Some men are so focused
on the act of ***
ridiculously eager to get into it
they forget to relish
the moments beforehand
and after
focused on the getting
more than the giving
Which is where
I would like to think I differ
I like to watch a woman after
as she lies there
in her lovely silhouette
glistening
gently quivering
breathing heavily
eyes closed
as if in some strange
*** coma
or spell
Sometimes a job well done
is in the confirmation
and reward
in itself
Or maybe it just makes me feel
I can look beyond
myself.

When I die
  the angel will probably have your face.

"I went to the hospital"
        I remember
"I wanted to stop breathing so you'd come back"
        Don't say that
"I whispered your name when I was asleep"
        You did?
"That's what I was told when I woke up"
       You always have talked in your sleep
"I wanted you to come back"
        *I never wanted to leave

I was right there.

As he gripped her waist in one hand,
she glanced in my direction
long enough to force a nod
when I asked if she was okay.

His fingertips traced their way up her thigh
as her breath became more shallow.
I asked if she was okay.
She said yes.

With his cold breath on the back of her neck
and his arm pulling her closer,
he whispered something that I couldn't hear.
She said she was fine.

I was right there.

I followed her when she left.
I found her sitting on the restroom floor.
With every sob her body shook in my bony arms.
I could not protect her.

I was right there.

I am so sorry that I did not save her.
If her eyes had screamed a little louder,
if I had looked a little closer,
Maybe then I could have stopped him before it was too late.

**I was right there.

your eyes are not oceans
and you are not a natural disaster
you are manmade and you will topple
and i will be the one to topple you
because you are a literal bag of human ****
and if you think that telling me
that i deserve ****
will impress your fellow man friends,
you had better watch the **** out
because i am coming for you with a taser
and a buzzsaw
your mra t-shirts can't help you now,
****