In a world unreal, where edges blur,
I drift through life, an uncertain blur.
The colors fade, the shapes distort,
A surreal landscape, my mind's retort.

I'm caught in a realm, detached and strange,
Where reality shifts, and perceptions change.
The familiar becomes distant and unknown,
A fragmented reality I call my own.

The world feels hazy, like a dream undone,
Disconnected, I search for a sense of the sun.
I grasp for solidity, for something real,
But everything wavers, as if it can't be sealed.

Time slips through my fingers, moments disarrayed,
An ethereal journey, where moments cascade.
Faces and voices, they all merge and blend,
I struggle to grasp the fragments, to comprehend.

In this altered state, I question my existence,
Am I here, or just a figment, lost in persistence?
I yearn for a tether, an anchor to hold,
But the ground beneath me feels untold.

Yet within this detachment, a flicker remains,
A spark of resilience, a soul that sustains.
Through the foggy mist, I find strength anew,
To navigate this realm, to find my own view.

In the depths of shadows, I find my way,
A maze of thoughts where emotions sway.
A haunting melody, a twisted tune,
Words entwined like a midnight moon.

A shattered soul, fragmented and torn,
Aching wounds that have yet to be mourned.
A kaleidoscope of colors turned gray,
In this realm where echoes hold sway.

I'm a wanderer in a labyrinth of dreams,
Lost in the maze where reality gleams.
Whispers of the past, echoes of the now,
Seeking solace, wondering how.

Monsters dance in the corners of my mind,
Their presence felt, their touch unkind.
They leer and taunt, my fears they feed,
Yet within this darkness, I plant a seed.

For amidst the chaos, a flicker of light,
A glimmer of hope, burning so bright.
Through the pain and the tears I embrace,
The beauty that emerges from this darkened space.

So I write my words, I paint my verse,
A cathartic release, a universe.
In the tapestry of emotions unspoken,
I find solace, a heart softly broken.

This is my refuge, my sanctuary true,
Where I can be vulnerable, and yet, renew.
In the cadence of my thoughts, I find reprieve,
And in this poetry, my soul finds a weave.

So let the ink flow, let the words dance,
Expressing the depths of my circumstance.
For in this poetry, I am set free,
To explore the depths of what it means to be me.

I'm the host of a ghost and the most that I know is I feel it burrowing deep in my soul. Like a monster it stares at me, yet cares for me too. Watching me patiently sink in the blue. Waves come down crashing like a party around, and even with you here sometimes there's no sound. It's shameful and lousy and frankly it's sick, that even with a love like this I get lost so quick. It's silly, offensive, and sometimes just cruel that I keep crying like we're in some duel. You'll forgive and forget but the feelings will linger, "is she manipulating me?" with my cunning bee stinger. And I'm shouting like the wicked witch "Oh, I'm melting, I'm melting" and I'm tearing like a crooked ***** while I'm belting and belting, "I'm melting, I'm melting," and swearing I'm caring but can I really care if everytime you need me I'm never really there? Frankly it's not fair! It's not fair that my tone falls flatter and low, and my body starts to move so heavy and slow, or my eyes shut tight and my head starts to hurt or my heart starts to panic and my **** eyes just burst. It's not fair that I can't listen without hearing my mind. Take one step forward, stepping five more behind. It's not fair that I don't think of you each second of the day because while I'm busy hating me, you're hoping I'm okay. You're doing everything you can like a single mom of five, and you don't even know you are the reason I'm alive. You make me smile in a way I've never seen myself before, and when you hold my body I just feel my whole world soar. I could spend forever with you, but I worry anyways- because I cannot promise you I won't ruin our nice days. I can't guarantee I won't just fall upon the tile in a bitter act of drama and just stay there for a while. I can't swear to you I'll rise and clean the whole house while you're gone rather than stay in bed asleep because my mind just is all wrong. You can't just trust that I won't lie or stretch the pain to keep the peace, and I would never ask you to just ignore that whole beast. If you love me, that's a joy I'll constantly question myself each day, because I'm still battling my health and I worry if you'll stay. And if you'll stay with me, you should know you make me whole. You watch the ghost beside me, while you protect my soul.

I'm something hard to see,
your something far too free.
I'm twisted up in wicked love,
Your mystified by wistful lies.
I beg and plead that you love me,
you cry and moan to go back home.
No, not just yet my flower girl,
not just yet my queen.
You beg to bed to dream.
I watch you cry and feel a warmth,
yes, now you feel just as me.
To break our bones is nothing,
when lost is all we be.
So smell you flower I picked from home,
to give you a smile once more,
or cry on dear,
for I do fear,
the loss up there will hurt your core.
Above in home,
is where they roam,
the wicked ones with hope.
Below is warm,
and honest love,
the ones you hate all lie above.
Now, smell you flower,
smile or cry.
Yell your woes oft to the sky,
either way,
together we stay,
until we reach- our dying day.