Too late? she asked
Too late for, can we talk? He said.
Too late for the talk,
Too late for the words,
Too late for empathy.
Too late to save it.
Too late, just too late.

Too soon? He asked
Too soon, she said.
Too soon for more lies,
Too soon for the truth
Too soon for the return.
Too soon to fix it.
Too soon, but not forever.

Chin lifted off chest this morning,
You only saw the top of my head for weeks.
But I have no apologies, only truths.
Can you handle the truth of it?
Want to climb in here with me for a day?
No?
OK, all is fine. No problems here.
I’ll keep smiling and you keep not caring.
No expectations, no disappointments.
No questions, no lies.
Cry when it’s too late for tears.

Do you see me?
Or are you just looking?
Do your hear me?
Or are you just listening?
Do you feel me?
Or are we just touching?
Do you want me?
Or are you just caught?
Do you want me?
Or do you just need me?

Light head carrying me forward on leaden feet.
Someone else’s body under my clothes today.
This lethargy and this ethereal pain, drags.
Drags me sweating out of sleep,
Drags my brain behind my body.
That smile that looks real on my face,
Still doesn’t touch my eyes.
I’m wearing it so long, who’d know?
Same thoughts turn over and over,
One more day becomes one more hour,
Celebrating pointless little victories.
Torturing me, wearing on me.
Killing me the hard way.
;

I feel extra special down today,
Said some things I needn’t say.
I left it hanging to be forgotten,
Building up inside, turning rotten.

To think I wanted her to leave me.
The only one who actually sees me.
Another excuse to justify my end,
I am for certain going round the bend.

She will forgive me, and forget.
But I don’t have many chances left.
Either in or out, it’s getting serious.
When it started we were both delirious.

Soul mates and the best of friends and lovers
Out in public or under the covers.
Family the cement keeping us together,
Gives us strength to brave the weather.

Today it's raining inside and out,
My mind's full of crippling doubt,
No good within and none without
No open space to scream or shout.

Trapped in here with myself and others
Wish I could explain this to my brothers.
Who rally round and pat my back,
When all I want is two bricks and a sack.

I’m the boy with the quick replies,
I’m the man who’s dead inside.
I’m the boy with the broken tooth,
I’d better learn to shut my mouth.
I’m the lad with the bright red hair,
Getting beat down seems to be fair.
I’m the guy with the biggest fists,
That’s from my Dad, he doesn’t miss.
I’m the guy with the wolfish smile,
From my hooded eyes you should run a mile.
I’m the boy with the nervous stammer,
Such a shake, can’t lift my hammer.
I’m the boy with the pen in hand,
Still trying to learn to be a man.
I’m the man whose cup runneth over,
You stay back there, my former lover.
I’m the man who stands on tables,
She was the woman who wasn’t able.
I’m the old man sitting alone,
No one ever rings my phone.
I’m the boy who should’ve listened.
I’m also the man who’s never missed.
Feed my body and not my mind,
See the shell that’s left behind.

The tornado in my core is spinning me around,
The absence of variety is bringing me down.
The pills, the therapy, the truth isn’t nice,
My torture, unable to take my own advice.
Keep making the same mistakes, time and again.
Deepening the ever expanding stain.
Confusing my beloved with apathy and moods,
Desertion or abandonment, I think I wish she would.
Once more on edge, all good thoughts set sail
Taunting me, baiting me, wanting me to fail.
Against a backdrop of mindless roiling black cloud,
Surely pain like this isn’t allowed?
Always a roundabout, never the swings.
And then today, the tornado wins.