i can't breathe without
suffering from the fear of
drowning in the air.
i am an underwater
creature and this air
is poisonous to my lack
of lungs. i need you.
you are the water in this
stale air. i need you.
you take away my fear of
breathing. with you i can breathe.
-----
i do not know why
you are not like air to me.
why are you like my
water? you are just a boy
and i am just an
underwater creature. i am not
worthy of you at-
tention. i don't deserve to
breathe you everyday.
i wish you were the air so
you would be like my poison.

i am guilty of looking at your lips in the middle of class.
wondering who else has looked at them.
wondering if they've wanted to kiss them.
if they've wanted to be yours.
i wanna be yours.
i am addicted to 8:35 on weeknights sneaking away during act 2.
i am addicted to choco-coffee from the best **** barista in town.
i am addicted to phone tag and craisins.
i am addicted to your lips.

normal girls call you up at midnight needing *** but i, i just need you.
i don't need ***.
that is beyond me.
i am too fat, too ugly, too unmarried for ***.
and you have a purity ring etched in your heart.
i just need you.

Love #1
He liked me, i liked him.
This lasted for a while.
Summer came, he left.
He got a girlfriend, and forgot about me.

The next school year,
We made eye contact in the hall all the time
He texted me and apologized
I forgave him
and when he and his girlfriend were over
He came running back to me
I welcomed him with open arms.
This only lasted part of the summer.
Things were getting tense
and we stopped contacting each other.

A year later
When i was "talking" to someone new
He apologized again
I think he was jealous, to be honest.

We never spoke again.


Love #2
I thought he was cute
I only fantasized about him liking me
Then it came true
He pursued me, and i liked it.
We went on a date before our first date

He held my hand that day
and forced his lips upon mine.
Not how i imagined my first kiss.

We went on dates
but stayed in the car most of the time
I thought i could control things
and not go too far.
I tried to stop multiple times
yet somehow he just kept enticing me.
After he got what he wanted (not what you are thinking)
He dumped me.
He said we could still be friends
but i mean, that was unrealistic.

We never spoke again.


Love #3
He makes me happy
We are best friends
He held my hand at the beach
and kissed me on the cheek.
That was only for one day.

We continued to be best friends
We went out by ourselves and
he made no indication that we were more than friends.
Weeks went by.

Then after our AP test we went to eat together.
We also went on an adventure.
That was the best day of my life.
We went up a mountain and went on a little hike.
It was hailing and we were sitting close under a towel for protection.

That would have been the perfect time to kiss me.
But he didnt.
And i respect that.

He takes things slow
unlike Love #2.
patience means you're in it for the long run.
Things are going well
and I think we could actually have a good future together.
Im excited for it, love.

Dear mother, father, brothers, and friends,
What is happiness, but a trend?
I never found it, but I did crave it.

I spent day and night crying over a lost love,
A lost chance, a forgotten friend, a speck of dust.
Everywhere I looked, I saw the beauty I couldn't find in me.
And it pained me so. It pained me quite so.

A wonderful world ruined by a broken soul
Is not such a wonderful world, is it?
I could not stand ruining other people's happiness,
When I knew I would never find it.

Once, a friend told me that just like love,
Happiness finds you.
But I guess the line was long enough already,
And all the operators were occupied.

I shall join all the forgotten souls,
All the dead ones somebody used to love or hate.
In happiness, in love, in bliss, in joy, in death.
Goodnight, and joy be with you all.

if you were the sun and he were the moon
he'd die every day just to let you breathe
and if you're in need of a home for your broken heart
he'd make a house out of sticks on the beach, where you could live happy ever after
he'd live for you, he'd die for you, he'd do it all over again for you
he'd study the way your eyes roll back when he said something cliche
just as you'd watch the cigarette hang off his lips like a circus show in an artificially lit gas station
he'd rub little circles on your hand when introducing you to his friends because you were nervous
he'd fight off all the little demons dancing in your head by spinning you around his room like a ballroom floor
he'd say 'i love you' even if he knew those words couldn't hold you together forever
he'd say them for him, for you, for the nights ahead where you're miles away thinking of laying on his bedroom floor
you'd say 'don't' and he'd kiss you in the middle of your sentence to lengthen the limit of your forevers
he'd hold on to your wrists when you tried to slam his door, he'd let you hit him when you were angry
he'd climb up in the sky and hang off the edge of the crescent moon, and he'd reach up to grab a star to bring back down for you
he'd rearrange the constellations and align the planets to be just like you'd always dreamt about
he'd feel a pain in his stomach when the sun caught the tint of your hair the first day you said goodbye
he'd call you just to hear your voice on the answering machine, because you would never pick up
he'd stay with old friends just to ask how you've been, and feel an emptiness when he found out you were doing just fine
a boyfriend, an apartment, and a disease called growing up that you'd whispered you'd never catch one summer night
he'd do it all for you
if you just
let him in