Dear dad,
I want you to hear me.
I want you to see me,
I want you to know.
I want you to know how sick I am.
How rolling out of bed is too overwhelming,
How I fake a smile to keep you from my burdens.
I care too much to let you see whats really inside.
The anger, the resentment, the never-ending sadness...
You look and see a person,
You look and see me as you're most important work.
Your daughter...
I look in the mirror, and see shallow eyes and a heavy chest.
I want you to know,
I will always love you.
But I envy you.
To you, there is more light than dark,
There is more good than bad.
I envy you don't have to battle your mind on a 24/7 basis,
You see, theres nothing but walls surrounding my head,
letting no-one in, and not letting me out.
Its dark here, and the light is out of reach...
Its depression and anxiety... have my on my knees.

Lines go wavy,
street lights become blurs,
words slurred,
and blood spilt,
this is the life of an addict.
I crave the pink lines and the burgundy that runs down my wrists.
I crave the high to make the buzzing of flies in my subconscious to stop.
I manipulate and dictate those around me to get what I want.
But in the end, what I want is nothing at all.
So the pills go down,
the bottle goes up,
the blood flows slightly,
and I don't know if I can get up...

Living my life in dark patches of blue and grey,
when it could be bright pinks and the color of a clear blue day.
Hiding who I am, to protect the reality I am in,
uncomfortable and struggling within my own skin.
Black splotches in my head run with bright yellow lines of worry,
the rest covered in bad memories and red rage and fury.
I'm like a  bad ending in a great book,
Dissapointing, and no longer worth the look.

Up in a panic,
Sweating and manic,
waking from a never ending dream that always ends to be reality.
Sleep passes and the night sets in,
the lights are dim and I feel a sense of somber sit in,
Come take a seat across from the devil,
he'll show you how to make your life worth while,
While god is screaming and I'm in denial,
what good is he if all he does is make my life one big trial?
The devil twists my arm,
and god at my face.
The devil has his ways,
and god, his faith.
Twist and turn in the heat,
I never know when I'll sleep.
As far as I am concerned, I am one more lesson to be learned,
and when I close my eyes
I want to see gods' face.
Save me father, from heavenly grace.
Please take my embrace.
The devil has taken my bones, and sworn to take my woes.
But you are home.
Please let me come home.

Body like  a stone,
eyes like the brim of the ocean.
Hope swells upon the shore of the beach that is my life,
water warm, sand in my toes, waiting for it, the desperate yearning for a new, clean, slate.
As it comes up the shore, I gasp and hold my breath,
for it has beauty that has engulfed me.
As soon as the wave came, it went, along with the one minuet of peace i was so desperate for.
I realize this, as much as hope comes to shore,
its always bound to leave again.
Everything leaves..
-D.R.G