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As if you actually know what its like to love you,
Dealing with mind bending headaches
That only seem to scrape at the sides of my temples like broken glass in my fingertips
I catch myself playing sappy love songs to try to soothe my broken heart
But don't worry I understand you didn't mean to hurt me,
With all those late night phone calls of you
Serenading sweet words of your ignorance
You tell me, that you love me

I wouldn't dare to tell you that I stay up --- all hours of the night
Pondering the gritty words you said before you kissed me
You tasted like sandcastles and night stars
As if you were my daydream

As if you actually knew what it meant to cry 10,000 5 am tears,
set aside just to greet your face at 7  
because you don't know I'm quickly cracking like elephants on eggshells

As if you know how to love a women like a straight man,
your hands caress my arms like how the sunset kisses the horizon or
Almost how the stars melt into the atmosphere
You are my atmosphere I breathe you in like oxygen
But you've become poisonous,
what used to be my lifeline is now my deathbed
you're no good for me

Because you don't look at me the same way you look at him
with your big brown eyes as deep as the milky way
Your laugh as loud as meteors
You never cease to amaze me
Yet you still tell me you want to hold me in your castle arms,
You say that you want to hold down my fortress
You say you want to be my knight in shining armor
but I know you'd rather carry the weight of him instead of me

Constellations grapple to the under belly of your lies
The moon has whispered in my ear once again
that you are no good for me
But I don't think that you understand
I know you don't understand
Please, why can't you understand

That we...
We are no good for each other

Because while you're above the clouds,
Way past the heavens,
I have my feet firmly planted in reality.
Because he knew, in the deepest core of his soul,
That her kiss would never be replaced by any other,
Because she would melt into him,
Without restraint, without fear.
He would never admit it,
But she was his favourite,
She would never flinch when he'd press his hand roughly against her neck.
She would not cry in pain when he pulled her hair.
And he'd stop to see if she was still with him,
That she did not drift away in her daydreams,
Like the bubbles that floated away towards the white clouds.
She never did.
She stayed within his grip,
While he breathed cold damp sighs in her hair,
As he left bruises all over her body.
She stayed because she has never broken a heart.
And she would never break her own.
 Oct 2014 Chelsea R Mack
holyoak
i'm sleeping
on the left side 
of my bed
to take up the space
that you left empty 
because you left me
with no kind of backup plan
i was left to miss you
and you were left to wonder
and in the end
all that is left
is left hand turn signals
in the car i'm driving 
parking on the left side of the road
where i walked you to your door 
and left you to go inside alone
it was a fine first date 
but i remember thinking 
"i shouldn't have left her so early"
and now i hope you think the same
i got stuck in the revolving door
into your old apartment building
it reminded me of you
i used my left hand
to push it forward
and felt as though
this is where i would be
for the rest of my time without you
i left the building 
without a vocalized thought
but in the back of my mind
the only thought that was left
whispered
"why can't i be right for once?"

[holyoak]
I'm sorry
That you're sorry
You're just so unapologetic,
Why can't you see that I'm being romantic.
Now
Stop.
Listen,
I'm full of insecurities
But nothing you can do will cure me of this disease.
And I'm sorry
That you're sorry
I bring this on myself,
Leave me alone, like a book on a shelf.
I'll,
Collect some dust,
and watch you from afar
Maybe one day
Someone will see me for more than they are.
chest tightening
pressure building
here we go again

throat closing
panting
coughing
crying
can't breathe
why does this
always happen?

head pounding
heart racing
mind buzzing
all i did
was say your name
out loud

— The End —