOUR CRAFT AND SOON YOULL SEE THEM KIDS FROM YOUR CLASS RIDIN YOUR ***, HANGIN ON YOUR COATTAILS SAYIN "GET ME A GLASS"
in florida a girl woke up my soul and stirred the stagnant waters in my pools of consciousness, awakening my inner restlessness, reviving my ancient nomad and making me realize every second im on this earth I need to appreciate it and make the most of it, dance and be silly, be cute, be bold, be straightforward and mind your boundaries, hold your tongue until youre loooking her in the eyes and youre trying to telepathically ask her to kiss you and in that moment shell close her eyes and smile with no teeth just to show you shes down,
and then a laugh will echo in your head and the smell of a flea market mixes with the scent of **** on her breath,  and your heart will burn with the pain of what would come but youll smile and call her silly, turning over to change the song from pink floyd as your brain begins to weigh its options, hold your tongue till that moment then tell her shes amazing and gifted, then pick her up and dance with her or youll regret it on the ride home, DONT WASTE MOMENTS WITH PEOPLE WHO MAKE YOU FEEL LIKE EVERYONE ELSE DOESNT MATTER, THOSE PEOPLE ARE A NATURAL PART OF YOU, IF THEY CONCERN YOU MORE THAN YOUR SAFETY THATS NOT SAFE BUT ITS A SIGN, DONT IGNORE THAT FEELING BUT RATIONALLY APPRECIATE IT AND NURTURE IT. there are people out there that will step into your life like a hurricane and rain down new opportunities and emotions, embrace their strong winds and bask in their influence. After leaving Florida I was thinking Florida and her and Tennessee and I got my to my hometown, and on arrival I knew something was off. it felt as though the air was made of different things than before, signs were different colors or peoples accents seemed extreme, however slight I realized the world changes and doesnt stop, we change and only stop when we allow ourselves to, we should learn from the earth and follow our souls to happiness, our souls arent what gives in to greed and want our souls know what we need and learning to listen to mine is something im determined to do. because even though i preach it I often find myself making decisions based on mine and other peoples greed or negativity, I should make these decisions based on my own well being, and for the well being of the overall goal which is happiness and a home for my soul, this place has fed my roots for long enough and cassie and florida allowed me to realize everyone and everything is temporary and beautiful and easily changed by our own will.

I cam back from a vacation to the beach to find my hometown slightly different, it was as though we had entered a new dimension and tiny things were subject to change in my 5 day absence; such as the color of a sign or someones accent.
Most of all Id say my home makes me feel as though im not home, this place feels like a dream, like im stuck in the matrix or something. Nothing about the way this place makes me feel makes me want to stay, and nothing about it feels natural or right. It brings a rock to the bottom my stomach turning over the assumed reality I supposedly exist in. Every person seems hollower here, like they are not pilots of their own human vehicles, but in fact they are occupants of their human shell, with varying levels of control.
There is no person here that could make me stay at this point. I can only explain it like this, no matter what if the environment is wrong, it outweighs everything else in terms of efffecting your mood. for example, you couldnt have a climactic battle scene be fought in a boutique, it would be heard to look past the soldiers hiding behind dresses no? nobody here can really outshine this thought that this is not my destination. Im set on my course and its not changeable, the destination is happiness and nobody else is required for the voyage, company would be cool, but jump if you dont like how the boat rocks.

Some days my heart shines like its sure the sun is its closest rival and oldest teacher,
Other days my brain convinces it that it might as well just call in sick for the day to avoid the echoing pains of nights prior,
On most days though my heart is in a constant argument with my brain,
Maybe not an argument but more of a negotiation, my brain lets my heart wander on a longer leash and play its music a little louder, but once the storm clouds roll in my heart has no choice but to be locked away for the sake of my mental foundations integrity.
Somewhere in the compounds of my body there is a soul that cant get a word in on the dialougues of my heart and brain,
Then again he has no scientific bearing in the world so he holds no worthwile input?
But what if my brain and heart are tool my sould has yet to figure out? Or vice versa? Maybe souls are adaptations and sentience is is just us learning to use those adaptations to our advantage?
Souls cant be just tools or improvements though, they are too cemented and too complex,
Too  raw, unobservable, undescribable, and undeniable.
I just wish there was a way to get all 3 on the same page.
Nothings the same lately and its like my world flipped upside down, and this is me falling out of reality into infinity and watching everything Ive wanted or known pass me bye like lines on a road.
The other day I took some acid and found myself laughing at the fact that we discover medicines and we have politics and science and that we have this curiosity to explore and this hellbent obsession with expansion and growth.
I realized at that moment that there is a simple and absolutely gorgeous futility to everything humans do,
We might cure cancer,
The sun will still blow up eventually,
We may find world peace,
But overpopulation might bite us for that one,
The point is nothing we do can stop the end times, that doesnt mean stop what youre doing and lose all motivation, it just means at the end of the day, were in the can regardless, dont sweat the small stuff and make your moments gleam.

In this world I only seek growth,
Not in a greedy or consumerist way,
I also dont mean that as some form of my own twisted manifest destiny or any american dream. I just want to be able to wrap myself in my own embrace and say today was a good day, and learn from my days.
I want to be able to create art 24/7 and with you I was so focused on you I never did. Not that thats your fault or anyones it just means I need to focus.  If my growth isnt a reasonable explanation to you then thanks for the fertilizer.

The first time I really matched with a girl she was a girl that matched often,
Each of us charismatic with a bit of an awkward past and love for all things obnoxius.
That girl swept me up and loved me awkwardly,
That semester we were clicking,
I guess me more than her with my online game addiction, shed facetime me and sing her favorite songs while I played (including "video games" by Lana Del Rey and I loved that) which I always adored of her, among other things like her snort and her freckles.
We made a hallway our home and I have pictures to prove it,
If you ask her she might remember,
And if she does I hope she smiles.
I honestly cant deny her patch on my heart,
Its a taylor swift bandaid I used to cover the scar.

I kinda think my opinion on this changes every time I write but I feel as though you fall in love once, and once youre in love youre just in love with whoevers willing to be loved and thats just that,
I also think love is partially a chemical reaction and a natural fondness of certain people and our right brains running a little wild with subconscious ideas.

It worries me in a world with things so beautifully tragic that WE effect or neglect to advocate or notice.
However what we advocate is something as insignificant as someone calling themselves caitlyn and being who they want to be.
100% of tuna off the coast of california tested over the safe level of radiation (probably due to fukishema or whatever im not an expert and not claiming to be  I saw it on a documentary) but I doubt anyone cares. The oil in the gulf of mexico is still there on the bottom, they sunk it, they hid the mistake deep deep down where it could slowly **** the ocean some more but nobodt would know.
Although I guess from their point of view, whats a leak in the roof when theres been a leak in the bow for the past 9 months am I right?  There are literal trash islands and in probably every fish belly there are bits of plastic they think are food, those fish get consumed, they digest, the plastic doesnt, the predator that consumed the plastic either gets consumed and the plastic gets moved up the food chain,
( possibly to birds then to god knows where) or it collects in the predators stomach as it eats more plastic ridden fish.
Im sad.
People should know the earth is more than kanye west and ISIS,
I wish we could be humans.

One day after a couple of blunts in my friends car the conversation of
"Whats the worst thing you have that you could lose?"
Someone said their eyesight cause they like colors too much, I almost agreed; I dont know how long I could last in a world with no tie dye and  where I couldnt watch the sunset dance its ****** and the sky take its curtain call.

Someone said hearing,
God this one I almost totally agreed with. My favorite songs are now only the parts I can remember.
My mom can now only yell at me with her eyes and never will you hear your love say I do in their violin voice.

Still something else seemed worse, and it might just be because im so sentimental, but I answered memory.
I REMEMBERED a friend from middle school that I rode the bus with who was usually very cheerful getting on the bus one day looking very distressed, and it was only 6:45, what couldve been wrong so soon? So I asked.

"My Grandmothers alzheimers has gotten worse,  she forgets my name sometimes."
That hurt me to hear and I could only be there for her that morning.
As time went on she returned to slight normalcy but one day she got on the bus looking more sullen than ever, I moved to her seat to talk to her about it.

"My grandmaw is in a nursing home now, and every day when she wakes up she doesnt know why shes there. She doesnt just forget my name anymore."
She. Didnt really return to any normalcy and as months went bye she was out of school for a day and when she came back she explained to me why and it still rings in my head as one of the saddest things I've heard.
"My grandmaw got worse and worse, eventually having to be reminded how to use utensils, and she forgot about my grandpaw, and eventually how to eat and drink. Her funeral was yesterday."


So when the question was asked I thought about having to visit a loved one and having to introduce yourself,
And not being able to say,
"Remember that christmas when we both over ate?" Or "remember the time you paid for our first date? Do you still remember what I ate?  Do you remember our vows? Do you remember when we hid our hickies from our parents and it didnt work? "
"Remember riding our bikes past the firehouse and scraping our knees? Do you remember the time at your birthday when you let me help you blow your candles out? Remember when we talked about how to talk to girls remember summer days spent swimming and laughing till our stomachs hurt because nothing really mattered? Do you remember?"

That would eat me alive,
Take my legs and arms,
Those things can be made fake,
But memories cant be replaced.
Make them while theyres time to be made, and write a detailed autobiography just to be alzheimers proof.

Rivers often mix; allowing their waters  to meet and mingle and swirl and be one,
Often rivers split however, after years of a certain current on one odd angle could bore its way into a body of land and once again these rivers would separate, only to meet again in whatever reservoir they may drain into which is intermittently connected with every other natural water source, ultimately reuniting with other waters including their own;
Along the way though some take their time. they meander lazily flowing more directions than they could ever practically need to but I think they do it because those other rivers take the whole punctuality thing too seriously, and either way theyre already there.