Did I ask for help?
Easy for those out there looking in.
Shame fills my emptiness.
Pride is long lost among the
Apathy. I reek of
Insensible poetry, palms are
Rooted to the shame of it.
;

Fill me up, I’m empty
Fillet me, I’m cooked
Use me, I’m blind
Cook me, I’m basted
**** me, I’m done.
Yell at me, I’m deaf
Ogle me, I’m not pretty
Understand, read between the lines

The trouble isn’t ahead of me,
It’s staring me in the face.
I’m looking blankly past it,
Pretending it doesn’t exist.

It’s come to tempt me over
To the edge of the abyss.
Pills stuck in my throat last time.
I know I’ll not be missed.

I’ve hurt them too many times,
I can’t look in their eyes.
Sadness looks back at me,
And hurt and surprise.

There will be no cry for help,
No suicide note, no guilt.
Just a clumsy pile of clothes and,
The useless piles of tears.

Don’t mourn for me just learn from it.
Go and spill your guts.
Don’t be the coward I turned out to be.
Stand up, be brave, no buts.
;

Monday morning isn’t blue, it’s white.
The little white pill on my desk,
Mocking me; take me, spit me out, who cares.
My senses are dull, my thoughts slow,
This is before the pill kicks in.
Miserable existence, but not the end.
We fight on, this is just imbalance,
It’ll pass, support is there.
If I ever learn how to ask.

I used to think I was broken,
I now know for sure that I am.
There’s not a power on earth to fix me.
Nobody gives a good God-****.
Around me is always darkness and I’m too far gone to fight.

I see nothing out there resembling hope,
No prayer, no words and no light.
The candle burned down and left naught but wick.
All I see is bridge, bottle or rope.
I hope there's someone looking out for me, because,
I’m too far gone to fight.

As I turn this off and hide it from view,
The last person I want to hear from is you.
You’ve lied and cheated and let me down,
You’ve stolen my things again and again.

Don’t bother coming back, we don’t need you,
Take your lies and see now who really wants you.
Maybe the one from the back of the car?
Maybe the other you met in that bar?

Definitely not me, my time and my life,
I’m sure you’ll make another feel the strife.
You’ve had all your chances and burnt all bridges,
Go back under that rock, hide away and forget us.

This cloying, repugnant, invisible disease.
For all these things, leaves it’s mark.
Indelible stains on the heart and mind.
Does it exist at all outside the minds of the afflicted?

Outside looking in, empathy abounds.
This empathy almost impossible unless you are infected.
Words of positive reassurance fall on the blocked ears.
Platitudes flow back from the infected mouth.

Advice and emotional contact mean nothing.
Even from the dearest of friends,
The best of intentions lead nowhere
But to guilt and pain.