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Cydney Something Nov 2020
Her deep breath
Sent her scooching
Through the sea of sheets
Closer to him
Once again
A sleepy heap
Together in the
Sliver of sunshine
Laughing through the blinds
Cydney Something Jun 2023
Nothing matters
Not the boy
Not the girl
Not the baby
Not the pain
Not the joy
Not the *****
Or the pills
Or the ****
So just







Go die.
Cydney Something Nov 2019
Could
I
Give
Up
My
Desire?

Maybe I could...
Maybe not
Cydney Something Nov 2019
At the end of the day,
We cannot tell
If we are
Lucid or
Mad
That is what scares us
Cydney Something Oct 2018
When the carrot finally snaps,
And covers the world in mushrooms,
And the thoughts and dreams of billions cease-

We'll be where that sacred spore takes hold,
Waiting for it to bloom,
Patiently waiting while making love

Sacred spores with sacred purpose!
Find your targets well!
Find us! Find us!
We are fertile soil!

How delicious would it be,
For spore and seed and egg to meet?
A life beginning,
And ending
In one spectacular flash and roar!

****, we'll go down swingin'
To every movement swayin'
Your hips and mine, sweet slammin'
You know what I'm sayin'?

And as the flash and roar subside,
We will be mushrooms
And tar
And ions
And eons
And eons
And eons

We will be gone <3
Cydney Something Mar 2019
Words and words and words
And not a single one
Fits

Ineffable

But neither does that one
Because it's a word
And you're a vision
And I'm pathetic

Ineffable

As if you meant it
But you run and hide
When the lights come on
You were never there

Ineffable

I'll shut up for now
I don't think
You'll mind
Cydney Something Nov 2020
He rolls over
And checks the time
Alarm will go off
In five
So he wraps his arm
Around her
As she stirs
He presses his mouth
To her hair
Too sleepy still
To finish a kiss
Cydney Something Apr 2020
When the job
And the money
And the boy
Aren't
Cydney Something Oct 2018
The Boys in Vegas
Crowd into rooms
Bars on Fremont
DMs on weeknights
Watching, waiting

The Boys in Vegas
With their eyes to the ground
And their smiles to your face
Frightened, small
"I'm the man, I'm the man..."

The Boys in Vegas
Tell you that you're hot
Kiss you, tease you
But never call or text
Huh, guess he's on to the next
Cydney Something Mar 2020
If
I'd
Had
The
Guts
When
I
Was
Thirteen,

I
Would
Have
Been
Relieved
Of­
Fifteen
Years
Of
*******
#suicide
Cydney Something Dec 2020
I told him I was in love with him
And he didn't run
Cydney Something Nov 2019
Wrong direction
I was only prepared
For the winds
From the East

Unexpected
Only the voices
In my head
Predicted this

I didn't believe them

Slow, steady
It devastates the land
With red lightning
And red eyes

You
You
You
Are my everstorm
Cydney Something Sep 2019
I'm paying my bills
I'm dancing my dance
I'm hopping along
I'm fighting for my
GOD-
******
LIFE

You're looking
And seeing
The dance
But
NOT THE FIGHT!
Cydney Something Mar 2019
If you're an
Apparition
Then why
Is your ****
So hard?
Cydney Something Nov 2018
She lives in a house

With many walls

Not just the four on the outside

But many, many walls

That guide her along

And form halls

And she obeys the halls

Because she doesn't know

She can walk through

Walls



She loves boys

Who dream

Because she doesn't believe

That she can



She is chaos

Imploding

And retained

By some force

Of sheer social

Fuckery



She stands in a field

And suddenly realizes

She is agoraphobic



The fear

is not

the LONELINESS

It is

the ABSENCE

of a

HUMAN SHIELD



She weeps

For she has no shield

From the weapons

She made

Herself



She cannot change



To do so

Would be

To ****** God

And to take His place

And to stain His throne

With menstrual blood

To walk His valleys

Bathed in scents

Adorned in jewels



She would be Eternal

And that can never be
Cydney Something Jun 2019
In my dreams again
The Marine
I didn't love him
Not like that
But I wanted him
So badly
For years
And now
He's in my dreams
Sometimes as he is
Often as he was
Working on cars
In his parents' garage
Teeenaged
Unsuspecting
In the dreams
He touches me
Like he never will
In reality
He kisses my shoulders
And takes off my clothes
God, it feels so real
When I wake
I catch my breath
I curse myself
Wishing to be through
With the ******
Dreams
Cydney Something Oct 2020
I had a short interaction with a stranger, and I wanted to stay alive for them. It's over now, and I want to die again.
Cydney Something Sep 2019
A whirlwind
A tempest
A high storm
The two of us
Could have been
A force to change
The landscape
Of the world
Cydney Something Nov 2020
It's just Lana Del Rey's
"The Other Woman"
On repeat,
Then Bonnie Riatt's
"I can't make you love me"
While the pills dissolve
Cydney Something Sep 2019
1:46am
4:46am
Two time zones between
I'm trying to s l e e p
Maybe it's too late
Maybe it's too early
I don't know much
But I know
That I'm lonely

Even if I'm not alone
Cydney Something Sep 2020
The way you guide
The frenzied wanderings
Of my heart

Will surely make me
The next great
American poet
Cydney Something Nov 2020
I'm livin'
In the past
Since the past
Was so much
Better
Than Now

In the past,
You loved me

Now,
You don't
Cydney Something Sep 2020
How did
A gal like me
Get to deserve
Having
A guy like you
Dangled in front of her?

What did I do
To justify
Your sweet,
sweet
Tortures?

That karmic force
Which propels me
From tragedy
To tragedy
Sent me
helplessly
To you

And I find myself
yet again
In a state of breathless
Wonder~
A moth
Reaching for
The deadly kiss
Of your deepest fire

Drunken on
Your words
And every
Drop of
Tenderness that
Poured from them

This is the state
Of my ravenous soul

To Hell, I'd gladly descend <3
Cydney Something Nov 2019
Take my chin in your hand
Eye to eye
Whisper your secret
With the set of your brow

I'll never hear it

K
i
s
s

M
e

And I will
Melt
Into your
Eternal Punishment

I will
Kneel
At your
Altar of Sin,
For I am

Yours
.
Yours
.
Y
O
U
R
S

To use
To have
To keep
If you want me

Write your secret on my back with your nails

I'll never see it

love me...
(That's the other fantasy)

Love me
(Don't just **** me)

L O V E
M E
A N D
S H O W
M E

THAT I'M MORE THAN JUST MY HOLES

THAT I'M MORE THAN JUST YOUR *****

THAT I'M MORE

Love me,
Touch me,
Love me,
Kiss me,
Love me,
Breed me,

yes
<3
Cydney Something Nov 2019
I know
I'm
Being
A *******
Child
,
But
Knowing this
Doesn't
*******
Help
Me
!

I'm just a weak person!
Cydney Something Oct 2018
To have hope is to stay up all night
In the arms of a boy you just met
And have him smile at you
As if he means it

It's to keep checking your phone
Because he said he'd text you
And to believe him
Until you can't

It's to come up with all sorts of excuses
As to why he hasn't spoken
And to play back the night
Over and over again

It's to make yourself keep wondering
If you should let it fade and die
Or hold on a little bit longer
Or shoot yourself, maybe

It's to battle your own common sense
To deny what you already know
To grasp too tightly to a
Flimsy
*******
Fantasy
That maybe he actually did care

To have hope is to be poisoned
To have hope is sickness
To have hope is to feel pain
Another one bites the dust, as they say </3
Cydney Something Nov 2018
Touch me
With the tips of your fingers
Gently
Across the small of my back

Touch me
With both hands
Securely
Fastened to my hips

Touch me
With the rise of your chest
Intimately
Pressing against mine

Touch me
With your lips, your tongue
Hungrily
Tasting the salt on my neck

Touch me
With the rest of you
Finally
Becoming who you touch

Those little electric currents
That pass from your skin to mine
Frankly
Keep me alive

That's why I'm dying
Cydney Something Mar 2019
To watch him is to hunt him
To wait for the precise moment
That I will choose
Not to pounce

To watch him is to bathe in him
To let his presence cleanse me
Of all the impurities
Found in control

To watch him is to shout to him
To yell out with my eyes and soul
Oh yes, we're fallin' down
So ******' help me up

To watch him is to devour him
To taste bits of well-aged memories
And grow mad at the flavor
And swallow them whole

To watch him is to love him
To fear him, trembling and forlorn
Never tell him, never tell him
Fearlessly watch him

Tell him anyway
Cydney Something Jan 2019
Forgive me
For the hundredth time
My drinking
Has been my downfall

But I can change
And leave you be
For real this time
I promise

How many boys
Do I have to choke
With my noxious fumes
Before I learn?

It's always fun
Until I remember
It isn't fun
For you

To whom
It may
Concern:
Just wait

Someday I'll find him-
The one who sets me straight
And refuses me my games
And redacts your names from my soul
I have a harem of boys who would rather I didn't.
Cydney Something Jun 2019
There are certain things
That are constant
At every truck stop:

The **** bottles,
never far from the trash cans
The diesel rivers,
perfuming the air like iridescent, poisoned flowers
The old men,
casting their eyes down as they walk
The idling engines,
singing lullabies to those in "sleeper"
The dog,
whining, waiting, or watching
The cat,
pretending not to care at all
The noisy reefers,
The bluetooth headsets,
The IFTA stickers,
The overpriced everything

And for me,
The hope that it will all go away
Cydney Something May 2019
In the whole of our human experience,
We can only fully trust
What we perceive in dreams
Cydney Something Mar 2019
I'm the bad guy
Because my words
Aren't pretty

And you decide
Who the
Bad guy is
Cydney Something Oct 2019
My nature must be
Stifled
If I am to
Survive

Yet

How can I
Survive
If my nature is
Stifled?
Cydney Something Nov 2018
I feel like an inflatable raft
With a leak
That I can't find
Because it's so small

It may take a while
I'll still end up
Deflated
Cydney Something Aug 2019
You see, my most wicked one-
My demon,
My death,
My darkness-
I am wholly yours
Cydney Something May 2019
The highways are cracked
And driven by madmen
Driven mad by
The cracks in the highway

The fragmented American Dream
American Idol
American Scream
Bavarian Cream

Men cutting their hair
In strange styles
To attract women
With large hips and *******

Women fighting their raising
Deciding how often
To spread their legs
For the men

God has no power
Over the U-S-of-A
We **** and ****
To our hearts content

And there is no God
To stop the horror
Of a hot-blooded
American Boy

We dream of superheroes
And willing, wet *****
And a God to save us
From destroying everything

For we are wild
And free
Driven mad
By the cracks in the highway
Cydney Something Nov 2020
I'm just a hopeful
Little thing,
Aren't I?

A hopeful,
Demented,
Scattered little
Thing
Cydney Something Dec 2019
Ringring

Ringring

Ringring






Ringring

Ringring

Ringring

­

No answer.
I guess you're still asleep.
I left my husband today
Cydney Something Dec 2020
It's not nearly like
Wanting to **** myself
So
Don't you ******' worry
Cydney Something Dec 2019
I
Only
Wanted
To
Be
Burned
By
Your
Passion

But you warmed me with your
Kindness
And ******* for that
Cydney Something Nov 2018
I want to be happy while I'm sober

I want to be rested when I wake

I want to be strong enough to fight

I want so many things

But I'll have to settle for

Wasted
Weary
Weak

At least for now
Cydney Something Sep 2020
She saved me from the smallest box.
The one I'd been confined to for an* eternity. She smiled at me, and I desperately reached for her.
'LET ME OUT!'
And she did. She saved me from the hellish existence of the tiny box.
I didn't quite remember why, but I wanted to be

Outside.

But I had no clue what

Outside

Was.

I'd forgotten in the mind-breaking box. What did it smell like? Sound like? Taste like?
How could I get there?
She put me in a room
With a moving picture
Of

Outside.

I recognized the shapes and shades of it. Just a small picture of it, but recognizable.
In time, I moved throughout a maze of rooms. I learned about
The door.
I hadn't seen that on the way in.
When it opened, I could see it-

Outside.

I knew if I could get close enough,
I could
Escape
For just
A little
While.
One night, I did just that.

I loved night the most.
I could easily move around in the dark without being seen. Or heard. Or even sensed. I was part of the darkness.
She started to panic.
Did she think I would abandon her?
My savior?
No, but I would stay close.
She ultimately tricked me back into the rooms.
Her efforts to prevent my
Escape
Became more vigorous.
She would stare at me
For seconds
Before opening the door.
I would stare back, not challenging her.

My next escape was glorious.
Another person that wasn't her
Left a window
With a broken screen
Open,
And she wasn't in any of the rooms.
I slipped through the screen
And into the day
I felt the
Sun.
I remembered everything.
I wandered the grounds of
The rooms.
I climbed the wall
That separated a network
Of other rooms.
I was

Outside.

I was happy,
But I knew she would worry if
She returned to find me
Missing.
I went back
To realize
There was no way back inside.
The night was getting cold.
I scaled the wall around part of
The grounds
And found a small shelter
From the winds
And prayed she would return soon.

I awoke to the sound of the rustling of my small shelter.
Startled, I ran for the door of the rooms, which sat open.
She was warm,
And so I welcomed her embrace
All the more.

From then on, she trusted me. She knew that I could go

Outside

And return again
To her.
<3
Cydney Something Oct 2018
I love you
You know this
It's stupid
You're stupid

Buuuuut

It's hopeless
We're drowning
The boys are out
Now, run away

Stay

Leave, I guess
Grieve, I guess
I don't care
You don't care

We care

We care too much
And we drown
And we fail
But hey-

You know all of this
Cydney Something Dec 2021
A
Short
Walk
To
Happiness
Never
To
Be
Made
Cydney Something May 2020
Boys and men
Love and lust
Pain and
SUFFERING
So much
SUFFERING
But it feels so good
Mmmmm...
Cydney Something Nov 2018
They know how to scare us
And keep our attention
And turn us against one another

They know where we go
When we think
Nobody is watching

They know what to say
To keep us out
Of their holy business

But
What
Do
They
Know?

Let's leave our phones in the hotel room
And go **** in the woods
Cydney Something Apr 2019
I find myself
Running fingertips
Over the places on my neck
That you've tasted

Dreaming up those times
As solid as I can make them
To feel the rush again
Of your weight against me

Do you remember
How I taste?
Do you lie awake at night
Sweating out the details?

Does your heart still pound
Heavy and strong in your chest
For that love
You still don't comprehend?

I'll tease myself
The way you do
Only touching
For fleeting seconds

I'll think of you
And find release
Faster than you'd think
And it's like a drug

When I
Think about you
I touch
Myself
Cydney Something Oct 2021
Poetry
Spilled from my mind
Like water
From a Tennessee cliffside
In the Spring,

But lately
I've been sober
And the poetry
Has stilled itself
Like water
On a Tennessee cliffside
In the Winter
Cydney Something Feb 2020
Despite his incessant
******* and moaning,

he wanted to.
because this life is pain and pain and beautiful pain and you *** and you go and you stay the night in the bed of some beautiful creature that couldn't possibly be the same ***** ragged species as you and you think OH MY GOD I DON'T BELONG IN THIS PLACE and you try to convince yourself that it would be easier to leave because everything is wretched and everyone is wretched and most of all you are wretched but you stay because the mother isn't finished scolding you yet and because death is still afraid of you and there are still deep and aching pains to feel and because of those deep and aching pains there are bright and powerful joys to feel but they will not stay and so we will throw tantrums until our lives are **** and we try to leave again but the mother isn't finished scolding us yet and death is still afraid of us
Cydney Something Nov 2018
Once upon a time,
I fell in love with a fish
Who only acknowledged me
When I managed to get him on the hook,
But he swam away
The second any bait was gone

Once upon a time,
I fell in love with a deer
Who only came near me
When I made myself smaller,
But he ran away
The second I started to stand

Once upon a time,
I fell in love with a cat
Who only rubbed against me
When I ignored him long enough
But he sauntered away
The second he got my attention

After a long while,
He came back around
To **** my hook clean,
And to be my superior,
And to fool me

He is gone again
For how long
No one can say
But I'll be here

Pole in hand,
Crouched,
And looking in the opposite direction
*Insert sighing emoji that Android so RUDELY got rid of*
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