"Youre such a baby!"
The words I suppose will define my first and most crucial flaw.
The irrepairable error I cant get away from.
Ya know, at this point though, hearing the words flow from your mouth nowadays,
"Youre such a baby!"
It seems more and less applicable.
When you first said it I was most definitely a baby, freshly able to call myself 16 and I thought I was head over heels then. But nowadays I find myself being semi childish over you and then I remember were not actually anything were just whatever and I just hear it,
"Youre such a baby!"
Hm.
The phrase haunts her mind like a specter she sometimes forgets about; but its always there
Im sorry.
I feel like my dreams grow bigger and realer every day and they include you more and more but then theres days where I just feel like if I was the last person on earth youd walk on bye humming.
"Im a ******* baby"
Its weird. I dont think im a baby at all and then you make me remember.
I still need to remember to learn from children that nothing is as serious as I let it seem.  Every day you lose a tiny bit of interest in me and I watch it. I feel like im watching the water from my fishbowl evaporate. I noticed you think you can pick out certain life images from people to decide your compatibility. That is so intuitive but the edges of our puzzle pieces dont really fit every day.
"If we never date we never break up"
I dont really care if we date losing you is gonna **** again. But when the day comes I know well cope. Youll yoga me away and skip the shotglass, Ill probably roll more blunts than my throat is ok with and convince myself im all I need. I dont feel deserving of you and your imperfectionsz So much bounces around my head when I write right now that only like 10% of what I need to come out is coming out.
It feels like im trying to pull only my matching socks from a spinning laundry machine.
I need to just chill.

Dancing somewhere in the shadows, behind whatevers in the way,
Her thoughts spin quietly,
As if shes afraid of knowing what to say,
They jump and fall and press themselves to the tip of her tongue but courage or lack thereof reminds her what must be done.
The words she uses fit perfectly like the notches of a key fit a lock,
Her application is where the art is,
Delivery as gentle soft rock.


I just wanna know,
Everything you wish you had,
Everything I'm not for you,
And everything he is,
Is there something I can do about it?
Or is it just the proof in the pudding that I'm supposed to be alone?

When he strums do you have the urge to tell him,
"You're definitely not allowed to do that"
And when my arms are wrapped around you is it his voice bouncing around in your head that drowns me out?
Lately I don't know which parts of me you'd keep if I fell apart,
Or which you would trash because you have no use for them.


She always tells me 95 percent,
And vague as they can be listening to her speak her words is always time well spent.

Today I wake n baked with the world.
I stepped outside into the 11 o clock sun and let my eyes adjust,
"Hello clouds, lookin good, hows it hangin?"
They didnt answer, they never do.
But they did me a solid and stuck around for me to look at.
I sat down on the second step and put my **** down next to me. I took a deep breath and looked around at the fenced in yard and grass that needed cutting but the spring weather wont permit it lately. I remember when there was no fence, the now slight dip in the yard was a crater, and when the skirting was missing after numerous hurricanes. Rosie followed me down and went on to lay in the sun for a while.
I took a hit and held it in, the warmth a familiar feeling in my lungs, I smiled and exhaled into the sun.
After I was finished coughing and whatever song was on ended it was too serene for me to ruin with more rap music at the moment.
There were honeybees and there were wasps everywhere in the grass, hunting, very active. I never noticed how graceful and well equipped wasps are until I was able to observe and appreciate one for more than a pain bringing nuisance. I watched as a wasp flew around my foot then off into the grass clearly not interested in me.
He landed on a piece of grass mid flight and quickly crawled around under the grass, im assuming hunting. Regardless it was cool and ive never seen that, I saw other wasps doing it and started thinking about the fact that they are the only real insect predator in my yard I think. There are probably others like spiders and stuff but wasps seem the most prevalent, and the most determined.
As I stopped focusing so much on the wasps I noticed it seemed like the grass was talking. It sounded like it was making that "snap crackle pop" noise from rice crispies or whatever that cereal is. Im not sure what the noise really was but I would swear the grass was just saying hello.
On closer examination maybe it was singing hello? The noise was lovely, almost enchanting.
Idk but I prolly sound crazy, oh well.

Tonight I went to the city to investigate a mystery witha girl who reaked of destiny, marijuana, and body odor.
She has hair that can only be recreated in nature by peakcocks and birds of paradise, and a mind that a child would see eye to eye with. Not as in shes unintelligent but her imagination open mindedness, curiosity and raw hunger for knowledge and fun experiences can only be matched by those of us not yet knowledgable to feel and understand the worst of our world. Having always been obsessed with the moon it didnt strike me as odd that she spoke of that first.
"The other day I figured it all out, its the ****** moon"
Now at first this meant little to nothing to me but she went on to explain how we measure time is wrong because the moon controls us ( she mentioned something about menstrual cycles +tides lol )more than the sun and then she explained something about the 13 moon cycles,
Good and bad aliens,
The universe is a place of free will,
Reptillians want the world for human souls,
Eminem got his soul back,
This guru girl with the galaxy always on her mind isnt even that close of a friend. Shes kind of crazy and reaching in ways but shes just a thinker and I think shes onto something. Her psychiatrist said shes stuck in dreamland but as far as im concerned the whole thing is a dream so ¿

I wanna skip the summer and go straight through the fall  (Though the summer and fall will be magnificent im sure) to the beginning of winter, I wanna kiss you as the airs crispens and the leaves trade all their warmth for a dazzling glacial nightgown and wrap you up around a fire while we discuss wether bees have a favorite flowers because what else would we talk about?

Three nights ago I was the happiest id been.
Three nights ago I had one perfect thing.
Three nights ago I was finally sure.

Two nights ago I ****** all that up.
Two nights ago I could love my reflection.

Last night I ****** my second ( third depending on how you look at it ) chance up.

But a year ago I laid eyes on a girl who hasnt left the back of my mind since.
She always said to me how love wasnt real, and to me that was *******.
"Ive been in love tons of times over the past 3 years"  I probably thought.

But those sophmoric ideals and freshman follys had taught me nothing and left me with nothing but a false shell of what I thought love was.
I never knew really but now I do I think, or I think I have a better idea.
Love is when you literally cant be apart from someone without counting the hours in between seeing them again.
Love is when the thought of someone not wanting you makes you wake up in the middle of the night.
Love is when the drugs hAve you  so out of it you dont think you can get off the couch but if  you heard their voice youd sprint full speed towards it.
Love is being overly sensitive about someones actions or emotions or thoughts because they are too selfish to see that the things they do effect other people and still not wanting THEM to be hurt.
Love is having your greatest fear wrapped around you and kissing it on the cheek because thats the only thing it wants.

I think I can also find love in the fact that  My world crumbled around me as you pulled out of my driveway once again and I laid punch after punch into my door and screamed your favorite curse word into the metal I could only see your face and the horror that might be on it seeing me like this and that was the worst moment of my life I felt like my heart was literally climbing through my throat to reach my brain and knock some fcking sense into it.

Im still not sure of what love is but I KNOW I love you

EVERY TIME I SAY GOODBYE TO YOU I WANT YOU TO FEEL LOVED AND LETTING YOU GO MAKES ME WANT TO TELL YOU A MILLION THINGS TO MAKE FEEL LOVED SO EVEN IF I NEVER SEE YOU AGAIN NOBODY CAN EVER MAKE YOU FEEL UNLOVED.

WHEN YOU LAUGH STARS ARE BORN AND THEY COME INTO THIS WORLD ON THE SOUNDS OF SOMETHING MORE BEAUTIFUL THAN THEY ARE.

WHEN YOU SING I HEAR MY GRANDMOTHER WHISTLING WITH ALL HER WIND CHIMES AND THATS WHY I CRY WHEN I HEAR IT

WHEN YOU SAY " be nice to her"  I SEE MY PRESCHOOL TEACHER THE TIME SHE TAUGHT ME MY FIRST LESSON IN FORGIVENESS

WHEN I SEE YOUR FACE I GET THE FEELING I GET WHEN I WAS 6 AND THE ICE CREAM MAN TURNED DOWN MY ROAD AND ALL I WANTED TO DO WAS RUN DIRECTLY TO HIM I JUST WANT TO RUN DIRECTLY TO YOU.