We laid on the trunk of his car
Shivering backs against dented metal
I always look at the stars
But tonight you did too
You pointed out constellations
And they were all wrong
It was so cold
But it was everything
Next to you
Laughing
Freezing
We were stargazing like we did in my summer dreams
And now when I see a nightsky
This is what i'll remember
Even if it's just another thing you forget to take with you.

I was so into what I hoped you could be,
That I ignored what you were.

Somewhere out there is a midwife, putting together a 30,000 piece puzzle
Most pieces are obvious in where they belong,
So her map begins to unfold in arbitrary chunks,
Shadows here and highlights here,
even an odd circle shape composed.
Her picture gets clearer with every piece added
until she gets to this one.

It's pale yellow in color and strange in shape
and after scanning her puzzle in full,
She can't seem to find a place for it.
It's too light to go here,
Too big to fit in there,
But it has to fit somewhere if it was in this box.
Why would you get a puzzle piece that didn't belong?

Maybe this puzzle's too hard and she's lost her touch,
Maybe there's more pieces like this one that she's happened to lose,
Or maybe it's from a different puzzle all together,
And it's just not meant to fit here, no matter the force.

So the midwife gives up for the night and leaves the pieces as is
and I, myself, have never felt more pale and yellow.

Sitting here with warm summer wind on my body, i feel alright
I am still longing, and scared, and conflicted
but i guess im alright
Its strange being here while she's so far away,
her days are my nights

and my nights are never ending

Know that losing a love will not **** you,
But refusing to let yourself love will.

he and I

our reason for being was the same

and even in my sadness

i was not special

you said I love you the way a patron would agree to a refill
And I nearly gagged on the dinner i hadn't eaten

I would've preferred you throwing me to the ground and punching stars into my eyes

that way at least your knuckles would feel something

you liked to swim in waters that were too deep

where my feet couldn't touch the ground

i almost drowned trying to follow you

you liked standing on top of mountains

because you belonged on top of the world

my skin was raw from the sandstone

you live in adventure

and i live in your shadow

the day you leave i'll be stuck here forever

because it seems i've forgetten how to walk on my own

you called yourself a safety net
and i told you that wasn't true
but every night after my trapeze act
i knew you'd be there to catch me
and now everything i thought was funny doesn't make me laugh anymore
because you were right

and i am falling

I'm sorry for muttering when i speak sometimes  
And I'm sorry i walk so slow
I'm sorry for being short and making you look down on me
I'm sorry i still order kids meals at restaurants
i'm sorry i'm bad with adults
I'm sorry i haven't done anything
And I'm sorry I haven't seen the world
I'm sorry for wanting you in the way that i do
and mostly
I'm sorry for not being someone you'd want

Sorry

Sorry for sending you that
If my concern is embarrassing

Anxiety is squeezing my heart
And I thought tin cans on string was a good idea

I forgot that tin cans might cut the sides of your face

they say we meet people for a reason

so then i must have met you to feel true agony

i know you so that i may want you

and i want you so that i cannot have you

if it is true that this is fate

then fate must want me dead

i can wait tonight
and sleep alone

knowing i'll see you tomorrow

i can live in delusion
and daydream out loud

because there's a chance i'll see you tomorrow

soon you'll be gone
and i won't be this lucky

But for now i'm alright

until tomorrow

"I worry that’s how it is with first loves.

They wring your heart for all it’s got,

and then it’s over,

and you’ve got nothing left to give anybody else."

As much as i care

i refuse to let it be in vain

i'd perfer all my feelings to wither

not for the sake of bitterness or in spite

but because i would rather drown than lie in stagnant water

maybe i should lay in the cold forever

untouched by light from the sun

because once i feel it on my skin

i know i'll never get enough

its hard to think about anything besides you

if a meteor hit the earth right in front of me i'd think of how i'm going to tell you

my knees ache, my heart hurts

and i wish you were mine

/10:30/ i move to see up close like a safari guide in need of adrenaline

/10:45/ i talk to him but listen to you

/11:00/ common ground can be the thinnest ice

/11:11/my wishes come true and my mind needs new gears

/11:30/the hills of our fingerprints make a landscape of the rarest kind

/11:50/ i am a simply jester for the queen; this is my divine right

/12:00/the silence: dreadful and drowning

/12:15/our time is almost over and i realize it was not enough

/12:20/ goodbye

/12:30/ may seconds one day turn to sand